Jane: (out of breath) Oh yes. You're almost there...
A bed appears with Jane and Peter having sex.
When they finished, he roled off from her both out of breath.
Jane: No offense but I was actually expecting more.
[knock on door]
Peter: Oh shit. It's my wife. (jumps up)
Jane: I thought you're getting divorced.
Peter: About that...
Jane: (terrified) You asshole. (stood up)
Peter: Just tell her we had a meeting. It won't kill us.
Jane: fuck yeah we only had a meeting. Your dick is so small, Thumbelina's prince's dick is bigger than yours.
Peter: you're just jealous.
Jane: of what? My ex-husband having a bigger dick than you or Thumbelina's prince.
Peter: My dick isn't small.
Jane: you're right. I'm just use to getting my pussy torn apart. (Laugh) You fucking suck dude.
Peter: Fuck you.
Jane: Tried that. Not again.
***
Jane: (on the phone) Listen to me you piece of shit!
She opens the front door for Jake and Lauren.
Jane: Whatever game you think you're playing will come to an end this fucking instant. (break) I don't give a shit asshole! You're a liar you son of a bitch two face retarted bastard!(break) I fucking quit cock sucker! (hang up the phone)
Lauren: Well somebody stole your croissant.
Jane: I have no job any more. That fucking asshole is a piece of shit.
Jake: (laugh) Well, now you have no excuse.
Jane: What?
Jake: I won a trip for four. You, me, Lauren and Agnes.
Jane: I'm not going.
Jake: Well, just as much as you don't want to go, you have no fucking choice.
Jane: That sounded so hot but I'm still not going anywhere.
***
They sit in a double cap bakkie about to hit the road.
Agnes: I can't believe you brought her with us.
Jane: You know, shut the fuck up Agnes.
Jake: Would both of you just stop it?
Agnes: Why?
Jake: because one of these days Agnes, I'm gonna fuck Jane so hard that you wouldn't recognize her.
Jane: Great fucking shit.
Agnes: He doesn't mean it slut. You won't get anything from him.
Jane: Fuck you bitch. Go fuck yourself you second hand whore.
Agnes: No thank you. I've got your ex-husband for that.
Jane: Well, you've good taste in men to have him but his taste in women fucking sucks.
Agnes: F...
Jake: Stop it both of you!
Lauren: Yeah especially if you even forgot that I'm here. AGAIN.
***
They walk along the woods with their bagpacks looking around.
Agnes: I hope you're planning on keeping the bugs away from me.
Jane: bugs only goes after shit. And by the way, Jake is a person, not a fucking net.
Agnes: I wasn't talking to you
Jane: oh really? Cause from my ass it sounds like you were.
Jake: And trust me, that is one fine ass she's got.
Jane: How do you know what my ass even looks like?
Jake: Oh trust me, I know.
Lauren: Are you really gonna have a conversation about mom's ass?
Jake: We're talking about the beauty of nature honey. Your mom is nature beauty herself.
Jane: Ga! As if!
Agnes: Yeah, as if.
Jane: I was talking about me FYI.
Jake: Jane, you're so fucking sexy, you make me want to change my pants everytime I even hear your name so don't underestimate yourself babe.
Jane: Yeah? Well, everytime I think of your name I think about orgasms.
Jake: (stop and look at her) That's hotter than fucking hell.
Jane: Yeah? Then you must imagine how hot it is in my pants.
Agnes: You two are fucking disgusting.
Jane: Yeah? Then you should see what it's like being alone with him.
Jake: That was hot.
Agnes: You're talking like this infront of a kid.
Jake: You or Lauren?
Lauren: I'm used to it.
Agnes: You're sick.
Jane: Good thing I'm his medicine.
Jake: Healthiest medicine. Fuck it I'm coming unto you.
He approach Jane that also went to him, but both stopped when Lauren jumped in between them.
Lauren: Okay, that's enough. You two are divorced, remember that, okay?
***
They all took a seat in the bar around a table for four.
Waitress: Can I take your orders?
Jake: I'll have a beer.
