How I Met Your Mother – Neptune's Truth Serum Drunk
Barney Stintson – Neptune Varsilles
Ted Mosby – Sun Wukong
Robin Scherbatsky – Weiss Schnee
Lily Aldrin – Pryyha Nikos
Marshal Eriksen – Jaune Arc
Barney's boss – Junior
Let's see. After a long break, and me mostly focusing on my other story, I decided to return to my first ever story. I already have the next few... dozen planned out.
Assume the cast just got back after Kyle's Trailer 44. I did a cast count for his story by the way. Kyle is writing the reactions of over 50 characters. Holy shit, and I'll try to do the same.
Zack looked at a pocket watch as he counted how long it has been since he sent the RWBY cast back to Kyle. Looks like it was his turn again to entertain them.
"Three, two, one," Zack counted.
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!"
The cast fall into pre-prepared couches, each enchanted to give physics the finger and catch the freefalling people safely.
"We meet again," Zack greeted.
"Who's this?" Whitley asked.
"Oh right," Weiss said. "You weren't here for that. This is Zack. He's like Kyle and he dumps us here whenever he's busy so that we can watch other stuff."
"You seem familiar," Cardin said. "Have we met before?"
"Kinda," Zack said, having neutralized him when he got bored of some of them.
"Oh man!" Ruby said. "And we were just about to watch one with superheroes too!"
The others were disappointed as well.
"Speak for yourself, Red," Roman said. "I'm still basking in the glory of being a badass pirate!"
"Anyway," Zack said, interrupting them. "This one is a comedy."
"A comedy?" Summer asked.
"You'll see," Zack said and started the show.
Neptune, Weiss and Sun were at the same table. Neptune was a truthful drunk, something Weiss and Sun were exploiting.
SSS_ looked on in interest. They had never seen their teammate drunk before.
"Mr. Varsilles," Glynda said disapprovingly. "Are you drunk?"
"It's the other me!" Neptune immediately denied.
"Light weight," Qrow snorted as he downed a bottle of beer.
"What's this about anyway?" Weiss asked.
"It's Neptune's bachelor party," Zack answered. "He and Weiss are getting married."
"Married!" everyone who knew the pair yelled.
The Schnee's suddenly took a great interest in the Mistralian boy, causing the blue-haired boy to sweat. Those were some high-profile people interested in him.
"Congrats man!" Sun said as he patted his partner on the back.
"Weiss!" Ruby exclaimed. "You're getting married! Again!"
"Again!?" Willow asked, interested.
"She married her partner in one of the trailers we saw," Winter explained.
Whitley looked at the red cloaked girl. Her sister married her? Weird.
"Neptune," Weiss said. "When that Bryan Adam's song came on the radio, did two mosquitoes really fly into your eyes at the same time?"
"No," a very drunk Neptune answered. "I got all choked up thinking about how everything he does, he does it for her."
"Interesting," Neptunes friends said, wondering if their Neptune was the same.
"Poor kid," Junior said.
Sun grinned at his friend. "We are so going to exploit this."
Neptune groaned. He'd have to make sure he never got drunk. Who knows what embarrassing secrets he would blurt out.
Weiss nodded to Sun. "It checks out. OK, what next? I mean, it's so hard to know where to begin. I mean there's so many..."
"What did you do to my mom?!" Sun asked Neptune loudly, cutting Weiss off.
"What!!!" Sun yelled.
"Oh right," Zack said. "I should mention that Neptune is even more of a ladies man here than your own Neptune."
"You son of a bitch!!!" Sun jumped on his partner, only to be restrained by Sage and Scarlet.
"Other me! Other me!" Neptune screamed as the ladies gave him the stink eye.
They flashback to Neptune and Sun's hot mom in Neptune's car.
"Well," Neptune began as Sun's mom placed her finger on past Neptune's lips. "That night, we were in my car..."
The men whistled at the scene.
"What a MILF," Mercury said dreamily.
Clover blushed heavily at the sight of a beautiful woman about to do suggestive things with Neptune.
Tyrians tail became as straight as an arrow.
All the married and taken men were slapped out of their daydreams by their significant others, who glared at the men for their weak minds.
Back to the three.
"I was wrong, I can't handle this," Sun cut him off. "Just tell me in baseball terms."
