Luin
My first years in the human realm mostly involved a lot of camping.
I had no money, no identification. I knew enough of how human society worked to know that if the authorities realized I was on my own, they would do everything in their power to "help" me. I did not want or need their help. I knew how to thrive in nature, and I kept myself entertained with books and with my own imagination. When the light was good and I was feeling up to it, I'd whittle, warmed by the heat of my little bonfire, as I daydreamed.
My favorite thing to do was wonder about my soul mate – my whole reason for living this life I'd chosen. Did he know yet that I was Seelie? Did he care? Had he already come to this realm to be with me? We wouldn't be able to find or identify each other until our bond formed, but if things worked the same for Unseelie fae as they did for Seelie ones, then he might be here somewhere. Maybe he was sitting by a little fire just like mine, wondering about me, too.
I didn't like to think of the alternative – that he would not choose to leave his people and be with me. I had already let myself meander down that road too many times and had spent dozens of nights heartbroken over the possibility.
That's the thing about having so much time alone – it didn't matter how good I was at distracting myself or keeping my mind from straying. Eventually, my thoughts would get away from me and there was no one to pull me back out of that well of darkness other than myself.
I kept track of the days as they passed, and the seasons felt like they both flew by and dragged on as I anxiously and eagerly waited for the day my magic would come in.
It took almost two years, but one morning I was hunting rabbits and when I locked eyes with one as it hid in the brush, it froze. At first, I assumed this was the same kind of panic-freeze prey animals did instinctively when they sensed danger, and I tried to wait the rabbit out. I locked my body into stillness and waited for him to grow comfortable enough with my presence that he'd go about his business.
I never liked to shoot down my food when it could see the arrow coming.
But the rabbit just kept staring at me, and after too long I realized it wasn't even blinking. Cautiously, I crept forward until I was only inches away and still the rabbit didn't move. I backed up a couple of steps and held out my arms. "Come," I said, feeling foolish.
But the rabbit didn't hesitate. It hopped right into my arms, its gaze never leaving mine. I held it and stroked its soft ears with one hand while the other crept to its throat – ready to snap its neck – but I couldn't do it. Not like this. Not with the rabbit so docile and trusting in my arms.
I knew that trust was an illusion; that as soon as I released the rabbit from this trance, it would flee. But I simply couldn't bear to hurt it in this state.
I let the rabbit go free and went to a nearby pond to hunt ducks, instead.
As far as first experiences with magic go, mine was unnerving. Still, I was hungry to try out my newfound power again. I packed up my worn bag with anything I wasn't willing to risk leaving unattended in my cave and walked to the nearest town, which was a several-day trek. I knew I looked dirty and that my clothes didn't fit me quite right; every so often, I had made my way to civilization and found a way to earn a little money so I could update my meager wardrobe and, if I had any funds left over, maybe indulge in a meal not hunted or gathered by my own hands.
Now, I went to town to practice. I slipped into a recreation center and stole a shower, but there was nothing to be done about my clothing until I got my hands on some money. It did occur to me that I could simply compel someone to give me a few bills, but that was a line I didn't want to cross.
Besides, I didn't have a good enough grasp of my magic for that yet. I had worked it once ever, on a rabbit of all things. Humans were probably much more difficult.
I talked a local restaurant owner into letting me bus tables and wash dishes for a few hours in exchange for twenty bucks. At the end of my shift, the woman had pressed several extra twenties into my hands with sad eyes. She also gave me a bag with hot soup and rolls in it. I accepted it all gratefully.
Then I took to the streets to practice my magic.
That started a new period in my life. I found that once I got the hang of my compulsion abilities, staying around humans wasn't so risky, after all. Whenever a police officer started questioning where I lived or where my parents were – which they hardly ever did now that I was older – I could simply compel them into leaving me alone.
Even better, my soul bond started developing.
At first, it was just a vague awareness in the back of my mind. The sensation was hard to grasp, kind of like seeing something out of the corner of your eye but finding nothing when you turned your head to look at it straight-on. The bond strengthened quickly, though, and within days it felt real enough and as much a part of me that I almost could have forgotten that I hadn't been born with this awareness.
I remember so clearly how I thought to myself, This is it. Any day, he could come.
Because my soul mate wasn't in this realm, not yet. I could feel how the bond strained through the realms, all the way back to Alterra where I could only hope he was preparing to make his way to me. I was trapped here with no way to reach out to him. The bond gave me a vague sense of where he was and occasionally, I could feel a burst of strong emotion through it – anger, joy, fear, et cetera. Fear and anger were the most common, and that worried me, but as time passed I was glad just to feel anything from him.
I became desperate to feel any kind of connection to him at all.
--
One day when the bond was still fresh and I was still coming into my magic, I saw something completely unexpected: on the other side of the park where I was eating my lunch, I caught sight of a woman who had a shimmer to her skin. I squinted at her and saw that her hair caught the light a little too much to be quite human.
She was fae. She had to be.
I snatched my satchel off the grass next to me and sprinted for her. She noticed me almost immediately, of course, and her eyes widened in panic for a few seconds, but she only took a couple of steps back before she seemed to reconsider. She studied me as I crossed the remaining distance between us until I ground to a stop in front of her, chest heaving and eyes watering with the idea that maybe, for just a second, I wouldn't feel quite so alien and alone.
"Hi," I gasped between breaths.
"Hello," she answered, and it sounded like a question.