Agnes: Wine please. Red.
Jane: a dry martini with a little twist.
Lauren: I'll just have a cola and lemonade.
Waitress nod and walk away.
Jake: so, let's talk. We're hitting the road. We are camping in the bushes tonight. I got blown-up matresses. Two singles and one double.
Agnes: Good. Where do who sleep?
Jake: You and Lauren hit the single mattresses. Me and Jane has unfinished business.
Jane: I swear if you ever say that again I'll fuck you so hard right here right now and you won't be able to get a boner to the rest of your life.
Jake: Unfinished business.
Lauren: No! (grab her mother) control yourselves. Gosh, that's why I don't like the idea of you two being together.
Jane: I swear if your dad and I was still together you'd have a school filled with brothers and sisters.
Jake: Don't forget a whole planet out there full of them.
Jane: Fuck yeah. You'd be dried out.
Agnes: Could you two just build a bridge and get over your fucking selves?
Jake: Impossible. Especially now that I can imagine Jane running naked through my mind. Hold on...yes, she's hitting my bed tonight.
Jane: just keep the deadly objects away. I can get too kinky sometimes.
Lauren: (disgusted) Mom! Ewww!
Agnes: I thought you are used to it.
Lauren: I am. I'm just trying to act normal since everyone is listening to us.
Jane: We cannot be normal honey, it runs in the family.
Jake: and it comes out of the bedroom.
Jane: What your dad said.
Lauren: So, is there any chance I can have a brother or sister?
Jane: How many would you like to have?
Agnes: Good gracious Jane. You're thirty five.
Jake: And Meryl Streep was fourty two when she had her youngest.
Jane: In your face bitch.
Lauren: I finally admit it, I need to update my parents.
Jake: All update I need is a status update honey. From it's complicated to married and from one child to dozens. Your mother won't soon be my ex-wife, child, she'll be me and my bed's wife.
Jane: really? When was that decision made?
Jake: The first time I fucked you so hard you immediately said yes.
Jane: Oh...now that actually makes sence.
Jake: Why won't it? I'll fuck that tight body into jelly every damn night till you are nothing but liquid.
Jane: You better fucking proof me asshole. Else I'll cut out your dick and burn that sucker.
Jake: oh I'll proof you. I'll proof you real good.
Agnes: No you won't.
Jake: Quiet. I talk to people, not animals.
Lauren: ouch. Now that actually makes sence why my parents doesn't talk to me.
***
They finally finished up making their bed about to get tucked in.
Jake: Jane?
Jane: Yes? I'm here.
Jake: get in my fucking bed, now.
Agnes: No fucking way.
Lauren: yeah, no!
Jane: Quiet. I need to go change my clothes.
Jake: you need help?
Lauren and Agnes: No!
Jake: Oh she needs help.
Jake run after her before the two could stop her.
Jane grab her clothes from her bag and walk back to them with Jake.
Jane: stop following me Jake. I'm not on heat.
Jake: You don't need to be on heat baby. I'll make you heat up.
Jane: That's hot but not cool man. I need my privacy.
Jake: fine, I'll wait for you in my bed.
Jane: enjoy. (disappear behind the trees.)
Agnes: you know, it's not nice to talk to a woman like that Jake. Especially not your fucking ex.
Jake: When the bed is on fire, do you tell the person nice things to get her out or do you chase that bitch out?
Jane: Chase that bitch!
Jake: Exactly. Thank you baby! I'll fuck you later for that.
Jane: with fucking pleasure!
Jake: there it is Agnes. You tell that bitch and when you are safe from the fire, you fucking tell her what's on your heart.
Jane: (came to them)now, fuck me so hard that your balls will be on fire.
Lauren: No! Hold on! Not here okay! Wait a while and rethink this through!
Jane: I wasn't gonna have sex with him baby. I'm just a teaser, you know me.
Agnes: So you two won't really sleep together?
Jane: Of course we will, just not now.
Jake: Get in bed baby!
Jane: Fuck yeah.
She run to their bed and climb in next to him.
Jake: (mouthing) thank you.
