"Supergirl, eh? Wasn't expecting that," Harley said. "She's quite the looker."
Cat turned to Lena.
"I've always thought she was suspiciously cheerful. I'm sorry she broke your heart. Kitty knows it's difficult. 'Never trust a cape' is my new motto."
Lena noticed that Ivy was suspiciously silent. The plant-based siren looked at Harley and averted her gaze once more.
"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Crane asked.
Lena's head dropped, her shoulders slumped, and she stared down at her hands, milky white and shaking.
"I loved her more than life. I would have gladly given up breathing to see her smile." Lena stopped for a moment and her mind wandered back to that first day they met in her office. "I knew I loved her the day we met, but it took a long time for me to understand that my love transformed from simple friendship to something so much more intense. It all started out beautiful. When I moved to National City, I was terrified. My family doesn't exactly have a sterling reputation. I was sure that the people would force me out of the city like a pariah, but I found a friend, a soulmate."
Lena smiled sadly. A tear fell down her cheek. She hadn't even noticed until Cat handed her a tissue. Lena appreciated that she retracted her claws.
"She was so soft, so warm. She didn't know how amazing she was. I still remember that smile, that perfect smile was for me and me alone. The sound of her voice soothed me in a way I never imagined possible. Every part of me wanted to put up a wall, but she wouldn't allow it. She knocked down all my protections with her love. She enveloped me with her affection."
"It sounds like you two had a very special connection," Harley said, without a hint of humor or whimsy. She just nodded and gave her a sad smile.
"We did. Ours was a beautiful friendship. She saw the good in me. No matter how terrified I was that I was like my family, she stood by me, wrapped an arm around me, and refused to let me slip away."
"What happened? What brought on the change?" Crane asked.
"We were as close as two friends could be. In retrospect, I may have been more attached than she was. She is a superhero. When we were together, we only had eyes for each other. No one made me smile the way she did. She made my face hurt. I loved her with every breath, every step. My day started, and she was the first vision in my mind. Everything was great until it all fell apart around us. She welcomed me into her world, and I built my entire life around her. I had a business to run, new inventions to discover, and my crazy family to contend with, but my every thought was of her."
Lena looked around the room and noticed that everyone was leaning forward, their eyes focused on her.
"I'm sorry I'm monopolizing the time," she said, feeling exposed.
"You aren't monopolizing anything, Lena. Go ahead. Please continue," Ivy said with a genuine smile.
"We were happy. I was happy. Sure, we were only friends, but seeing her always improved my day. We looked for any excuse to get together and have lunch or grab coffee. She was everything to me and then one day, everything imploded, and I lost my mind."
"What happened?" Harley asked.
"I found out she had been keeping a secret from me. Not just a secret, but the biggest secret of her life. The worst part was that everyone in her life knew except for me."
"Jeez, that's rough kid. You were her best friend," Harley said, wrapping her hair around her finger and blowing another bubble with her gum.
"As you can probably imagine, it upset me. At first, it crushed me. I couldn't believe I was the last person to know. I didn't even find out from her. My scumbag brother told me. It devastated me. The problem I have when I get sad is that I don't like feeling like a victim, so I get angry. I had never been angry with her before. We had our squabbles here and there, but she was my heart. I couldn't be angry at her, or so I thought. Every hour that ticked by fueled my rage and indignation. Every time I saw her, and she didn't say a word, I felt the fury boiling over. Finally, I snapped. I don't mean a little. I mean a full-on One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Arkham Asylum crazy. All I wanted to do was hurt her for betraying me. I felt like I never knew her. How could I if I never knew her secret?"
"You couldn't. She was purrrfectly awful to you. I would have clawed her eyes out," Cat said with a hiss.
"Oh, I did so much worse than that. Every part of me wanted to hurt her for hurting me. At first, I didn't understand why I was so upset. It was a secret. She was my friend. It didn't seem like it should be that devastating, but it was. It was heartbreaking and when I get my heart broken, I lash out."
"All of us do dear," Ivy said, her vines curling around Lena's chair protectively.
"I did everything I could to hurt her. I used kryptonite against her, I betrayed her, I even worked with my brother. It brought me no peace."
"Why do you think that is, Lena?" Crane asked.
