Sunday morning rolled around. I was looking forward to it as mom had the morning off. I woke up early to make breakfast. I started the coffee knowing she would like it and most likely need it. The clock said 8:30, and knowing my mom she'd be awake before 9. She might have had her faults but she never slept past 9. As if on cue she came stumbling out of her room, a pair of boxer shorts and an over sized Tshirt hung on her thin body.
"Good morning baby." She had her hair wrapped up in a scarf, she leaned in to kiss my cheek. "Ugh I feel like I haven't seen you in days." She wrapped her arms around me. She smelled like she could use a shower. I wrinkled my nose.
"It's been days mom, where were you lastnight?" I put one arm around her to return her hug and flipped the French toast with the other.
"It's a secret." She winked and my stomach dropped.
"A man?" I sighed.
"Maybe, but don't worry he's different. He owns a garage in town, he's got a job." She frowned. "But I promise, I won't let it consume me. He came into the restaurant and asked me to go dancing. I was home by 2. Alone!" She raised her eyebrows expecting praise. "And I saw so were you, even though you musta been having an awful dream." She Picked up a mug for her coffee. She looked at me waiting for me to answer.
"Okay mom." I rolled my eyes. "I stayed home lastnight. And I can't even remember the dream". I tried to recall it, but instead flashes of red and black crossed my mind. I shook my head to rid myself of the image.
"I asked Sarah what was going on, she worked a short float shift. She told me about a party. Why didn't you go? Also she thinks you hate her." Mom sipped her coffee.
"Oh well she doesn't like me." I stated. "What are you guys friends or something?" I snapped a little too aggressively.
"We're coworkers and I like her. She's funny, she'd make a good friend." Mom leaned on the counter watching me finish up the French toast. "She even gave me some gossip. That you and Maverick might be a thing? She told me he's kind of a jerk though and I should warn you. She said you wouldn't believe her." Mom looked at me her deep blue eyes searched my face. I scowled back. "Alright then." She threw her hands up in defeat. "I won't mention it again."
"You have plans today?" I asked her. "The restaurant is only open for dinner so do you work?"
"Yah it's my last training shift babe." She frowned. "I'm making good money though, we can go shopping next weekend!" She didn't know me at all. I did all my shopping online.
"Sounds good mom." I finished my toast and put my plate in the sink. I'd do the dishes later.
"Wait what are you doing today? Sarah said her and her girlfriends were going to hang out did you get invited?" She asked smiling. Her smile faded when she saw my face fall.
"No mom, I don't even have their numbers. They're not really my friends, just people I've hung out with once. I don't have any plans I might call grandma and grandpa later, and go for a walk." I smiled at her. "You know I like to be alone."
"Liv, I'm sorry." She looked down. I turned and walked away. I wasn't sure what she was sorry about. My lack of friends or my pathetic life. I wasn't like her, I didn't need people around to make me feel good. I learned goodbyes are harder than being alone.
I straightened up my room and threw some dirty clothes in the hamper. I grabbed my phone off my dresser and opened my contacts, while scrolling through I passed Mavericks name I noticed he put a black heart behind his name, I rolled my eyes. I landed on Mimi's cell. I pressed the call button. She answered on the second ring. "Baby girl, how are you! Your papa is having coffee with the boys. I was getting bored so glad you called." Her accent was heavy. I pictured her sitting at the dining room table her brown hair speckled with grey a full face of makeup on (because you never know when someone could stop by).
"Hi Mimi, I miss you. And papa." I added hoping she'd tell him. "Just relaxing this morning, probably going to go for a walk later."
"Good keep that figure." She laughed. "How's your momma?" I heard the speculation behind her question.
"She's working at a restaurant in town, with a girl I don't particularly like, but mom likes her. She said she met someone." I left out the empty bottle of alcohol by her bedside, and the fact that I slightly understood how it felt to let the substance take over.
I could hear her eye roll over the phone. "She's friends with a girl your age? And who's she seeing, she never tells me."
"Yah she makes friends easier than me." I laughed. "I haven't met him, so that's good."
"No you're just smarter than her." She sighed. I debated telling her about Maverick. But I decided against it instead I made small talk. After 2o minutes I told her I missed her and to tell papa I missed him. She reassured me she would and we said goodbye.
After changing into a pair of overalls over a tank top I decided to go out for a walk. I'd ask mom if she wanted to join me. Maybe the air outside would help clear my head. She was doing a load of laundry. I watched her arms shove in too much clothes in the load, I made a mental note that I would have to redo the load after she left.
"You look cute." She looked up from the washing machine. "Where are you going?" She asked me.
"For a walk." I debated on asking her to join me. My frustration of knowing I'd have to fix yet another one of her mistakes made me pause. The thought of her going with me made me frown I decided against asking her.
"Okay well, be safe!" She smiled at me and went back to laundry. I stood in the door watching her try, but fail. I wonder if she looked at me this way ever. Did she look at me secluding myself and think I was failing?
I grabbed my purse and headed out the door. I took the stairs as someone was in the elevator. I pushed open the glass door and let the sun warm my skin. I was going force myself to enjoy the day. After a couple blocks I passed a church. The lot was empty, must have been an early mass. I didn't know where I was headed but I kept walking the sun felt good on my shoulders. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Mom flashed across the scene. I hit the green button.
"Yes?" I sighed into the phone, feeling more relaxed after walking.
"He's here." She whispered into the phone.
"What?" I kept walking past a couple of small shops.
"Maverick." She whispered. "He's sitting in the living room I'm in the bathroom. Do you want me to send him home?"
"I'm like 15 blocks away from home. I guess I can turn back if he wants to wait." I shrugged. I pictured my mom, her hair tied up in a scarf hiding in the bathroom from a teenage boy.
"He really must like you." My mom giggled.
"That's not good mom." I huffed. "I don't want anyone to like me."
"Babe, be nice. Hurry up." She hung up on me. I stared at my phone screen. What could he want. I was upset that my mom seemed so happy. She had no idea how much it hurt people to just abandon them. I thought about how I used to feel alone in apartments scared while she worked. I was never ungrateful that she provided for me, and I never went hungry, but to have some time with her maybe would have been better. I asked her once why she didn't put me up for adoption, and she told me she couldn't throw away a part of her. I felt like she tried. I knew she did. So couldn't blame her for everything in my life. Of course not. But I could rest some of the blame on her for being so reclusive.