Jane: (wink) Let's fuck to sleep bitches!
Lauren: (sighed) Night mom. Night dad. Night Agnes.
Agnes: yeah whatever.
Jane: Get your hand off my ass.
Jake: That's a nice ass Janey.
Jane: Fuck you.
Jake: Please and thank you.
Jane: (turn around and look at him) Don't make me horny all over again because I swear I'll fuck you till your dick falls off.
Jake: later babe. I'm tired.
Jane: Better be.
Jake: (whisper) It's nice having you here Janey.
Jane: (whisper) yeah? Just to have kinky sex with me or what?
Jake: (whisper) Kinky sex and my wife.
Jane: (smile) Good night Jake. And keep away from my pants or you ain't getting shit.
Jake: Yes boss.
***
They got to a restaurant. Jake and Jane sat next to each other infront of Agnes and Lauren.
Agnes: So, what did you two do last night? I heard someone giggling.
Lauren: That was me. I was playing with a little bug that climbed into my bed.
Agnes: Ewww.
Jake: I was also playing with a bug. (touch Jane's leg) very naughty bug.
Jane: I slept right through the whole damn night.
Lauren: You sure?
Jake: oh trust me. I'm kind of surprised that we didn't end up having sex again.
Jane: Don't worry hun, your time is coming.
Jake: Tonight? Back of the truck?
Jane: Fuck yeah.
Agnes: Excuse me, we are still here.
Jane: turn up the windows and lock the doors, right? Just make sure there are rocks infront and behind the wheels for extra support.
Jake: Just getting better baby.
***
Jane and Jake sat in the back of his truck looking around then back at each other.
Jake: thank you for helping me out of this Jane. I really appreciate it.
Jane: No worries. That slut deserves the torture. Called herself my best friend. Fuck her, that slut.
Jake: Oh please don't fuck her. You don't know what diseases she got.
Jane: I can't believe you ran away with my best friend. What the fuck did you see in her.
Jake: Nothing. (look back) She's coming.
Jane: Then get the fuck on me.
He climb upon her that wrapped her legs around his body undoing his pants.
Jake: What the fuck are you doing?
Jane: She won't believe it if you still have your pants on asshole.
Jake: Smart Jane. But you know I'll get a boner, right?
Jane: No you won't.
She pull his pants down. He go to her neck pretending to have sex with her accidentally rubbing against her a few times. She role her eyes and got into acting pretending to be about to have orgasms. She stop immediately grabbing his arms while he placed his hands between them.
Jane: J...Jake...what are you...ah...
He move forward grabbing her hands pinning them against the seat.
Jake: Are you alright with this?
Jane: Yes. Go on. (breathes)
Jake: Good.
He start moving back and forth having real sex with her.
Jane: Oh my gosh...Jake...you ah...gosh kill me...Ah.
Agnes saw it and immediately turned around walking away ignoring them.
Jane: (lift her top body in pleasure) Ahhh! (out of breath) What the fuck was that?
Jake: What we both wanted to do.
Jane: We're not even together.
Jake: Shut up, you loved it.
Jane: (look at him and he at her) I actually did. But why did you...?
Jake: Because I'm still in love with you Jane. Gosh, I'm so messed up.
Jane: Yeah, you are. Gosh, this was the best sex I've had in years.
Jake: Then we should do this regularly.
Jane: I ain't saying no to that.
Jake: (smile at her) Good. (kiss her)
She kiss him back looking at him before they both got their clothing right again. She climb out looking down at her legs then back at him.
Jane: Is it just me or can I barely walk?
Jake: I told you I'll fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk. Plus, I ain't done with you woman.
Jane: Holy cow. You can put that big thing in me anytime. Just say when.
Jake: Big?
Jane: Get over it. (look around)
Jake: Oh I'll get over it. (touch her ass)
Jane: you better fuck me so hard that the people will think it's an earthquake.
Jake: I'll fuck you so hard the people will think it's the end of the world.
Jane: (grab him around the neck) You better do it asshole.
#
This isn't very good... But I hope you like it