"Because I knew that the reason I lashed out and went crazy was because I was madly in love with her. I knew she had stolen my heart, and I just wasn't willing to face it. I looked at my brother and I knew I couldn't become him, or she would never love me. I knew I had to find a way back to her. She apologized to me many times, but I just couldn't hear it. I didn't want to hear it because I was so hurt. The last time she came to me, instead of an apology, she told me she was done. She told me if I continued working with my brother that she would treat me just like any other villain. Her words made me bleed. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. Supergirl doesn't give up. She always keeps fighting for what is right. The problem was, I wasn't right."
Cat leaned in closer.
"What did you do?"
Lena unfolded her arms and relaxed a little.
"I went to her apartment, and I told her how sorry I was. I told her that my brother was up to trouble and I wanted to help her put an end to it all."
"Did she believe you?" Crane asked.
"She did. No matter how angry and hurt she was, she knew I was genuine. She could always read me like a book. It was her real superpower."
"Did you stop your brother," Harley asked, inching closer to Lena.
"For the moment, but we knew he would be back. It was hard. When we were working together, it felt like old times, but it also didn't. I saved her life twice and helped her protect her secret from the bastard she is dating now. Go figure! I did everything I could to show her how sorry I was. When she told me her side of it all, I understood how wrong I had been. She didn't keep the secret from me because she didn't love me. She kept it from me because she loved me. She wanted to protect me, and I mattered more than anyone else to her. I was so wrong. I've never been more wrong."
"Well, golly Lena, you're human. We all get it wrong, but your only crime was loving her too much. Trust me, I know how that feels."
Lena looked over at Harley and smiled. She didn't know why, but speaking to the group was oddly comforting. Sure, they were all costumed lunatics, but they were all listening attentively and supporting her. She hadn't felt that kind of support in a long time. Not since Kara had abandoned her.
"Thanks, Harley. I appreciate that. I appreciate all of you letting me get this out."
Crane gave Lena a kind smile.
"That's why we're all here. We all need to heal."
"We?" Lena asked. "So, you're not just a doctor studying us?"
"Nope. I'm one of you," Crane said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
"It's your turn to share then," Lena said.
"No. Not tonight. Lena, if you feel comfortable, why don't you continue?"
"Okay. So, I saved her twice, protected her secret, and after we shut down my brother for the time being, we agreed to work together to take him down for good. We knew it would be a long road to recovery, but my heart was filled with hope again. It was a feeling I hadn't experienced in an awfully long time."
"So, how did you get here, kitten?" Cat asked.
Lena's head dropped once more. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes.
One of Ivy's vines wrapped itself around Lena's shoulders, and Harley dragged her chair closer to Lena's.
"I'm sorry. This is just new to me. It just hurts so bad," Lena said, choking back her tears. "I usually repress my feelings. Saying all of this out loud makes me feel so vulnerable."
"Take your time, honey. It's rough." Harley said with an encouraging nod.
"We got together and started looking for Lex, just as we had agreed to. I expected that the first couple of times would be awkward, but I did everything I could to inject happiness and positivity back into our friendship. I wasn't brave enough to tell her how I really felt, but I wanted her to know I was fully invested. The only problem was that she wasn't."
Crane dropped his notebook and pen by his side and gave Lena his full attention.
"How so?" Crane asked.
"She was cold and distant. We didn't hug or even touch. I greeted her with warmth and love, she greeted me with cool disdain. I was so confused. I knew she was angry, and she had every right to be. I wasn't discounting that. The problem was, she didn't feel like my Kara anymore. She was a completely different person. There was no love, no warmth, no loyalty. The first meeting we had, she seemed eager to get away. I chalked it up to nerves and her busy schedule saving National City."
"Makes sense," Cat said, scratching behind her ear.
"We had three subsequent meetings, and they were all the same. No warmth, no love, no care. And I was the one who had to set up the meetings to begin with. She apologized for being so far away, but her apologies weren't sincere. Finally, she snapped at me one day and I knew. I knew there was something wrong. I had stood by her, supported her, shown her every bit of love I could, but she was just cold and bitter."
"I wonder what changed," Ivy said, entranced by the story.
"I confronted her. I asked her why she was being so cold. I asked her why she snapped at me so aggressively. She didn't even seem like herself. At first, she just apologized and said she was feeling a bit down. I didn't buy it. Everything came to a head when she missed a meeting and didn't call. I had to hear from her sister she was in Metropolis. I was beside myself. I felt like I mattered even less than when we were fighting. I was so angry I couldn't stop crying."
