Joanne p.o.v
4 days 7 hours & 35 mins
Thats how long Ashley's been on life support and unconscious. Every day hope for my daughters survival seems to be dropping and I know it's crushing her boys to see her so defenseless.
" did you sleep here again?" I asked noticing Marshall sitting in the same spot we left him the night before, still leaning on her bed, holding her hand and just staring at her.
" yeah, wasn't to bad" he replied glancing at me before turning his attention back to Ashley.
It's funny Ashley has always described Marshall as an interesting character and she's always saying he's a lot different to Eminem.
And it's funny as I'm sitting on the other side of the bed, I can't help but glance at him from time to time and wonder what he's thinking. Without a doubt he's quiet and doesn't say much but you can just tell by his actions how much he cares about Ashley. I've learnt men that have been hurt are sometimes better to date since they know what it's like to be hurt and heartbroken.
"'You know Ashley's really lucky to have someone like you" I said breaking the silence between us as we both sit by her side waiting for any Kind of response.
" nah it's kind of the other way round" he just commented, showing no hint of how he's feeling, he just continues playing softly with her hands. He might not talk much or show any sign of emotions but I know for a fact he cares about her, I know Ashley's ex would never spend as much time sitting by her side like Marshall's doing, of course he would if the paparazzi were around an capture him acting like the perfect boyfriend but that's where it would stop, he wouldn't bother sitting by her side like Marshall's doing, or support and be there for her boys like Marshall has been. This how I know they have something special between them and even though he might not speak a lot he cares and that's all I care about.
" I'm just going to get a coffee, would you like anything?" I asked getting up from my spot to go grab some food, it's going to be another long day at this hospital.
" I'm right thanks" he answered slightly smiling at me before turning back towards Ashley.
Taking one more glance at them before leaving the room to go grab something to eat and drink.
Marshall p.o.v
I know I'm not the most talkative person and are probably really bad company, but I feel these days the only way I can keep it together is to not really talk and just continue being by Ashley's side wishing for her to get better.
Once again I've spent another night by her side, holding her hand thinking about what life could be like.
Seeing how i have some time alone with Ashley before visitors start coming in I take some time to talk to one of the only people I'm comfortable talking to about things.
"Sweetie, I really need you to wake up for me" I whispered softly to her hoping she can hear me.
" your boys need their mother, the world needs Ashley Ann and... You know i need you.......I'm crazy about you and I can't loose you" I continued, playing with her hand while trying to hold the tears back.
" you know it's funny.... I was just thinking the other night about proof and I remembered him always crushing on you........ It was probably around 2006 after the MTV videos awards and We were in the studio one day just chilling with the guys and proof just kept going on about meeting you...... " I continued laughing as I thought about proofs excitement from meeting Ashley.
" now I had no clue because I dont remember one moment from that night but proof seriously talked about you the whole day....... He kept telling us how different you were and how wasn't expecting you to be so down to earth.... I just laughed thinking he was stupid for thinking some stunning singer sensation could ever be down to earth and actually genuinely nice...... But who would have guessed 4 years later I'm now in love with the exact same woman he was talking about all those years ago" I whispered telling her of the story about proof and how he had a massive crush on her and kept bugging me to try and change my mind about her, but back than I thought all female singers were stuck up sluts who were nothing more than a nice fuck.
" it's like he knew things would be different these days...... And I can already imagine what he would be like if he was Alive today..... In someways I think he would be like Royce, always being the peacemaker and the person to go to for advice, without a doubt you guys would have gotten along so well..... " I said knowing her and proof would be like best friends If he was still Alive.
" I just need you, and in someways I can't help but think your like a blessing from proof up above......To everyone else we might be a bizarre couple and people might not think we suit each other because we are so different but when I look at you I see this perfect woman and than there's me who's crazy and got all these issues and I still don't see why you chose me but I'm so glad you did and that's why I need you to come back to me...... But I know if you can't and If you just want to let go, just know I love you okay" I said quickly saying the last bit before her mum came back into the room, making sure to kiss her before I was disturbed.
When her mum entered the room again it's like nothin had happened. Her mum took her seat again as we sat just waiting for something.
It was about an hour or so later when everyone was there, her boys had arrived with Ashley's father and best friend Sam and of course Christine decided to turn up. I just allowed Kane and Isaac to have a few moments as I took my seat of to the side allowing everyone to see Ashley.