"Amen," Sun agreed, desperately trying not to think about his possibly ex-best friend and his mom.
"I got thrown out trying to stretch a single into a double."
"Harsh," Port said with a wince.
"I don't get it," Penny said confused. She was not programmed to be able to understand baseball terminology.
Oscar who vaguely understood it explained it for her. "He got kicked out."
Sun digested what he just heard, making several amusing gestures before accepting it. "I can live with that."
Sun digested that, making various gestures as he processed what Neptune just said. "I can live with that," he concluded as he made himself comfortable again in his chair.
"How about that time you walked into the bar wearing triple X-ray goggles?" Weiss asked.
"Say what?" Ilia said.
"X-ray goggles," Ironwood said. "Not a bad idea."
"Sir!" Winter exclaimed angrily.
"I say!" Nicholas said, looking at Ironwood in disgust.
"Just a man after all," Robyn said.
"What!?" Ironwood asked confused.
Qrow took pity on the man and leaned in to whisper why they were mad at him.
"Oh, oh!" Ironwood realized his folly and tried to defend himself. "That's not what I meant! I meant that it might be useful to look through buildings containing terrorists for counter-terror work!"
"Sure," Sienna said. "That's what you'll say is the reason on paper."
Ozpin looked at his friend in pity. He really should have chosen his words more carefully.
They flashback to that night in the bar.
Weiss and Pryyha were talking at the bar when Neptune walked in wearing a helmet with goggles on them.
"Well, hello you two lovely ladies," Neptune greeted as he stared at Pryyha's chest.
Neptune was careful to ignore the girls around him.
Pryyha and Weiss looked at Neptune, giving him a smile that promised painful things.
Coco took off her sunglasses to give Neptune a 'Look'. Velvet frowned at him.
Ruby and Blake grasped for weapons that were not there.
"I wouldn't mind if he looked at mine," Yang suddenly said, breaking the tense atmosphere.
"What!?" Yang said at the looks directed at her. She puffed out her assets, "These babies were meant to be admired."
"That's my girl," Raven agreed wholeheartedly.
"What are you wearing?" Weiss asked.
"Oh, hey Weiss didn't see you there. Just triple X-ray goggles, no big deal." Neptune continued to look at Pryyha's chest.
"There is no way those things work," Pryyha said.
"Not even here," Neptune said as he turned a switch on his helmet. "It's that natural." He raised his left hand holding some skipping rope as he continued to look.
Pryyha, feeling creeped out, pulled her jacket to cover herself.
"Right," Neptune retorted. "Cause that jacket is made of lead."
"I might need to invest in one," Pryyha said, covering her chest as she was suddenly acutely aware that her armour left little to the imagination.
Back to the present.
"Those things didn't work. Did they?" Weiss asked.
"Absolutely," Neptune answered. "Pryyha's boobs always work for me. Oh, the goggles? No."
"So," Nora said to her team leader. "Do they work on you too, Jaune?"
Pryyha suddenly looked very interested in Jaune's answer.
Saphron looked interested in her little brother's answer as well, wondering if she was about to get material to talk to her sisters about.
The men prayed for the young Arc's safety.
"Yes," Jaune hesitantly answered, hoping to any god that existed that he didn't just screw up.
"That's good to hear," Pryyha said, pulling him into her chest, where the blushing teenager could distinctively feel the two mounds pressed against him.
His bros gave him a thumbs up for his luck.
Weiss sighed. "Next question. You keep saying ring 'bear', instead of ring 'bearer'. Will there, or will there not be, a bear at our wedding?"
"This seems familiar," Summer said.
"Oh?" Amber said.
"Let's just say Tai had a weird idea of what a wedding needs," Raven sighed.
"You don't say," Qrow snorted, remembering the bachelor party, both of them.
"Why would you need a bear for a wedding?" Kali asked.
Willow snorted. "You should have been to mine. We had a flock of actual peacocks."
"I thought you liked those," Nicholas said to his daughter.
"Their feathers got all over the place," Jacques complained.
"The truth is...agoclabowompyflopysmuf..." Neptune dissolved into speaking gibberish as the effects of the alcohol wore down.
"Cckk, get him to back down the jabba drink. Give him another drink," Weiss said as Sun did so, giving Neptune another drink.
