I hope you understand that you need your own love more than they do.
- Dhiman
The boat moves with an eerie softness.
Not one sound is made from the boat as it brings me closer and closer towards the island.
It was such a creepy cave. Shudders ripple through my body, making the hairs in my back stand on end. My adrenaline is high and I'm twitching in my seat, my legs twittering.
My mind was still on the vision I'd seen.
I was still pale with Tom's revelation.
"I killed you."
The words were echoing in my mind, drumming against my skull with an intensity that made my head hurt.
"I killed you."
My hands clench tighter and tighter until my nails cut through the half-moons created.
The blood spills onto my palms and then I reach up to touch my chin only to flinch in pain.
There was a cut there too.
"I killed you."
His voice had been pained. Like he actually cared whether or not something bad happened to me.
The way he looked at me now made sense. It was like he'd been memorizing every one of my features.
He never used to touch me. But he held me like I was the most important person in the world to him.
"Stay here. Don't leave. Don't leave me."
For the first time in my life, I'd heard true panic in his voice.
He'd hugged me.
Tom had hugged me. Instead of the other way around.
His grip on my arms had been so tight, it left bruises that were beginning to start to form.
Like he'd never wanted to let me go.
I don't think I wanted him to let me go either.
"You wouldn't destroy my soul.... would you?"
I was shaking so hard, I think I'd gone into shock. I look up at the island that was getting closer and closer with every second that passed.
Could I destroy his soul?
It wasn't real.... was it?
"And now .... you're everything that's on my mind... your stupid laugh, your disgusting eyes, your filthy smile."
I place my hands over my ears trying to drown out his words, the sound of his voice. I was trying to forget the way he made me feel.
"I hate that I can't stop thinking of you."
I let out a scream of frustration. "STOP IT!" I slam my hand on the bench. "STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!"
I'd arrived on the turf of the island and I scurry to jump to shore, trying to desperately get out of here.
"I think.... I'd think of you even more if you were dead."
I walk up towards the green glow and I see the locket. It was in a little basin filled with liquid. I look behind me to see that the boat had gone back to being invisible. I move to grab the Horcrux, but my hand just goes right through it.
The glowing gets brighter and the thing starts to screech.
"I think I'd never stop thinking about you."
My hands tighten into fists and I lean down to smell the potion which I already deep down knew was odourless but hoped it smelt horrible.
It was odourless as expected.
I wanted to cry.
"Damn you Riddle." I swear again, running a hand through my hair and trying not to have a panic attack. I needed to ground myself so I pull my hair even more.
"I killed you."
I grab a seashell and pick it up gingerly, my hands shaking so much that the shell rattled in my grip.
"The Drink of Despair." I whisper and then I stare at it with a haunted look on my face.
Did I really have to drink this?
Did I really have to suffer even more than I already have?
"Maybe you love me?"
"Okay that's a bit too far"
"Is it?"
"I guess not."
Yeah I did. I had to do this.
I step up, forcing my hands to stop shaking and then I dip the shell into the potion, place it to my lips and I drink.
Pain.
Excruciating pain.
I couldn't move. I stifle my screams, my insides on fire.
I fall to the floor and the pain has Abaddon shooting forward. My eyes go black.
I start convulsing but that's not when I start screaming.
I scream when I see my sister being murdered in front of me, her red hair coated with the red blood of her cracked skull of the hard floor.
I scream when I see my parents lifeless on the floor.
I scream when Greta dies and she collapses beside me, her eyes wide open and empty.
I scream when Raine dies again and again and again.
"Maybe you love me?"
The thoughts cloud my head and then I see him.
I see my orphanage counsellor beating me to a pulp before proceeding to whip me until I'm half dead.
The cries of my childhood mix with the screams of my present. They become of symphony of sorrowful tears and wrenching heartbreak.
"Okay that's a bit too far."
I grip the shell tightly, blinded by my tears and the dehydration I was feeling.
I was shaking so badly it took two times for me to scoop up more of the poison and shove it down my throat.
I start convulsing again.
The agony was a roar in my mind. Like a lion preying on me furiously and getting too close to comfort.
"Is it?"
"Valentine HELP ME!!!!" The figures start to talk to me.
"HELP ME!!" Lilly screams reaching for me, nails grating against my hands as she cries for me to save her and her kids.
"MOMMY HELP!!" Ariana screeches running towards me. Only to be stabbed in the back by Albus who grins at me manically. Her screams have me crying even more.
"SAVE US!" Alice and Frank Longbottom yell as Bellatrix corners them and then casts the curse that ends their days. The cries of Neville, a little baby, deafen me and I'm left staring up at at the ceiling in traumatized fear.
"HELP ME VAL!" Cedric's voice suddenly cuts through the countless other screams and I watch in muted horror as Voldemort and his disciple proceeds to kill him.
"AUNT VAL!!! Why did you leave us?!!!" Harry screams and then I see Ettie's body motionless on the floor as Harry cries over his twin sister. He lost the last family he ever had.
"I guess not."
I scoop up the remains of the poison and chug them with a pained whimper.
"I guess not."
The voices stop and the pain crumbles me to the floor. My face was wet and salty, my legs were weak and I was so thirsty, my tongue felt like sandpaper.
"You wouldn't destroy my soul.... would you?"
I pick up the locket, feeling faint and sweaty. My palms were covered with half moons drenched in blood.
"I can't care for anyone. It's physically impossible."
I sob silently, sniffling into my sleeve, eyes watering.
I turn the locket over and over again in my grip.
The locket's screeches were deafening. It sensed the danger and all defence mechanisms were up and running.
"DON'T LEAVE. STAY HERE. DON'T LEAVE ME."
The sob that escapes this time was loud and heartbreaking.
I think I was broken.
I think the world finally broke me.
I broke.
I'm broken.
"You wouldn't destroy my soul.... would you?"
I sniffle and then pocket the locket, eyes hard and tightening over the chain.
"I wouldn't destroy your soul." I answer him quietly.
"I'd just destroy mine."
I killed you.
- Tom Marvolo Riddle