The room was crowded but still silent as hell, fifty sat next to me trying to keep the atmosphere calm by talking to everyone but it wasn't the same, the atmosphere was still cold with concern as hope for her recovery continued to decrease.
I think the silence was to much for Kane and Isaac and after a little while fifty asked if they wanted to grab some snacks from the vendor machine, I think it wasn't just to calm them down but to also get them out of the room seeing the doctor had come in to see Ashley.
I was happy the boys had left, because the look on the doctors face wasn't to good and straight away we could tell he had bad news.
" mr and mrs Ann I think it's time we have a chat about a few things as what's the next step to take" he said turning towards her parents that stood next to Sam. I was sitting on the opposite lounge and saw he wanted to talk about alternatives.
" I'll just wait outside give you guys some privacy" I said, getting up and beginning to walk to the door. This wasn't my place and I knew her parents probably wanted some space to think and discuss something's and even though I'm her boyfriend I didn't want to interrupt.
" no Marshall Please don't go..... If you don't mind we would really like you intake and opinion as well.... You are basically part of the family...... But only if you want to" Joanne said catching me before I opened the door. I was shocked at first but hearing how they basically thought I was already family just made me even more sad, but I am grateful they respected me enough to want to know my opinion.
" okay but if you guys are fine with that" I replied seeming smiles come from her parents and Sam but noticing the anger on Christine's face. She probably hated the fact that Joanne and mark already classify me as family and care about what I think.
" so I'm guessing you've got bad news for us?" Joanne asked noticing the quietness of the doctor and his colleagues.
" I haven't go bad news but I also haven't got good news. Usually by this stage we see a difference or sign but with Ashley there's nothing"
He explained standing in front of us as we sat listening while also glancing at Ashley wondering how this could happen.9
" what does that mean?" Sam asked not Knowing exactly what the doctor was saying. He said things haven't changed so I don't know how this is such a bad thing.
" it means we should talk about some alternatives, like turning of her life support..... You see we usually see some kind of sign or improvement by now, and we haven't with Ashley so it means the hope of her waking up is getting slimmer and slimmer by the day"
He said telling us how it is, my heart breaking with every word even though I knew this was coming.
" professionally speaking, do you think she's going to wake up?" I asked everyone turning their attention on me as I asked for the awful truth. I hate sitting here hearing about the truth but hearing how they are beating around the bush just so they don't have to tell us straight up.
Watching the doctor I could tell he was nervous to answer my question.
" professionally speaking, it's very unlikely that she will wake up...... But I'm not saying it's impossible, people have done it, I'm just saying I've been a doctor for many years and i really haven't seen anyone " he answered slowly knowing these aren't the things we want to be hearing right now, we want to know she's going to pull through and be that rare cases.
As the doctor spoke her parents broke down, it sucks hearing your own doctor having no hope.
" just say she does wake up, what are the chances she going to be normal......like are there any side effects?" Sam asked, just glancing at him I can tell he's the only one who's really got hope that she's still going to wake up, everyone is really considering turning off the life support.
" I really can't say, but most likely they're would be. Someone who has been on for this long usually do come out with some problem, um but I can't really say what because they're are so many things that could be wrong, she could come out being brain dead, lose of memory, hard to speak, might not be able to walk but than there's a chance she could come out just having some small nerve problems, or the memory loss might only be temporary and in a few weeks she might be fun...... But this is only if she comes out off it" he answered Sam question telling us the serve problems she could have to having only temporary problems but once again he doesn't look confident that she's going to come out.
" look I let you guys talk it over, but I really think you need to prepare for the worse.... If you do decide to turn it off, it doesn't have to be done straight away, you can take a few days to have time to say goodbye" the doctor continued finishing up he's not so confident talk before walking out, he's basically saying she's not going to make it and that we should turn it off.
I'm drowning in sadness having to think about our options and having to think about letting her go, I was really starting to think that dream was some kind if positive sign but I guess not.
The whole room was silent after really doctor left, non one really wanting to start this tragic conversion and discussion where about to have.
" maybe the doctors right? Maybe it is time to let go" Christine said, of course she was the one who broke the silence, and of course bought up the worst answer.
" it must not be healthy for Kane and Isaac to keep holding on if it's very unlikely she's going to wake up" she continued talking, telling everyone her opinion if they like it or not.
Seeing how I'm still comprehending everything and hearing Christine's suggestion just keeps hurting me, I decide to think and focus on Ashley, slowly drifting of Into another world after getting up from the couch and taking my spot back next to her.