"6 and 3 64th inches," Neptune said to an unheard question.
"Yeah, he's back to telling the truth," Weiss confirmed.
"OK, what did they ask him?" Clover asked.
"Are you sure you want me to answer that?" Zack replied.
Emerald snorted. "Is that how long his manhood is?"
Neptune was deeply offended by that. "Hey!"
"Well," Militia said.
"Would you answer that?" Melanie continued.
"Don't do it man," Roman said. "It's a trap."
"Amen," Junior said.
"OK," Sun said. "Neptune, how are you always able to do that magic trick where you make doves appear?"
"Special dehydrated birds that I get in Mistraltown." Neptune dipped his hand into a glass of water then proceeded to make a dove appear.
"I knew it!" Sun exclaimed, scaring off the dove.
"I have got to learn how to do that," Neptune said.
"Not bad for an amateur," Ozpin commented.
"You would know about it," Salem said. "Heh, 'magic'."
"OK... OK," Weiss said. "Will there, or will there not be, a bear at our wedding?"
"The truth is..." Neptune was interrupted by Jaune walking in with only a bathrobe on.
"Neptune..."
"Oh, come on!" Weiss stood up and yelled.
"Really Jaune!" Weiss said.
"Why are you in a bathrobe?" Whitley asked.
Jaune shrugged. "Who knows."
Ignoring Weiss's outburst, Jaune continued. "I know you always say that you don't need any kind of 'help' in bed, but if you uhh..."
Neptune took out a small container of pills and gave them to Jaune. "I always keep these on hand. But be careful. When they go off, there's a kickback like a cannon."
"Thank you," Jaune thanked him before quickly returning to his bedroom for... adult activities.
"Jaune," Saphron said. "Is there something I should know?"
Jaune looked affronted. "I don't need drugs to get it on!"
"How would you know?" Adam asked.
Vernal snorted. "He's a teenager. You should know what they do when they lock themselves in their rooms."
None of the teenage boys there could find it in them to refute that statement.
Seeing Jaune leave, Sun asked, "How much a year do you spend on suits?"
"That is one fine suit he has there," Jacques complimented. As a man of high standing, he understood the value of a good suit.
"He does look rather dashing in it, if he wasn't drunk," Weiss said.
"There, there sister," Winter said. "I'm sure he'd stay sober with the right motivation."
"Ain't happening," Qrow said as he popped open another beer.
Kids, I won't bother you with the number, but it was a crapload.
"Around one crapload," Neptune answered.
Qrow spat out the beer all over Ghira, much to his annoyance. "Say what!"
"One crapload a year!" Cardin yelled. "You can buy several thousand games for that amount!"
'Several truckloads of ice-cream,' Neo sign said.
"Enough coffee to last me a lifetime!" Oobleck yelled. Ozpin agreed with that, going through just as much money to keep his coffee stock replenished throughout his many lives.
"That's about how much the Atlesian military goes through in a week!" Robyn said.
"The things I could build with that money," Watts muttered.
"About how much I earn in a day," Jacques said.
"Yeah," Adam snarled. "With the blood and tears of your faunus workers!"
"Someone's well off," Cinder said.
"That much?!" Sun said, shocked. "Aren't you concerned about your future?"
"Nope," Neptune replied easily. "Especially since Weiss is massively wealthy."
"What?!"
"Neptune!"
"You mean they didn't know that?" Oscar asked.
"She's not heiress of a multi-national corporation here," Zack answered. "She's a TV reporter who left her home country to work, despite her family's wealth."
"Striking it out on your own huh, rich girl?" Coco said.
"Why do you think I applied for Beacon?" Weiss answered.
Winter frowned, wondering if she did it to get away from people always comparing Weiss to her. She did leave quite an impression before graduating from Atlas Academy.
"You're rich?" Sun asked Weiss. "But like how rich?"
"It's my family's money, not mine. I don't really know how much..." Weiss tried to deflect but failed.
"How much is her family worth?" Sun bypassed Weiss and asked Neptune.
"6000 craploads. Atlesian craploads," Neptune answered.
"Not as much as I thought it would be," Ilia said.
"We have much more than that," Willow said. "Different worlds I guess."
"That much?!" Sun exclaimed. "But when we dated I paid for everything."
