Chapter 31: "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." Peter Pan
I got up at 5 in the morning just so I could practice early at school. I had to do it on my own since Ally and David have morning classes. Napapalatak ako ng muntik na akong sumubsob sa lupa sa kakahabol ng bola. I took a deep breath and hit the ball.
"I need a partner," I told my friends who also came early to school for me.
"Hindi naman kami marunong mag-tennis eh."
"Yung totoo, bakit pa kayo pumunta ng maaga kung uupo lang pala kayo diyan?"
"Moral support?" ani Cherry.
I just made a face. After my classes, I continued practicing. Ang problema ay parehong may lakad sina Ally at David kaya hindi nila ako masasamahan mag-practice ngayon.
"This is useless," I muttered and sat on the ground, huffing. Bukas na ang match namin ni Duke pero hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang pwede kong gawin para manalo laban sa kanya. "Maybe I should just cheat. Ugh! Nakakabaliw!" Tuluyan na akong humiga at tumingin sa langit at mga bituin.
Napabaling ako sa kanan ko ng may humintong puting mga sapatos sa gilid ko. I looked up and my lips parted as our eyes met. Napunta ang tingin ko sa suot niya. He's wearing a white Adidas shirt and black shorts with the same brand. Clearly, he's here to play. Pero bakit ginabi siya?
"How's your practice so far?" I guess he understood my answer when I grimaced. "Get up."
He extended his hand to me. Napunta ang tingin ko doon. He tilted his head on one side, and raised his brow. Napalunok ako at inabot ang kamay niya. He helped me get up. Nadismaya ako ng bitawan niya ang kamay ko. Dapat tinagalan ko na lang ang paghiga sa lupa.
Kumunot ang noo ko ng magpunta siya sa kabilang bahagi ng court. What is he doing? "What are you still waiting for, Tamara? Let's start."
"T-teka, anong ginagawa mo? I mean, hindi mo kailangan gawin ito. I know how busy you are. You don't have to help me."
"You're gonna play singles tomorrow against Duke," he said, ignoring what I had said. "Try to return this ball by performing either a backhand ground stroke or a volley. I suggest you do the first one tomorrow. Duke is known for his powerful smash. Don't give him the opportunity to execute that move."
As he hit the ball, I tried to hit the ball back. Sa mga unang subok ko ay hindi ko nagawa, but he remained patient with me.
"Practice controlling the ball first, Tamara. The problem with you is you're fixated on striking the ball with power," he said as I failed to return the ball. "Be patient. You can add speed and power later on. And remember not to lose focus."
Seryoso akong nakinig sa mga itinuturo niya sa akin. He pointed out Duke's weaknesses and told me what I should do. We were both exhausted and lay down on the ground. Pareho kaming nakatingin sa langit.
"Thank you," I muttered after a while.
"Just enjoy the game tomorrow. Don't feel pressured."
I bit my lower lip. "But.."
He breathed out. "Duke won't ask me to do anything drastic, so don't worry about me."
Bumaling ako sa kanya. "I will do my best tomorrow. Ipapanalo ko iyon."
He gave me a sideways look, and smiled. "I know. I know, Tamara."
My mouth curved into a smile.
"Ally, ano yung pwede kong ipainom kay Duke para sumakit tiyan niya during the game?"
She chuckled. "Laxatives."
Tumingin ako sa kanya. "I think cheating is the only way for me to win against him," I said glancing at Duke who's already warming up.
"Mabuti pa mag-warm up ka na lang. Puro ka kalokohan," ani kuya David. "Pumunta ka na sa gitna."
I was too nervous to even take a single step. I took a deep breath. "Kaya mo ito, Tamara. Kaya mo. Para kay Shin ito." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath again. Pahakbang na sana ako ng may biglang humawak sa braso ko.
"Shin!" Pakiramdam ko ay nabawasan ang kaba ko ng makita ko siya. I thought he wouldn't come. "Kaya ko ito, diba?"
He smiled. "You worked hard for this, Tamara. There's nothing to be nervous about. Kaya mo yan."
"Kaya ko ito. Fighting, Tamara!" I said in a loud voice that made him smirk.