"That's not right. She left without telling you?" Cat asked with a hiss.
"Yes. She left, said nothing, and ditched me. When I confronted her, she said she was feeling 'numb'. It confused me. When I asked her to elaborate, she said that she felt nothing. She didn't know why. She just couldn't feel. I asked her if she had been exposed to some poison, some new form of kryptonite."
"Was that it? I bet that was it," Harley said with her characteristic optimism.
Lena leaned forward and rested her face in her hands. She moved her hands away but continued to stare down at the ground.
"Nope. No poison, no kryptonite. No outside influence of any kind. She said she was feeling numb, but she was primarily finding it difficult to feel anything for me. She said that when it came to me, she felt nothing at all. She gutted me. I didn't know how to respond. The pain and indignation bubbled up inside of me. It wasn't fair. I know life isn't fair, but how could she feel nothing when I felt so much? Her eyes were so dead. I was speechless. I could feel my heart breaking apart in my chest, all my breath escaped me. She said that she had let go of her anger, but she still remembered the way I turned on her. She remembered how I had changed. What could I say to that? I knew I was wrong. I knew that I had screwed up, but the pain inside of me turned to rage. Nothing? She really felt nothing. After everything we had been through, she was a cold block of superhero frozen in time."
Lena sobbed quietly, trying to regain her composure. Cat handed Lena more tissue and Harley placed a hand on her shoulder. Ivy's vines curled closer to Lena and caressed her back.
Lena blew her nose and tried to pull herself together.
"Do you need to take a moment, Lena? We can grab you some water or some coffee," Crane said.
"Kitty can go to the nearest liquor store and get you that scotch you wanted," Cat said with a sad smile and a little purr.
Lena sat back in her chair, still dabbing at her eyes. Her signature red lip was just a smear, and her mascara was blotchy.
"No, I'm almost through it. I can do it,"
"You sure can, kid. We've got your back. You can do it." Harley said grabbing Lena tighter.
"I'm not proud of what I did next. I think her telling me she felt nothing broke me. It broke my mind, my heart, and my soul."
"What did you do?" Ivy asked.
"I told her that if she felt nothing for me, then there was no point in us trying to force a friendship that clearly wasn't there. She told me she was trying, but all I heard was that after everything we had been through, I didn't matter to her anymore. I wasn't a thought in her mind. She no longer wondered if I was okay. I was pointless, meaningless garbage to her, and I wanted to scream."
Lena balled up her fists and clenched so tight her nails cut into her skin. She shook with rage. Her eyes burned bloodshot red, and she clenched her jaw tight.
Suddenly Crane leapt to his feet. Lena looked up and felt bad. She didn't mean to get so angry. He walked over to the open door and shut it. He returned to his seat and gave Lena a nod.
"Then scream, Lena. I can't say we won't get some dirty looks from the Healing Through Meditation group, but if you need to scream, then just let it out."
Lena took in a deep breath and dropped her head. Suddenly, she laughed. She looked up at Crane and gave him an infectious smile.
"Thank you. I do not understand why that made me laugh, but thank you. I guess picturing myself screaming in a church basement was too absurd not to laugh. You are truly kind."
"Gosh, you can scream Lena. I think we all could use a good scream. My hyenas love a good scream session," Harley said.
"I agree. Kitty could use a good scream and a hiss. I have a lot of hostility built up."
Crane leaned forward and smiled.
"Everyone, please close your eyes and we will scream on the count of three. One... two... three!"
All five members of the group screamed at the top of their lungs. The sound carried through the hall, startling the other groups. Harley's scream was sharp and shrill, fueled by the abuse she suffered. Cat's scream sounded like an alley cat getting stepped on. Ivy's scream was low and sad. She hadn't channeled her rage. Crane's scream was deep and guttural. Lena's wail of pain hit a crescendo. At first it was soft and strained, but when she saw the other members of the group let go, she channeled every bit of hurt, pain, and worthlessness into her heartbroken war cry. It was freeing.
When the screaming ceased, they all exploded into a hysterical fit of laughter.
Lena took in a deep cleansing breath and pulled herself together. She grinned, still trying to cease her infectious laughter.
"Why did that feel so good?" She asked aloud.
