Some says being presentable for work means wearing a nice clothes and well groomed. Others says being presentable actually means about how you bring your ideas on the table no matter how you look. You should mentally and physically be ready before doing any presentation.
Getting enough sleep and eating breakfast helps you to prepare. If you have extra time to do workout before work, it'll help you feel more pumped and confident.
Some said avoid coffee because it will only make your heart beats faster and you become more nervous then. But some also said coffee is important, it keeps you alert.
In this case, I didn't sleep at all last night. I was up all night thinking about Jun and the presentation, which turns out I have lots to do. So I spent my night doing some preps for this meeting.
Today's meeting is very important because Bang Shi-Hyuk, the director of the company, will come to review the progress. I'm nervous as hell, tired and insecure. Lack of sleep really gets me. Jun already left this morning after our breakfast to prep himself for the meeting. He scolds me for not having any sleep so he cooked a lot for me.
I believe in dressing up nice but I don't have much energy to think of an outfit. I go with all black, 'cause you can never go wrong with black. A turtle neck and pants with a beret hat. To hide the dark circle under my eyes, I apply extra makeup for today. I bring my purse and my laptop. By 9am, I left the apartment.
We took different cars even though we're going on the same direction. The boys are on their own while I go with Yunseok as usual. On our way, we made a stop to grab a coffee. I know some people said I shouldn't, but I need it. I need something to keep me alert.
I scurries to the meeting room and Yunseok helps me set up my laptop. There are staffs who sets the table, filling it with papers, pen and some water on the table. Moments later, the boys entered the room and greets me normally. As if there's nothing going on between us. Good thing everyone's being a great actor.
Everyone is here, including the director of the project, So Heechul and director of the company, Bang Shi-Hyuk. Everyone bows before sitting down. First, Heechul-nim is presenting the collaboration work between me and the boys, talking about the concept that are agreed upon. Moments later, he asked me to presentate the progress in front of them. Nervously, I stood up and gives a small bow to everyone. The boys gave their attention to me.
"Morning, let me introduce myself once again. My name is Silver, once again I'm honored to be here to join this project." I give my best smile and the boys smiled back at me, giving me energy which I need it more than I thought.
I explained the progress and showed them the paintings that recently done. I mentioned that these are the first series, persona. They all seemed impressed, even Bang PD. I tell them what's my next series and proposed them something different.
"For shadow series, I'm thinking that we should collaborate with multimedia art, such as video installation. Back in August, me and Seojun visited an exhibition in a gallery at Gangnam. We saw an installation work by Han Yuri, a video installation artist based in here, South Korea. Her work is very interesting and perhaps it can relate with our work." I explained.
I showed the video of when Jun and I both in the museum. They're all mesmerized by her work. I also add information about her biography and mentioned that I've seen her work in London.
"I could imagine her capturing the movements that I made with paints and visual it differently. Like a real shadow. So the exhibition is becoming more complex and perhaps more alive with the presence of the video installation. I was hoping to ask Younggi or others to create a music for the installation as well. I figured if this idea is approved, I'm sure she will be thrilled to heard that this company is interested in hiring her."
"I'll arrange it with Nick." Younggi adds and Nick nods affirmatively. I smile sheepishly to them.
"For ego, I plan to make a very big painting. Portraying how Ego is the tallest and important part of human's soul. So there will be only one painting in the room." I show them the size of the canvas and they widen their eyes, amazed. It is that big.
"Lastly, for the Anima, I'm planning to paint another 7 or more paintings in small sizes. Also, I'm thinking in the front area, we could create an installation based on the quotes from their song hanging on the ceiling like a lamp, or placed on the wall. It's a nice way to welcome the guest. To make them feel familiar with the boys or the songs. If the idea is approved, I will create the design." I continues.
"And you've been planning this all along?" Nick asks.
"Yes, I have thought about it well. Although, I think there are more possibilities. I honestly think if we're just putting paintings, it might be boring and fans need something more exciting and creative. So I thought of this."