Sun and Weiss looked at each other in surprise. They dated here?
Adam looked at Sun in disgust. Bad enough he associated himself with a Schnee, but to date one.
Sienna wondered about the social implications such a match would have had.
Ghira wondered if such a match happened in Remnant, would it heal the rift between humans and faunus.
Jacques looked appalled at the thought of his daughter marrying a commoner.
"You didn't pay for everything," Weiss denied.
"He paid for everything," Neptune confirmed.
"I pick up our bar tab all the time," Weiss defended.
"3 times in the last 9 years," Neptune answered.
"Someone's cheap," Blake said.
"Oh please," Weiss said. "I pay for us whenever we go out, don't I?"
"She has us there," Ruby agreed.
"She also paid for the damage your food fight caused," Glynda said.
"Ehhehehe," RWBY chuckled nervously.
"Now Glynda," Ozpin said. "I remember a certain student who used her Semblance for pranks."
Glynda sputtered. "Ozpin!"
"You learn something new every day," Qrow said interested.
"I took you out to tons of 4-star restaurants," Sun said.
"2-star restaurants," Neptune corrected.
"Figuring out on average 2 meals out a week, plus 20% tip," Sun began counting the total expense of their former relationship.
"12 ½% tip," Neptune corrected.
"How do you know all of this?" Dove asked Neptune.
Neptune shrugged. "I don't know. It just comes to me."
"Say kid," Junior said. "Interested in making a quick buck on the side?"
"Yeah, no," Roman said. "Kid would probably rat you out to the cops first chance he got."
"Do you know how much money you cost me?" Sun asked Weiss.
"What am I a prostitute?" Weiss said.
"You are not a prostitute," Neptune answered.
"No," Sun agreed. "A prostitute would've been cheaper."
"Depends on the prostitute," Neptune added.
"Yup," Tyrian agreed.
"Why do you know that?" Hazel asked his colleague.
"I got the bill for one, couldn't pay so I just killed her!" Tyrian laughed maniacally.
"Wait, hold on Sun. What are we doing?" Weiss asked.
"You're arguing about Weiss's wealth when you really should be asking me embarrassing questions," Neptune answered for them.
"Curse my traitorous mouth!" Neptune moaned.
"This is hilarious," Tai said. "Too bad Qrow isn't like that when he's drunk."
"You wish," Qrow said.
"Actually," Summer said. "You just need the right combination and you'll have him sprouting like a leak."
"Summer!" Qrow cried at her betrayal.
"This bears investigation," Raven said.
"You're right," Sun said, putting the matter aside for now. "Let's do this."
And so we did it, we asked Neptune all the questions we'd always wanted to.
"In one night, four."
"In one family, three."
"Yes, but not while she was Councilwoman of State."
"Yes, but not while she was Councilwoman of State."
"Now I want to know what the questions were so that I'd have some context," Yang complained.
"You and me both," SSS_ said, recording this for blackmail.
"I can think of a few questions that relate to his answers," Mercury said.
"Pervert," Oscar mumbled.
"Just once, with a Mistralian male model. *Some French name*. It was late, we were the last two people in the club. I was lonely and figured why not try it?"
Weiss and Sun looked at each other.
Everyone there looked at Neptune, who seemed to pale.
"That was the only time I ever split a cab."
Neptune sighed in relief. Talk about misunderstanding. He was straight damn it, he didn't like men that way!
"Aww," Blake frowned. So, no yaoi was involved in that scene.
Kali was disappointed as well.
"You've never split a cab before?" Yatsuhashi asked.
"You never know what the other guy was up to before getting into the cab with you," Neptune said.
"Yes, but not the AIT you're thinking of. The Academy of Illusionist of Trent."
"The what now?" Ironwood asked. The only AIT he knew was the Atlesian Institute of Technology.
"Exactly what he just said," Zack said.
"Best not to get them confused," Ozpin said.
"I've had sex in Sun's bed 14 times."
"I asked if you wear shoulder pads," Sun said, making a note to throw out his bed.
"I am never sleeping in my bed ever again!" Sun yelled as he strangled Neptune.
"Air! Air!" Neptune said as Sun was choking him. Their teammates immediately went to pull the monkey faunus off him.
Qrow gave Tai a look.