Ten minutes have passed but I haven't got a single point yet. Unti-unti na akong nawawalan ng pag-asa. Kahit anong gawin ko ay hindi ako makapuntos kay Duke. Sa pagbalik pa lang ng bola ay nahihirapan na ako dahil masyadong malakas at mabilis ang mga tira niya. He's ruthless! Sineseryoso talaga niya ang laban namin.
"Talunin mo ang mokong na yan, Tamara! Kaya mo yan!" sigaw ni Aya mula sa bench.
"Go, Tamara!" sigaw ni Cherry.
"Ouch!" Nadapa ako sa pagsubok na mahabol sa bola. I winced as I stood up. My knee bled. Naramdaman ko ang hapdi pero tiniis ko.
"Just give up, Tamara."
"Never, captain! Kaya ko ito!"
Ngumisi siya. Kinabahan ako but when I looked at Shin, and he smiled reassuringly at me, I suddenly felt like I could do anything. Remember that you have to win for Shin, Tamara. With that thought, I became more determined to win.
Inalala ko ang mga itinuro sa akin ni Shin partikular na ang mga kahinaan ni Duke. Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari pero nagawa ko. I won! Kung hindi pa ako sinugod ng yakap ng mga kaibigan ko ay hindi pa ako matatauhan.
"You did it, Tamara!"
"I did it?"
They laughed. "You won!"
Tumili ako at nagtatalon pero kaagad din akong napahinto at napangiwi dahil sumigid ang kirot sa sugat ko at mga paltos sa paa.
"Okay ka lang ba? We should clean your wound."
"Keri lang ito!" Tumingin ako sa gawi ni Shin. He was there, smiling at me. My mouth curved into a big smile, and walked towards him. "I did it, Shin."
He nodded with a smile. "You did. Congratulations." Bumaba ang tingin niya sa tuhod ko. "I'll take you home."
I nodded. Paika akong sumunod sa kanya. Huminto siya at tumingin sa akin. Napasinghap ako ng bigla niya akong buhatin. I was supposed to tell him that I could manage but then I thought I missed having him this close. So I wrapped my arms around his neck instead, and held onto him.
I missed this..
Shin took me home and cleaned my wound. I was surprised when he reached for my feet and checked them. He sighed as he saw my blisters. Wordlessly, he put something on them. He was so gentle while doing so.
My Shin is gonna be a great doctor someday. The pain of letting him go to fly high is gonna be worth it.
That moment, everything became clear to me. As he looked up at me, I smiled at him despite the sadness that was starting to fill me up. "Naiintindihan ko na."
"Ang alin?"
"Naiintindihan ko na kung bakit kailangan kitang pakawalan. Naiintinidhan ko na kung bakit hindi ako pwedeng makihati sa oras mo." Inabot ko ang dalawa niyang mga kamay. "These hands will heal many people someday. Naniniwala ako doon. You're gonna be the best doctor anyone would ever know."
I took a deep breath and knelt in front of him. "Pwedeng payakap? paisa lang pwede? Nanalo naman ako eh," I asked with a chuckle.
Napangiti siya at tumango. I wrapped my arms around his body and hugged him tightly. Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang pagyakap din niya sa akin. Napangiti ako ng mapait.
"Mami-miss kita." Hinigpitan ko ang yakap sa kanya ng maramdaman ko na natigilan siya at akmang hihiwalay. "I'm gonna miss you so bad. Mahal na mahal pa rin kita. And I think I won't ever be able to move on from you. Pero hindi naman pwedeng hindi ko subukan diba? Magiging unfair naman ako sa sarili ko."
I had to swallow hard as my eyes started to water. "Iiwasan muna kita baka kasi kulitin lang kita na balikan ako," I said trying to joke. "Pwede iwasan mo rin ako? Alam mo naman na marupok ako pagdating sa'yo, diba? Baka hindi ko mapanindigan yung sinabi ko kaya please.. iwasan mo din ako. Help me to move on from you."
Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng yakap niya sa akin. I savored it because I knew it would never happen again. The thought of this hug being our last hurt me. I had to hold back my tears. As he let me go, I realized the real meaning of emptiness.
He held my cheeks and planted a gentle kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes. "Take care," he muttered.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I opened my eyes and he wasn't there anymore.