"You had a lot of pent-up emotions that needed to escape. I think a little scream therapy is exactly what you needed," Crane said. "Do you want to go on, Lena?"
"As long as everyone else is okay with me continuing."
"Do it, Lena. You'll feel better once you get it all out," Harley said.
"Yes, dear Lena. This cat has no objections."
Ivy gave Lena a smile and a nod.
Lena took a deep breath and let her body relax.
"I could only see red. I thought we were working towards reconciliation, but she clarified that she didn't feel enough to reconcile. Suddenly it made sense why I felt like all our interactions were so one-sided. I had plenty of words going through my mind and none of them were nice. I knew I needed to remove myself from the situation before it was too late. I left, but I never imagined that would be the last time we would see each other."
"Did you try to speak to her after that?" Crane asked.
"I did. I waited a couple days and allowed myself to cool off. I knew that whatever Kara was feeling or not feeling was not all her fault. The things I did were unforgiveable, but I hoped that if I made one last ditch effort and laid it all on the line, that she might feel again. I went to her apartment late one evening intending to tell her everything. I was going to tell her I knew I was in love with her and that is why I had acted so recklessly. I figured I had nothing to lose telling her she owned my heart and that I would die for just one soft kiss."
"Did you tell her?" Cat asked.
"I stood outside her apartment in the pouring rain, doing my best to muster my courage. She walked out of her apartment and my heart lifted. It was perfect. The chilly night, the storm. It made for the most romantic declaration of love ever. It was perfect. And then I saw him. There she stood, drenched from head to toe, and he kissed her. He held her hand, and I knew I would never be the same. I broke. I sent her one last text. I apologized and asked her if she was okay. She never responded. That was two weeks ago. She has completely shut me out, she's dating a man I have learned to despise, and instead of bringing down hellfire upon the planet, I came here and see if I can get through the worst time of my life by talking about it instead of imploding and finally becoming the villain she accused me of being. No offense."
"None taken, doll. As I always used to tell Mr. J, it's a fine line between villainy and madness. I don't think you're either."
It shocked Lena to hear Harley form a rational thought, and her words oddly touched her. All their words touched her. When she first opened the door to room B128 and saw the oddball collection of attendees, she never fathomed that she would find them so comforting. Even the feel of Ivy's vines wrapping around her shoulders felt like a comfort and not a threat. Lena understood that it wasn't madness that united the group, it was pain.
Lena's eyes filled with tears once more. She stared down at her hands, not sure how she would go on without Kara in her life.
"Are you okay, Lena?" Crane asked. "I know that was a lot."
"I just feel so stupid and worthless. I know it will pass, but I just don't know how I can go on if I'm not standing by her side loving her."
"I get ya there," Harley said. "I felt that way for a long time. I mean shucks, look at me. Who am I if I'm not Mr. J's girl? One day I woke up, and I realized that there was plenty to me and that the only way to feel right again was to throw the J away. I needed to get angry. I needed to scream. I needed to toss away the shackles of his abuse and find love again. I knew I deserved more."
"You are so much more than that madman's girl. I wish you knew just how amazing you are. You deserve the world," Ivy said to the cheerful blonde.
Harley beamed, and their eyes locked.
Lena couldn't help but smile. She could see the love between Harley and Ivy, even if they didn't want to admit it.
"Lena, listen to me. You are not stupid or worthless, and it is okay to be angry. It sounds like the two of you had a wonderful connection and you loved her very much. Her ignoring you, abandoning you, that is unforgiveable. I'm not saying that she doesn't have the right to feel, but ignoring you isn't mature and definitely doesn't honor the connection the two of you shared," Crane said. "I'm sorry to sprinkle in my own feelings here, but I just have no patience for sociopaths that ignore you when you are just trying to share your feelings. I've been there. I think we all have," Crane said, gritting his teeth.
"There is a special place in hell for people who ghost. Dirty, rotten, nogoodnicks!" Harley said with a growl. "Mr. J did that to me and that was when I decided I couldn't waste anymore time worrying about his wellbeing. I didn't care one bit. I don't care what he does, what crimes he is committing, or if he lands himself in Arkham for the rest of his life. Abuse, mistreat, and ignore Harley Quinn, and you're dead to me."
Harley sat flat in her chair, stretched her legs out and exhaled sharply.