"What!?" Tai asked.
"You know what," Qrow said.
"Ah yes," Port said. "Tai's track record with women."
"Dad's what now!?" Ruby asked.
"Don't tell me he did 'it' on uncle Qrow's bed," Yang snickered.
Summer and Raven wisely chose not to mention where else they did 'it'.
"I think I've just got one question left," Sun said. "And it's a biggie. Neptune Varsilles, what do you do for a living?"
Kids, in all the time we knew Neptune there was one question he would always answer the same way.
Flashback to Neptune and Jaune in a bar.
"Seriously, what is it that you do?" Jaune asked.
Neptune chuckled. "Please."
Pyrrha and Neptune watching Neptune's wall TV.
"OK, seriously," Pryyha said. "What do you do for a living?"
"Hehe, please," Neptune answered.
Flashback to Neptune and Jaune in Neptune's office.
"Are you finally going to tell me what your job is?" Jaune asked.
"Hehe, please," Neptune answered, again.
Back to the present.
So naturally, this was a pretty big moment for us.
"Now I'm curious," Adam said. What kind of job let you spend a crapload a year just on suits and still not worry about financial problems?
"I can think of a few jobs that fit the bill," Jacques said.
"How many of them are legal?" Robyn asked.
"Some," Jacques replied.
"Well," Sun asked Neptune. "What do you do for a living?"
Suspense as Neptune prepared to answer.
"Please," Neptune answered.
"Damn, that's the only thing he won't say while drunk?" Amber said.
"I'm not so sure," Neptune said.
"What kind of job is please?" Penny asked.
"You'll see," Zack said.
"Haah, OK he's not telling us. Let's give him more booze," Weiss said as she went to give Neptune more alcohol.
"Not so fast, princess," Sun stopped her. "I guess subtle clues and the bar tab are two things you just don't pick up, because I think he is telling us." Turning towards Neptune, he asked, "Tell us more about this job."
Flashback.
"Well," Neptune began. "As you know, back in my hippie days, a businessman came into my coffeeshop, told me money was all that mattered and stole my girlfriend."
Junior was seen stealing Neptune's girlfriend right in his own coffeeshop.
Neptune hid his face in his hands while his teammates grinned. Jackpot!
"Ah, I forgot what those days were like," Ozpin said.
"Drugs and peace signs everywhere," Oobleck said.
"Junior, that's going to bite you in the ass," Roman said, Neo nodding along with him.
"Please," Militia snorted. "What's blue boy going to do about it?"
"Something stupid no doubt," Melanie said.
"That's when I decided to become, awesome." Neptune is now in a formal suit with smart, short hair.
"But I had no idea how to break into the corporate world. So, hoping he wouldn't recognize me, I went to the one person from whom I knew I could learn everything."
Neptune is in Junior's office for a job interview.
"Seriously?" Weiss said.
"That's..." Blake said.
"Genius!" Ruby said.
"I think they were going for stupid," Yang said.
"Nuh uh!" Nora said. "That plans fool proof!"
"Neptune," Sun said. "If you pull this off, drinks are on you."
"On me?" Neptune said.
"Well," Jaune said. "You are Mr. Spends a Crapload on Suits."
"Do we know each other bro?" Junior asked Neptune, not recognizing him.
"We're all connected in Gaia's great tapestry of..." realizing his mistake, Neptune quickly stopped himself. "No, we don't. Broo..."
"You're trying too hard," Ren said.
"Act natural," Clover said. "Though I suppose that's the best we can expect since you're still in your hippy phase."
"Kill me now," Neptune groaned.
"No," Tyrian answered. "I like to see you suffer."
"Surprising," Cinder said.
Junior read Neptune's resume. "Wow, you went to AIT. Pretty impressive."
"I did get a perfect score on the ACTs," Neptune said.
"Advance Card Tricks," present Neptune explained to his friends.
"Alright buddy," Junior said. "You've got a sweet resume. But, we don't have any openings you're qualified for."
Outside the office, Cardin was getting dragged away by two federal agents.
"They set me up!" Cardin exclaimed and tried to warn Neptune. "It was a trap! It's a trap!"
"These seems familiar," Willow said, recalling a similar scene at SDC HQ.