I just held her hand, Looking at her thinking of all the times I would wake up to see her lying beside me just watching as I sleep.
I could tell everyone was talking around me by the way their mouths and lips are moving, but I couldn't hear what they were saying, to me
it was just complete silence as Ashley and I seemed to be the only people in the room.
I don't know how long I was in my own little world and out of it as I sat just looking at her.
" Marshall??.... Marshall?.... Marshall....." I heard someone from behind me, at the start it was a very distant voice but the more I came back to earth the louder the voice got and the more reality hit.
" sorry what were you saying?" I apologized, turning slightly round to face Joanne who was still repeating my name. I didn't mean to look rude not paying attention I just couldn't sit here and listen to Christine who
Thought she knew everything.
" Im just wondering what you think about all of this? What you think we should do?" She asked startling me a little since I wasn't really expecting them to ask for my opinion, I get they were fine with me sitting in on the discussion but I didn't actually think my thought was going to count.
But as I glanced around, I noticed the curious expression on her parents an Sam faces, they actually want to know what I think.
Glancing back to Ashley I quickly think about everything the doctor was just saying, how she probably isn't going to make it and if she does she's probably going to have some problems. I know I should really take in the doctors opinions, but as I keep staring at Ashley I start to really think about her values and the type of person she is and what she would do in this situation.
" look I understand everything the doctor is saying.... but I still think she can pull through this, Ashley is strong and to be honest it hasn't even been a week yet" I answered Her family and told them my opinion whilst looking at Ashley. I get the statistics are pointing to a bad outcome and they haven't seen many people survive these sort of injuries, but they don't know Ashley, they don't know how strong she is or determined she is. In my eyes she's a survivor and I know she wouldn't just leave her boys like this without putting up a real fight.
" but what about her boys don't you think we are putting them through torture, giving them hope on something that's probably not going to happen....... Least setting a date will give them a few days to say goodbye" Christine argued back, sounding not very pleased over my answer, but once again she's looking at the plain boring statistics, she's not understanding Ashley as a individual and not seeing the strength she has.
" I agree with Marshall on this" Sam said backing me up and agreeing with what I'm saying, but even though he can see it, her parents are still the ones calling the shots and they could agree with Christine.
Once again quietness took over, I could tell Joanne and mark were thinking about everything that's been bought up.
" Marshall's right!! Turning off the machine this quickly is giving up to easily. From the moment she was born, she was miracle and you never know she might surprise us again..... Besides if she was here, she wouldn't give up so easily" Joanne finally said, surprising me since i wasn't expecting her to Agree with me. But looking at her parents I can see they still have so much hope that they daughter is going to wake up, but we know the more the days go by the more this hope is going to decrease.
" I'm going to go let the doctor know we are going to give it another week or so" Mark said softly, kissing his wife's lips before leaving the hospital room to go find the doctor and let him know we are going to continue on.
Soon the boys came back with food in their hand ready to spend the afternoon by their mother's side.
" you guys look tired" I commented glancing at her parents who look exhausted just sitting here.
" yeah, we haven't slept much seeing we were only in Canada for a day or so before coming over here" Joanne replied, lifting her head from her husbands chest to rub her tired, sleepy eyes while slightly smiling at me.
" well you know if you guys want to head home for some rest I'll be happy to sit here with the boys" I offered, noticing how they wanted to sleep but felt like they can't leave her boys.
" we couldn't ask you to do that... Besides you haven't slept either" she smiled, politely declining my offer. I can tell she doesn't want to intrude or wreck my plans, but what she doesn't know is spending my night here with Ashley is what I had planned to do.
" I'm fine seriously, besides I'll be here anyway..... So I'm not taking no for an answer.... Plus I'll get my driver to drive you home saves you guys taking a cab" I said firmly while still trying to be polite since I want these guys to like me.
Noticing how I wasn't backing down on my request, they just smile thanking me while getting up from the couch and gathering their things up. I can already notice how relieved they are to be able to go home and sleep for a few hours.
" thanks Marshall, this means a lot" mark said, smiling as they both kissed Kane and Isaac, before leaving the room to head of home and get some rest while they have their hands free.
After they left the three of us sat round watching tv and eating junk food, something we would normally do but this time Ashley wasn't awake instead she just laid in our presence. Sometimes the boys would ask questions about their mother and her recovery and I was happy to answer making sure to stay as positive as I could, even though deep down I was losing more hope each minute.