Lena smiled and rubbed Harley's shoulder.
"Damn straight, Harley. If they don't want to talk to us, if they are going to ghost us like the sociopaths, they say we are, they can go straight to hell."
"B will no longer ignore this kitty. I won't give him the satisfaction of touching my imperfect body or hearing my gentle meow anymore. He sees me as nothing, that is exactly what he is to me. The thing that really gets me is his batty ego."
"You hit the nail on the head, Cat. I swear, Mr. J was all ego. He just stood by expecting everyone around him to bow down and worship him. Yeah, I did. I worshiped the ground that clown walked on, but he never loved me. Not one bit. I made him what he is. I was the inspiration for so much he did. Did he ever thank me? Nope. He just used me, abused me, and walked away like the big, dumb, red-nosed jerk he is. I wish I had my mallet right now. That or Bernie."
The women all looked to Ivy. Lena wondered if she would pile on, but she just shook her head and avoided making eye contact with anyone.
"How about you, Ivy? Do you feel any rage you need to let out? Better here than on some poor unsuspecting victim," Crane said.
Ivy didn't look up.
"I don't have any rage. I suppose I am feeling a little guilty. I mean, love is a two-way street. I was just as responsible for not reaching out. I was afraid after the way we left everything. I guess I'm just sorry."
Lena could tell immediately that Ivy's words were for Harley and not for the group.
"You're not angry at all?" Harley asked.
"Well, hearing about their ex all the time isn't the most calming experience, but no. I only feel love."
Lena looked down and got lost in quiet contemplation.
"You okay, Lena?" Cat asked.
"Yeah. Surprisingly, I'm feeling much better. Who knew screaming, crying, and going off would be so cathartic?"
"That's why I formed this group," Crane said. "We may be a group of misfits, but we feel just as much as everyone else does. No one knows what it is like to love a superhero or supervillain the way we do. I'm glad it helped. Thank you all for sharing your stories. Especially you, Lena. I know you didn't know if you could do it."
"It was this or a dark and empty hotel room. You were right. This was better."
"Well, we are coming up on the end of our time. I'll see everyone on Thursday," Crane said, grabbing his pen and notebook.
Everyone nodded and stood up from their seats.
Cat leaned against her chair and stretched, Ivy pulled back her vines, and Harley tossed away her giant wad of gum. Lena pulled her bag over her shoulder and took a deep breath.
She didn't know what to say. She would be back in National City on Thursday, and she wasn't planning on coming back to the group. She couldn't decide if it would be more humane to tell them now or to just not show up. Then she remembered what Kara had done to her, abandoning her without a word, and she knew she had to speak up.
"Um... I wanted to thank all of your for listening and your support. I live in National City and I will probably not be coming back to Gotham for a while, so I won't be here on Thursday. I wish I could, but I think this night will have to hold me over for a while."
It shocked Lena to see the genuine look of disappointment on everyone's faces.
"Really? That's the pits. You're a great fit and it seems like you need us just as bad as we need you, kid," Harley said.
"I agree with Harley. We three are not the easiest group to penetrate, but you won us over with your tale of woe. It disappoints Kitty." Cat said with a frown.
Ivy walked over to Lena and smiled.
"Do you have a second to talk?" Ivy asked.
"Of course," Lena replied.
They made their way out to the hall and spoke in hushed whispers. The noise of the other groups letting out into the hall drowned out their conversation.
"Is everything okay, Ivy?" Lena asked.
"Please come back. I know this will not make sense, but I feel of a sense of symbiosis with you. In nature, that is a genuine connection."
"I'm disappointed too. I really enjoyed my time here, but I am worried that the trip back and forth twice a week will be too much, and I do have to work."
"Please promise me you will think about it. Cat and Harley can be a bit much, and I think you equalize us in a lovely way. Even my vines seem to like you," Ivy said as her vines made their way up Lena's back.
"I promise I will try," Lena said with a smile.
Lena and Ivy returned to room B128. They all said their farewells and Lena walked to her car. The rain stopped and all that remained was the cool, purified air. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. For the first time in weeks, Lena felt like she might sleep without drinking her sorrows away.
She started the car and pulled out of the spot. The song on the radio, the clean night air, and the release she finally felt made Lena smile with a genuine hope that one day she would break through the darkness and finally find the light.