They all nods, amazed that I thought all this by myself. Heechul and PD-nim are discussing by themselves. Taeyong is mouthing "great job" at me, looking like a proud boyfriend. I glance at Jake and he smiles at me before looking away. I think he was watching me before. I still miss him.
Moments later, Bang PD gave me a smile and said he approved my idea and hoping I'll come up with something great for the next meeting. Heechul informs me that they will contact Han Yuri and will get back to me if she agrees to this project. I'm over the moon. Bang PD seems to be impressed by me. I bow to him as he and Heechul leave the room. I turn to the boys and I shriek.
"You did a great job, Silver!" Nick compliments me. How I wish I could hug and kiss everyone right now.
"I have no idea that you thought about it all by yourself." Younggi adds, looking surprised.
"And so confident too!" Jamie jibes in.
I exhale, trying to cool down from the excitement.
"I wanted this to be perfect. This is a lifetime opportunity to me and I wanna make this right." I paused. "I had no idea they'd approve this. I'm so happy!" Says me, tidying up my laptop.
"I'm so proud of you.." Taeyong adds, similing genuinely at me.
"Me too!" Hosung chimes in.
"Well, don't be too proud. I still have a lot of work to do." I'm all set to go.
"Are you going somewhere?" Jun asks.
"Yeah, you guys still have another meeting, right ? I figured I should get some sleep. I haven't slept at all last night preparing all this." Their eyes widen.
"You haven't slept at all?" Younggi asks. I shake my head and he frowns.
"I'll be fine, don't worry." I reassure him but others seemed to be worry.
"You shouldn't force yourself like that, S.." Nick adds. I chuckle.
"It's kind of my fault, I should've been more aware of my schedule that I forgot this meeting. I'll be fine, really."
By then, Hosung who stands near me hugs me tight. Not caring about other people who are passing by.
"Hosung-ah!" I shriek.
"I don't care, you did great today. You go home and sleep, ok?!" Says Hosung being protective as others joined in to give a group hug. I can never get enough of this and they really don't care if other people see this. Oh, well.
"Okay.. I will, don't worry. Now off I go, bye boys!" I wave at them and gives blow kiss to everyone. Lastly, I wink at Jamie, reminding him that it's our date tonight. He chuckles as I leave the room.
I slept for about 4 hours, it's now 3.30pm. I checked my phone and see some text from Jake. Huh, that's rare.
Jake : S
Jake : Are you still sleeping?
The text were sent an hour ago. I reply to him right away.
Silver : I just woke up..
Silver : What's up, J?
Jake : I'm at home now..
Jake : Do you feel like taking a walk?
Silver : Now?
Jake : Yeah, unless you wanna go back to sleep 🙄
Silver : What about your fans? I wouldn't wanna risk anything..
Jake : We'll just walk around this complex. Don't worry.
Silver : Okay, give me 10-15 mins.
Jake : Cool, I'll come over after 15 mins.
Okay, this is weird. After about a month of silence he suddenly wants to take a walk with me? The universe does works in a mysterious way.
I wash my face and brush my teeth, apply some lip balm and get dressed. I wore the black turtle neck from this morning and throw on some skinny jeans and a white sneakers. I brush my hair and spray some body mist around my neck. Moments later Jake rang my bell.
"Hey." I greet him as I open the door. Jake's wearing all black and still looks so handsome. Well, he looks good on everything though. I need to remind myself to be cool, because just by his presence he always managed to make my heart pounds faster.
"Hey.. did you get a good sleep?" He asks.
"I did, how's your meeting?" I lock my door.
"Oh, it was okay. Business as usual."
"Right.. so where are we going?"
"Just some place near here. There's a park behind this building that sells good ice cream, you know."
"Is there a lot of people there ?"
"There are a few, but not much. I like to go there alone sometimes."
As he said, the park is right behind this building and I just found out about it. I really should explore more. There are few people around but mostly kids and their parents taking a walk. The park is not that big but it's beautiful and quiet. There are some old man sitting on a bench, reading a book. Leaves fall off it's branch, everything is brown and yellow. It's beautiful.