Joanne P.O.V
I'm so thankful mark and I could come back to Ashley's and get some rest. I think we arrived back home round about 6 and we honestly slept for 4 hours, I could have slept for more but just after 10pm I heard someone open the front door.
" hey, we didn't mean to wake you" Marshall said walking through the front door as I'm walking down stairs wondering what the noise was.
" it's okay I overslept anyway" I smiled, Straight away I noticed him giving Isaac a piggy back who's fast asleep resting his head on his shoulder.
" they fell asleep a while ago and I don't want them to sleep at the hospital" Marshall said explaining why he's here so late. Straight away I see the caring, father side Ashley has told me about and it was so sweet for him to bring them home.
" why don't you guys go hop into bed and I'll see you tomorrow" he said, giving them both a guy hug and handshake before they tiredly trotted towards the stairs.
" I don't like leaving mum alone, what happens if she wakes up and no ones there, she'll be alone" Isaac sadly commented, holding onto the railing before beginning to walk up the stairs. He looked so sad and worried about his mother.
" she won't be alone, I'll be there beside her just in case she wakes up" Marshall answered, easing Isaacs worries before he headed upstairs to his bedroom,
Leaving marshal and I just standing there.
" you should really head home and get some rest Marshall" I commented knowing all these nights at the hospitals wouldn't be doing him any good a lack of sleep can make a guy to crazy.
" nah I'm fine really, besides i sleep better when I'm near her.........Have a good night sleep, and I'll
See you tomorrow" he just said quietly before walking out the front door before I could even reply. He might not talk a lot but this man defiantly loves Ashely I just wish he had been around longer.
Marshall p.o.v
6 days 5hours and 32mins.
That's how long it's been and to be honest I'm getting over it all.
Why can't she just see she's needed here and wake up, her boys sit by her bedside every minute of everyday and still after 6 days there's no sign of improvement.
I don't mean to sound rude or arrogant, I'm just getting over not sleeping and spending majority of my days at the hospital
Maybe you can say this arrogant attitude and cold behavior is due from the lack of sleep in getting seeing I'm spending most of my nights at the hospital praying for a woman who's most likely not going to wake up.
Today I've decided to have a break from the hospital, once again I spent the night there having little naps but that's about it, I'll go see her again tonight even though I know it ls pointless.
I know you can tell my personality and positive thinking has vanished but these last couple of days I've been more preparing myself for the worse instead of sitting by her hoping she wakes up.
Seeing how I don't just want to sit at home all day grieving I've decided to head into the studio, some of the guys are in there hanging out so I know they will help me forget about all the drama in my life at the moment.
Royce p.o.v
Even though it's a bad time at the moment, the guys and i have still decided to work in the studio. I've been to the hospital multiple times and every time I go I just see Marshall sitting by Ashley's side, looking miserable and lost without her being awake.
It was around 10 and of course the guys have ordered takeaway and invited the groupies over, majority of them are sad to hear about Ashley but some are taking advantage of Marshall having time of to invite the young models over and hang out with them. It's a great excuse for the ones that are married, they just tell their wives they're going to the studio to work but really they're flirting and hooking up with skanks.
" do you know how Ashley is?" Bizarre asked sitting across from me at the conference table enjoying Lunch like everyone else. I wanted to tell him things have gotten better but I knew that would be a lie.
" still the same, just got to keep praying" I replied, looking down in sadness knowing there is a good chance Marshall's going to loose the only other girl he's ever been in love with besides Kim.
All of D12 have been visiting her just like I have, but the other guys like Yelawolf and slaughterhouse are still
Shocked to even hear that Marshall is in fact her boyfriend, that rumor of them dating is exploding everywhere but no one from Eminem or Ashley's management have commented to confirm it or not, I think Christine is just hoping the rumor blows over and I think Paul just doesn't really know what to say at this stage, since Marshall barely talks these days instead most of his time is spent with Ashley and her family at the hospital.
" I didn't know Marshall was coming in today" Yelawolf said walking back into the studio after playing some basketball outside. I can tell he's surprised just like the rest of us are to hear that Marshall is here when he should be at the hospital.
" are you sure it's him?" I asked, shocked as stunned to even think Marshall would come in today. Ashley isn't getting better and everyone is talking about her family switching of life support, so I thought he would be there spending as much possible time as he can with her.