"Sorry, I just... I just wanted to meet you." I stared up at her pleadingly. I wasn't even sure what I was pleading for, but it didn't take long for her lips to curve in a small, sad smile.
"Would you like to come over for some coffee? We can talk," she offered kindly.
I had never actually had coffee before, but no way was I going to pass up on an offer like this. I was going to have coffee with one of my kind. I didn't know if she had offered because I was still an unthreatening sixteen years old or if I really just looked that pathetic and desperate. It didn't matter to me either way. "Yes, please!"
"I'm Amelie, by the way," the woman said as she started leading me out of the park.
"I'm Luin. It's really good to meet you," I said, and it was such an under-exaggeration that I almost laughed. I fell into stride beside her and tried not to act as over-eager as I was.
"I think my roommates will be home," Amelie said. "I live with two other Seelie fae." She glanced down at me and added with a small, self-depreciating smile, "It helps with the loneliness and the waiting."
"So none of you...?" I hesitated over the question I knew could hurt her.
Amelie understood anyway. "No, none of us have met our soul mates." Gosh, that was sad. Amelie seemed to notice how much her words upset me and said, "You're what, fifteen? Has your bond developed yet?"
"Sixteen," I corrected. "And yeah, it has."
"You're so young, Luin. She might come for you."
The words were meant to comfort – I could see that Amelie was really trying to make me feel better – but her tone made it clear she didn't really believe what she was saying. I studied her, but Amelie turned to walk up the sidewalk toward a townhouse. She unlocked the door and held it open for me, and I walked in to find a nicely-decorated living room where a fae woman was sitting on the couch, reading. Her red hair looked like actual flame, it was so bright. Another woman poked her head in from the kitchen and while her hair was a more ordinary brown color, her irises looked like molten copper.
It was so good, after two years of solitude and humanity, to see fae features. Pointed ears peeked out from their hair – not so pointed they couldn't go out in public, but enough that they might catch second glances. I knew mine had.
"Who's the kid?" the woman on the couch asked.
Amelie said, "This is Luin. We met at the park."
Her roommates came to stand with us and I dipped a small, awkward bow. "Nice to meet you all."
"Well, aren't you polite? I'm Carmine and this is Nuala," the brunette said. "Welcome to our home."
--
I stayed with Amelie, Nuala, and Carmine for almost a year. It was a three-bedroom townhouse, and the same day I met them, Nuala moved into Carmine's room so I could have my own. I felt really bad putting them out, but they insisted that they wanted to.
I loved my time in that house. My new friends helped me develop my magic as it came in, which was massively helpful, but I was most grateful for their simple companionship. I was especially grateful not to be left alone as day after day passed with no sign of my soul mate. Each morning, I woke up wondering if this could be the day he came. Each night, I went to sleep in a much darker mood, despairing over the feeling that he never would.
That's maybe the one thing my roommates weren't so helpful with. Seeing them all so much older and still alone... seeing how hopeless they were when the topic came up... Well, that same doubt was setting into my heart like an infection, and I didn't know the remedy.
In the end, it turned out the doubt was going to be my only companion for years to come.
It started out like a normal evening. Amelie was in the kitchen working on a soup while Nuala watched TV and Carmine wound yarn around my hands. Completely normal... until the wards on the walls flashed bright blue in warning. Amelie had taught me about their wards in case I was ever alone when they went off. Blue meant someone was using magic on our home.
Carmine yanked the yarn off my hands and threw it away. "Go bags! Now!"
Rule number one of living with them: have a go bag packed and ready at all times. Anything not in the go bag was to be left behind in an emergency. It wasn't so hard for me – I kept almost everything I owned in the same bag I'd brought from my parents' house already. Years spent living a nomadic life had embedded a habit in me of traveling light and never fully settling in.
I sprinted up the stairs with the others and ran for my bag, which was sitting unzipped on my desk. A couple of shirts were laying on the floor and a book was on my nightstand, and I did break the rules to grab them and jam them in before zipping up. I was still back out in the hall less than half a minute later. The door across the hall opened at the same time, and I stared into Amelie's eyes in mutual horror as the front door burst open with a bang.
From the last door down the hall – closest to the stairs – Nuala peeked over the stairs and visibly jumped back. "Unseelie," she hissed.
Why did they sound so panicked? What exactly were Unseelie doing here? Logically, I knew the intruder wouldn't be anyone here's soul mate. Any of us would have felt the bond straining less as the distance shortened and anyway, why would someone's soul mate assault our home with magic and bust in the door? Yet it was the only explanation I could think of, since I had no idea what else would make Unseelie care about a few exiled Seelie.
Nuala started glowing bright yellow and hands grabbed my shoulders and spun me away from the sight. The wards still flared blue on the walls, and they cast a strange light on Amelie's face. "The wards are still up, so teleporting's out. There's a fire escape through my window. Run, and don't come back."
I shook my head at her and Amelie shook my shoulders firmly. "That's an order, boy. Let us handle this. Run and don't look for us. We'll find you if it's safe."
"Go!" Carmine yelled from her room.
And, so help me, I ran. A couple weeks later, I received a letter from Nuala that said they'd all gotten away safely but that we were too conspicuous living together, so it was better to stay split up. She reminded me of the safety lessons I'd been taught – always use wards, don't stand and fight unless you know you can win, always have a go bag – and wished me well. Then I was on my own again.
And I still had no idea why an Unseelie broke into our home.