Jacques looked anywhere but at Ironwood and Ozpin. Ironwood suddenly recalling several arrests made about SDC employees embezzling funds and resources.
"Clover," Ironwood said. "Remind me to look into the SDC again."
"Yes sir," Clover answered.
"Damn, not another one," Junior said.
"We do go through those idiots quickly," Roman said.
Junior corrected himself. "We have one opening you'd be perfect for."
"Great," Neptune said. "What do I do?"
"Please," Junior said.
"Seriously?" Vernal said to Junior.
"Heck if I know," Junior said.
"Shh. It'll all be explained next," Zack said.
"Provide Legal Exculpation And Sign Everything," Junior explained what P.L.E.A.S.E. was. "Just show up every day, scrub your name on a bunch of documents and we'll pay you 16 craploads a year."
Everyone there looked at Neptune.
"That's your job?" Raven asked in disbelief.
"How idiotic," Watts said.
"Don't underestimate the power of fine print," Jacques said proudly. "Not to mention legalese and confusing business double talk. You have no idea how few people actually take the time to read the terms and conditions."
"You would know," Ghira grumbled at the businessman.
Sienna wondered how many laws Jacques bypassed by confusing the hell out of the bureaucrats with legalese. And how many faunus giot scammed out of their rights the same way.
Neptune listened attentively and thought about it as Junior gave him his job contract.
"These are in the contract. I'll give you time to think about it." Junior left Neptune to think about it.
17 seconds later.
"I'll take it!" Neptune said as he walked into Junior's office with the signed contract.
"Kid, it was nice knowing you," Saphron said.
"I have a plan," Neptune said confidently. "There's no way I'd accept that kind of job without one. Especially not after seeing this poor chap get arrested by the feds."
Cardin grumbled at the reminder. He would make extra sure to read the fine print the next time he was asked to sign anything.
Taking off his glasses, Junior asked incredulously, "Come on! Did you even read this before signing it?"
"No," Neptune answered.
Junior chuckled. "You're hired."
He raised a fist for a fist bump, but Neptune clapped it instead.
"We'll work on that," Junior said.
"You begin Monday," Junior said. "These two will show you the ropes."
"No," Militia and Melanie said.
"Hmm," Neptune said. If he got too see those two everyday, this job might not be so bad.
Weiss felt the urge to strangle Neptune, and not because he just signed a contract without even skimming through it.
Back to the present.
"Wait, that's your job?!" Sun said, unbelieving. "You sign sketchy, legally binding documents that could implicate you for Oum knows what?"
"Best job ever right?" Neptune asked.
"Neptune," Weiss began. "You're being stupid! The company is setting you up as their fall guy for all of their illegal activities!"
"There's always a fall guy," Roman said sagely.
"Aren't you theirs?" Qrow asked him, pointing his beer at Cinder's group.
"And don't I know it," Roman groaned. Neo patted him on the back while glaring at Cinder. Stupid bint had them by the balls and knew it too.
Ironwood and Ozpin frowned. Just what was their plan?
"No, you guys are being stupid," Neptune said. "Especially Sun."
"Huh, I didn't say anything?" Sun said.
"You're always stupid," Neptune consoled his friend. "Don't worry, Neptune is here to make up for it."
Sun responded in the time-honoured bro tradition of punching him.
And then kids, Neptune revealed to us his master plan. It all went down a few months after the wedding.
"See," Neptune said. "I told you I had a plan."
"Let's hope it's a good one kid," Robyn said.
Junior snorted. What could a kid do to him, legally at least. Blondies beat up was totally illegal!
Roman looked interested, for academic purposes of course. Never know if one of his minions might try the same thing on him.
Jacques looked at the blue-haired boy, wondering what he would do.
Two months later.
Neptune walked into Junior's office.
"Hey, Junior," Neptune said. "I know you're busy but FYI, I've been colluding with the feds."
Junior looked at him, shocked.
"Oh yeah," Tai said. "That's one way to get revenge."
"It's not that easy, is it?" Ironwood grumbled. He had been trying to get someone inside the White Fang for years, and some kid just decided to infiltrate a company and ruin their boss as if it was just another Monday. Granted, the kid was working for the feds, but it still annoyed him.
"Huh, not bad kid," Clover said.
"Thanks," Neptune said.