" yeah I just saw him arrive" Yelawolf answered, throwing the ball to a few mates before wiping the sweat of his face with his t shirt.
I'm still surprised he is even here after everything he's going through, but it looks like Yelawolf is right because within a few seconds I hear the front door opening and soon see Marshall enter the studio.
" hey, we weren't expecting you" I stated watching Marshall enter. The first thing I notice is the tiredness and exhaustion in him, you can not only see it in his face but you can notice it throughout his whole body and mannerism.
" yeah just thought Id check in" he replied, shaking a few of the guys hands trying to act friendly, when deep down you can tell he's exhausted and hasn't slept in a while plus he's heart is probably breaking.
I watched as he walked round the table towards the mini fridge.
" how's Ashley doing?" I asked wondering how everything is going, even the other guys seem interested in knowing what's happening at the hospital and surprised to see him here.
" basically dead" he sadly mumbled taking a red bull from the fridge. I think everyone literally just went silent not knowing what to say and wondering how something like this could come out of Marshall's mouth.
But it didn't seem to hit him and he just continued on with what he's doing.
" shouldn't you be at the hospital with her?" Bizarre asked, sitting across from me looking as shocked as I am.
How could he say something like this I thought he would have more respect for her and her family, not to mention I thought he would at least be there if things aren't looking to good.
" I've been there for 6 days and there's been no change, I want a distraction and sometime to relax and take my mind of all this drama" he answered, talking a seat at the table while everyone sat in shock. I still can't believe these things are coming out of his mouth, obvisiouly he's not taking things as well as we thought he was because this is what Marshall does he turns nasty and cold to hide his true sad emotions.
Usually I would say something but seeing how heartbroken he looks I just sit back and let him relax like he wants to.
It didn't take long before the atmosphere started to loosen up and became fun and relaxing again since Marshall showed up.
Im also surprised to notice how quickly Marshall adjusted back to his old self joking around with the guys like everything was fine and like he's girlfriend wasn't in the hospital fighting for her life.
Yelewolf and slaughterhouse loved having Marshall back and you can tell the groupies also loved having him around, but me and the guys from d12 could tell this wasn't Marshall, this wasn't the same guy who's been praying for Ashley and sitting by her side just wishing she wakes up, this guy was a totally different person. But there were times he would be silent and I knew the pain was hitting him hard and as much as he tried to push away his grief and sadness he just couldn't escape everything that's going on.
The moment he Decided to flirt with a bunch of girls was the moment I became worried, something is majorly wrong with him because I knew he wouldn't be doing this knowing it would hurt Ashley. Seeing how these girls loved the idea of Eminem being in the studio they all gathered round, playfully seducing him not even caring that Obie and I also stood in this group.
There was this one particular girl who was going that extra mile for Marshall to pay attention To her, she would constantly move closer to him while talking knowing he couldn't help but look down and stare at her massive fake boobs.
I tried to figure out what's running through his mind as he Continues flirting with her, but I just couldn't figure it out.
I saw Obie was getting pissed off at Marshall's behavior, you see his mother just passed away from Breast Cancer so all this stuff is a real touchy subject for him, but looking over at him I can see he's about to loose it at any second.
Im busy keeping an eye on Obie who's standing beside me when I hear that same girl start giggling and when I turn back to Marshall who's sitting on a bench, I see the girl pretend to stumble, seeing how Marshall put his hands out to help her she basically stumbled right into him having him place his hands right where she wanted him to.
I saw the shock come over his face when he realized he's hands were around another girls waist as she stood in between his legs. I think seeing this really blew Obie over the edge, seeing he can't help but shake his head in disgust.
" pathetic..... So much for being in love with Ashley" he mumbled, while turning around and beginning to walk away not wanting to watch anymore of this bullshit.
I think he wasn't expecting anyone else to hear his comment but seeing how the studio was quiet at this stage majority of people including Marshall heard exactly what he has just said.
" what did you just say!!!" Marshall yelled angrily, pushing to girl away and jumping of the bench quickly to follow Obie.
He's fuming, you can see it in his face as he goes up and pushes Obie after he turned back round to face Marshall and everyone else, but it's not like Obie cares or is even the slightest bit scared, to be honest he just shoves Marshall right back looking even more pissed of than he did before.
Once again Marshall wasn't expecting this and they kept going at each other until Obie grabbed Marshall's shirt and shoved him up against a brick wall in force.