"It's nice in here." Says me. We're walking around the park, eating an ice cream that he bought, enjoying the atmosphere.
"I knew you'd like it."
"The ice cream is delicious too. I should go here often."
"You should, it's calming and everyone is minding their business here."
He grabs his phone then took a picture of me eating ice cream. He chuckles to see the result.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I giggled.
"What? it's cute. Look."
He shows me the picture and it was good. He just really good on everything he does. My heart flutters but I feel uneasy when Ayeong's face crossed my mind. He must've done this to her and have thousands of her pictures on his phone. I feel nauseous just to think about it.
"Jake?"
"Yeah?" he turns to me.
"Why did you bring me here?" I bluntly ask. I feel like I need him to get to the point. He sighs and looks down.
"I-I.. I'm sorry. I kept feeling like I owe you some explanation."
"About?"
"I know we never find our timing, but you should know that I never reach Ayeong in the first place. We did date but we broke up last year. After your incident with sasaengs, she really come out of nowhere to the practice. But when you left, I knew it's going to be hard to approach you. I knew you'd be upset with me."
"I was."
"Right.. that's why I didn't say anything to you. I'm scared that you'd changed your mind about me, especially after you said we should end this."
"But.. that's not fair. I was guilty for saying all those things about wanted to end things. I wanted to talk to you, but you didn't even reply my messages. So I gave you time. But when I wanted to talk to you again, there she was. And there's no way that I could ever talk to you again. She's got it all. I waited for you, Jake." I said to him.
"You did?" He asks.
"I did. You said you're into me.. said I should dive and let you in, but I figured you chose her instead."
He's silent. If I wanted to make him mine right now, I could tell him how Ayeong treated me few days ago. How she looked down on me and objectifying the boys. I could tell him she's no good for him and that'll be it.
But I couldn't. Because I know even though he's not in love with her, there's more to their story.
We're sitting on a bench. There's an awkward silence between us.
"I don't love Ayeong, Silver.." He suddenly says.
"Then why did you led her on? You know it's gonna hurt more for her later."
"She's.. she's complicated.. She's struggling so much. I can't imagine what she's been through. I just think that I should be there when she needs me."
Right. I've seen this all before.
"Did she said she love you?"
"Yes.."
"Did she beg you not to leave her?"
"Kind of.."
"Then that's not love, that's obsession, J."
He went silent. As if he knows this thing between them are toxic.
"You know this, aren't you?" I asks him. He nods.
"Look, I won't tell you to leave her. All I know is, something toxic is not worth your time, J." I paused to control my words. I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings. "Do you know how I felt about you?"
"No." He turns to me.
"I missed you, a lot and in many ways. I feel like I'm losing my best friend. But I don't want to be in a tangling web. And I don't want to tell you what love is because I'm still trying to figure it out on my own." He listens to me intently.
"But if someday you realized that it's me who you want, you'll come and find me." I softly said to him. It's hard for me to say but it is for the best.
"I miss you too. A lot." He shyly says. "You've got it all, S. Don't compare yourself to her.." He continues.
"Right.."
We sat there, gazing at each other. Wondering will time unite us in the end or separate us for good instead?
I don't want to rush him, it's all his choice. Time is all he need. I just wish he'd made up his mind quickly.
.
.
By evening, I cooked dinner for my date with Jamie. Boy, how busy I am today. It's western food for tonight, I'm making a salmon pesto spaghetti, a mushroom soup and some sliced baguette. I'm preparing a wine glass at our table and some romantic candles. I put on some romantic jazz music to lighten up the mood and dim the lights a little.
I throw on my black mini slip dress. Wears my gold necklace and do my hair up. After wearing a perfume, I heard the door rings and I scurries to open the door.
"Hi, babe." I greet Jamie as I open the door, only to see that it's not Jamie.
It's Haru and the girls. Shit.
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