Neptune continued. "They know everything and they're on their way to shut down everything and arrest you. Door closed or..."
Junior stood up. "What?! Why would you do that?"
"Told you the kid would sell you out," Roman told Junior.
"Yeah, yeah," Junior grumbled.
"Great, now what?" Militia said.
"We'd have to find a new boss I guess," Melanie said.
"Oh gosh," Neptune said. "Countless moral reasons could have applied. But this is pretty much revenge for stealing my girlfriend."
Ruby looked at Neptune. "Why wouldn't you do it for those moral reasons?"
"Less personal I guess?" Neptune shrugged. "Easier to get motivated when it's personal."
"True," Salem agreed. What was her feud with Ozpin if it was not personal.
"You see, that day I vowed I would do everything in my power to track you down, gain your trust and then destroy you."
"Who are you?!" Junior asked.
"Who am I?" Neptune said. "Just a guy who served you coffee once. Peace out loser."
Neptune gave him the peace sign as federal agents arrived to take everything and arrest Junior.
"You son of a bitch!" Junior yelled. "I'll destroy you! Get your hands off me!"
Neptune ignored Junior's threats as he adjusted his tie using one of Junior's office mirror.
"And you are never welcome in my club, ever," Junior said to Neptune.
"Meh, it's not like I drink anyway," Neptune said.
"Say kid," Nicholas said. "Would you like a job?"
"How would you like a job opportunity Mr. Varsilles?" Ozpin asked.
"Maybe in a few years after I've had a few years as a Huntsmen under my belt," Neptune said.
Back to the present.
"So, Neptune," Weiss said. "I still haven't heard you pronounce that last syllable. At our wedding, will there be, a ring 'bearer'?"
"The truth is," Neptune said. "Yes, there will be a ring 'bearer'. His name is Trevor Hudson, I work with his mother and he is adorable."
Weiss sighed in relief at Neptune's answer.
Weiss sighed in relief as well. "Thank Oum."
"Aww," Nora said disappointed. She wanted a bear for her wedding, maybe an Ursa, like the one she rode during initiation.
Ren felt a chill go down his back, as if Nora just had an idea that he would have to do his utmost best to deny.
"I want our wedding to be perfect Weiss," Neptune explained.
"Me too," Weiss said. "OK, I'm going to go upstairs. He is going to crash with you right?"
Sun nodded. "Yup, we'll see you in the morning."
Weiss gave Neptune a kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Weiss left, leaving the two men alone.
"So romantic," Saphron said with tears in her eyes.
Winter looked away, hiding her own sniffles. Her baby sister was getting married.
Willow was ecstatic. Maybe they would give her blue-haired grandbabies to spoil! She was getting tired of staying drunk anyway.
Neptune felt as if he was in danger, but he didn't know from what.
Seeing that Weiss had left, Sun said, "OK, I've got one last question for you and I can't believe I haven't asked it yet. Dude, you're getting married tomorrow. How are you doing?"
"Good," Neptune answered. "I mean, I'm a little nervous but, I love Weiss more than I've ever loved anyone and I'm going to do everything I can to make her happy."
Sun smiled at the sappy answer.
"For a long time, deep down, I've felt sort of, broken. But, I don't feel that way anymore. Weiss, along with the idea that vengeance will soon be mine, has made me 100% awesome."
"I'm proud of you buddy," Sun said.
Neptune made to say something, but the alcohol wore of and he went back to speaking gibberish.
"And, that's a wrap," Zack said.
"Neptune's getting married and we didn't throw a bachelor party for him!" Sage realized.
"You're right!" Scarlet said. "Sun was the only one there!"
"Shame," Qrow said. He remembered Tai's bachelor party, both of them. Damn, that was a wild night. Now if he could only remember how he ended up in a dress again while handcuffed to a stripper pole.
"What's next?" Ruby asked.
"How do you feel about buddy cops?" Zack asked.
Next few weeks are a little packed with university work, so while I do plan on updating, it'll be a slow thing.
By the way, I want cast suggestions for the next one.
Next : Hot Fuzz - Final Fight (AN: Canceled)
New Next: Hot Fuzz - Various scenes
The final fight was too long and complicated. Instead, we'll be doing some scenes of the movies instead. Sorry if this dissapoints you.