" your girlfriend, who's meant to be to be the woman you love is literally in the hospital fighting for her life and your here flirting and feeling Up someone else not caring one bit about ashley..... That's so disrespectful" he shouted angrily in Marshall's face, keeping him in place against the brick wall by scrunching his shirt up around the collar, even I was scared to see Obie this mad but what surprises me even more was Marshall never once defends himself or tries to push Obie away he just let's him rip into him as the guilt of what he's just been doing starts to hit him.
" come on that's enough Obie" I said trying to be calm as me and a few other guys storm over and try to pull Obie off Marshall who's still not moving or fighting back he's just letting Obie yell in his face.
It takes sometime but we soon manage to rip Obie off Marshall, here we have Obie who's fuming and trying to calm down and than we have Marshall who is showing no emotion and is not even fighting back which we're so used to him doing. Instead he just stands there, not saying a word but looks so close to breaking down into tears.
" I'm sorry" he whispered so softly, seeming like he's on the verge of crying as he slowly pushes past Obie and me and walks into his office. I know a lot didn't hear his last comment, but I did I just don't know if he was apologizing to us or to Ashley for what he had just done.
Marshall p.o.v
How could I do that to her? Obie is right I'm pathetic, it was ridiculous and wrong to think I could come here and get distracted so I stopped thinking about Ashley, I didn't plan to have groupies at my studio but one thing led to another and I began flirting with them when I knew I shouldn't even be here.
I'm such a fucking loser and probably the worst boyfriend ever! I guess I'm so upset about losing her that I thought I should get used to not having her around, but what I really should be doing is sitting by her beside praying and hoping she's going to make it. Everyone's right, Ashley deserves someone so much better than me, she deserves to have someone who knows how to handle his emotions and doesn't freak out and do something stupid like exactly what I've just done.
The one thing Ashley has always been worried about is me going of and letting out my anger or sadness by fucking someone else just to help, and flirting with that girl is basically the same.
Seeing how I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone I just go and curl up on the couch remembering the moments Ashley and I used to lay here for hours just holding each other after having sex. It's hard to imagine how someone has that special ability to create such a wonderful atmosphere around her, my office isn't the ideal place to spend time being intimate with your girlfriend but Ashley knew this was the best we could do and somehow worked with it and changed it up from time to time so it didn't feel so much like fucking in my office.
" Marshall" I heard waking me up from that tiny little nap I must have drifted into. It wasn't a deep one but I still didn't know how long I have been sleeping for, I only could hear someone calling my name.
" I'm not in the mood to talk" I yelled wishing who ever is on the otherwise would just leave me alone, I've already embarrassed myself enough in front of the guys seeing how I nearly burst out in tears in front of them, but luckily I managed to make it back to my room before the water works began.
However I could hear the door opening slowly, so who ever it is hasn't listened to my request, but seeing how I have no strength to lift my head I just keep resting it on the back of the couch with my hat covering my eyes from the light.
Elton p.o.v
Seeing my voice disturbed his sleep he slowly removed his hat wondering who has entered his office disturbing his time alone.
" Elton, what are you doing here ?" He asked, I can tell he's surprised to see me and shocked to see me in Detroit.
" I'm recording some songs for a new musical" I lied, making up some excuse about a musical I was doing. I didn't want Marshall to know why I'm really here but by the way he's looking at me I can tell he sees right through my lies.
" okay, so Paul rang me. Everyone's worried about you" I said finally telling him the real reason I'm here, while I go and take a seat in his office chair so I can face him while he sits curled up on the couch.
Straight away I can see why Paul and the guys are worried, he looks so dam exhausted and worn out just from not sleeping much since the accident.
" I'm fine" he just spat back, saying the words Im so used to hearing from him, Especially when he first became sober it took me ages to earn his trust and for him to open up to me about things.
" you don't look fine nor are you acting fine from what I have just heard" I argued back not afraid to give him attitude like he's giving me. I'm not prepared to backdown from helping him even if it is going to be a challenge to breakdown the emotional walls of his.
" so what you're here to judge me as well...... Don't worry no one can hate me more than I hate myself right now" he muttered, looking at me with so much sadness and heartache in his eyes. Seeing his tears beginning to fall I realize just how much he does trust me and isn't afraid to show how he's really feeling.
" don't hate yourself, you made a mistake but you can fix it" I said sincerely, watching as he tries to hide his sadness. It doesn't matter how much I tell him he can fix things no doubt will he be feeling guilty and hating himself for a while after flirting with someone else while he's girlfriend is in hospital, I'm just thankful things didn't go further.
" you know I've just been to see Ashley at the hospital...... Man you've left a real impression on her parents, they all seem to adore you and your girls" I said nicely,'looking down as I remembered all the nice things they had to say about Marshall and his girls.
I thought these words would help him but as he sat listening to me his tears began to get worse and i literally could feel his heart-aching from where I'm sitting.
" I'm sorry" I apologized not knowing my words would affect him so badly. From the day I first met Marshall I knew he was going to be a tough character to get through and for many months he was cold and rude but after I did break down those walls that's when I really started to see the real him and I saw how much love he has in his heart.
" it'a fine" he replied, wiping away his tears, still trying to be the strong one.
It took me a while but I finally got him to start opening up about things and talking to me about how he's coping with all the stress.
Being sober is difficult, times like this is extremely hard that's why you need to talk about things to someone, so I'm glad he opened up and talked to me about these craving he's been having since the accident.
" when's the last time you actually had a proper sleep, like in an actual bed?" I asked after listening to Marshall talk about how much time he's been spending at the hospital, even her parents haven spent that much time at the hospital.
" I don't know I guess before the accident" he answered, wiping his eyes just trying to stay awake. No wonder he did a stupid thing to today he hasn't had a good night sleep for nearly a whole week everyone knows you do reckless things when you don't sleep.
" Marshall's that's not good" I said hoping he can see that a lack of sleep isn't good for someone trying to stay sober and not crave tablets to stay awake or fall Asleep.
" I know it's just when I go home and lie down everything feels so empty, my girls aren't there Ashley's in hospital. So I start to think about everything going on and I always start thinking the worse and it gets to much for me to handle that I actually start thinking about taking a sleeping pill just to stop my mind from exploding, but if I'm at the hospital focusing on Ashley it helps prevent these cravings" he explained trying to justify his actions. Hearing him explain things and how he feels makes more sense and I Begin to see it from his perspective but this still doesn't make what he's doing right.
" Marshall you need to go home and take a few hours to rest, I know it's going to be hard especially when you cant sleep......but you not sleeping is just going to make things worse especially with the cravings" I said, telling him what he needs to do. Guys that seem to run away from things just make it worse and usually they're not as bad when you face them. I really think he needs to find a comfortable bed, draw the curtains together, get warm and really have a good rest, It may even help him to think about a moment he spent with Ashley to help him drift off.
" yeah I know, you're right I should go home and sleep" he finally agreed with me, I guess from what's happened today he can really see what no sleep can do to you and how it can effect your life.
We sat and talked for a little while longer before he agreed to head home, I offered to drive him since he isn't fit to be behind the wheel of a car.
" can I ask you something Elton?" He said breaking the silence between us, I honestly thought he was asleep sitting beside me in the back seat but I guess not.
" sure " I smiled placing my phone down to give him my attention. I can tell he's a bit nervous to ask me since he's taking his time.
" do you believe in dreams meaning something?" He asked slowly, watching my reaction. I have to admit his question surprised me a little bit since I'm not used to him being so gentle.
" of course I do, I think dreams are given to us for a reason and you have two choices you can either let them just be dreams or you can go out and pursue them. It's up to you" I explained hoping this is encouraging him to do something or to least have faith.
" why do you ask?" I asked wondering why he's become interested in dreams, Marshall's never been the most spiritual
Person but he is getting better and deeper since proof and his aunt died.
" it's just I had this dream about........ Argh actually don't worry about it" he said, he was beginning to tell me but than he hesitated and decided not to, obvisiouly getting worried over my reaction.
" okay" I just replied knowing it's not best to push him for something, if he wants to tell me he can and maybe he will later on.
Marshall p.o.v
Elton is right I can't keep avoiding sleep, otherwise I'll keep acting like I did today and that won't be good. I think as bad as it gets I just have to keep pushing through it one day at a time and not let my grief overpower my strength, I know Ashley would hate it if her not waking up and getting better destroyed everything I have built these last couple of years.
But still it's hard trying not to think about the worse. Every part of me wants to be believe she's going to get better but I have to admit I do have my doubts.
Im dying to go see Ashley at the hospital, it's only been one day but it's feels like forever. Seeing how I'm taking Elton's advice and allowing myself some rest I knew the only way I'm going to properly sleep is by being close to Ashley but knowing I can't go to the hospital and get a proper rest the second best place is her house.
I already know her parents and boys are at the hospital so it was easy just to let myself in that evening. I've never witnessed it so silent, even when Ashley's home she always has some kind of music playing or the tv on, but this evening there's nothing.
I walk through the dark house heading straight to Ashley's room, I can't help but remember the time we came home and we were so eager to be with each other that we basically ran into everything just trying to make it to her bedroom which is out towards the back of the house.
Opening the door to her room, I'm surrounded by her belongings. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea? I thought to myself noticing how nothing has been moved Or put away, everything is where she left it before coming to my house the night of the accident.
I make my way to bathroom where we've had multiple magical moments in. One of the things Elton did suggest was try thinking about all the good moments Ashley and I have shared, seeing how there is so many nearly everything is bringing back up some kind of memory, even if it was a little glance or smile I still can't seem to get them out of my head.
I jump into the shower and get into some comfortable clothes I have left here, like my house she has got a spot in her wardrobe for my things.
I quickly slide into her bed that looks so dam inviting, it would look even better if Ashley was lying under the covers waiting for me like she used to do but seeing how that's not going to happen I just hop in.
I thought about pulling down both sides of the bed, but seeing how she's perfectly made it I just tuck myself in on the side I usually sleep on.
Besides not disturbing the pillows on her side actually made things more cozy and I know this probably sounds gay and weird but this allowed me to snuggle up against them like i would if she was here laying beside me.
I miss her so much, I miss touching her and the way we held each other, I'm begin to crave tasting her, needing to hear her voice in my ear as I try to sleep, I cant help but start thinking of all the things we've done in this bed and everything we've talked about.
I know this all sounds really gay but imagining Ashley was right beside sleeping the way she always does, curled up by my side allowing me to hold her all night and keep us warm as she snuggles her head into my chest actually made me more relaxed and it didn't take long till I was drifting of to sleep in visioning every inch of her body and thinking about all the nights we just laid here talking to each other.
Well let's just say Elton was right, I finally took a long over sleep. I think I fell asleep around about 8 pm and spent the whole night sleeping. There were times I would wake up and just lay there thinking about things and allowing myself to rest before drifting back of to sleep again, but as much as I loved resting the pain was still there within me and there were times I would just start tearing up after remembering something we might never get to experience again.
The morning light was shining through and I was currently again resting my eyes as I had another sleep, I would fall asleep and wake up just picturing her smiling beside me as she watches me intensely with those amazing soft eyes of hers.
You know I was in a middle of a really good dream, it was random and made no Sense but to me it was one of those dreams I just didn't want to wake up from.
Throughout these last couple of hours I swear I could hear my mobile vibrating, but seeing it's tucked away in my jeans the noise was very faint and was easy to block out.
But it wasn't until I heard another loud ringing noise, since I'm having such a nice dream and comfortable sleep for once I try so hard to just ignore the ringing like I've been doing with my mobile.
But as much as I tried really hard to ignore it, the ringing of her home phone just came to much since someone just kept ringing over and over again.
So I just rolled over to her side with my eyes barely open and grabbed her home phone of her night stand wondering who could be calling at 9 am in the morning.
Me: Hello...
( i mumbled tiredly, my voice having this rusty morning tone to it)
Fifty: finally I got onto you, everyone's been trying to contact you....
( he started speaking in relief forgetting to even say who it is, but luckily I can recognize fiftys voice in seconds)
Me: sorry.... I fell asleep
( I apologized not even really sure why, but hearing his frantic voice as he speaks really quickly I started to panic.)
Fifty: it doesn't matter anyway........ Its just you have to get your arse down to the hospital.....
( he continued, sounding weird, but hearing his frantic, quick voice made me start to panic wondering what has happened over night)
Me: WHY!!!..... Has something happened??
(I asked, basically yelling as I quickly jumped out of bed. My heart pounding knowing this is bad news and the news I've been dreading)
Fifty: yeah it has........ She's awake
( he said more calmly. My whole boy went into complete shock as I tried to comprehend what he has just said.)
Me: what did you just say?.......
( I asked wanting him to repeat it since i couldn't comprehend his words)
Fifty: haha she's awake and she's asking for you.....
(he said again, I literally had no idea if he was telling me the truth or if this was some perfect dream I'm still trapped, but this didn't stop me from getting a bit excited)
Me: I'll be there in a few
(I said quickly hanging up and gathering my things up as I thought about Ashley and how a miracle has happened.)