Camila's POV
In less than a year Mr. Mendes went from being my college professor, to my mentor, to Manny, to the father of my boyfriend, to the grandfather of my child. It had been crazy, but no one had it rougher than him. Even when he was weak, in pain and moody, he always managed to share a smile with me. I had a void feeling in my heart now that I couldn't hear his voice or his laugh and since he left us, I had cried every single day.
The crying was soft and quiet, I didn't want to disturb anyone, specially his closest family. My mom was with me every day making sure me and my baby were ok. Shawn was too busy working on the funeral and getting paperwork ready. Manny wanted to be cremated and return to his hometown in Toronto.
There was a reception at his house once everything was taken care of and before Karen, Aaliyah and more relatives came to say goodbye and take him with them. The house was full with people that appreciated and admired Manny, family, friends, faculty members, students, administrative staff, neighbors, everyone.
Karen was the first to say some words. She introduced herself and thanked all the people that had gathered there. She didn't know much of his personal life here so she was happy to see the impact Manny had on others' lives. She thanked him for the father he was, always responsible, caring and loving. She thanked him for the their first years together, some of the best she had had. And she thanked Gina too, for bringing back that infatuated look on his eyes.
The Dean also used his words to talk about what a great professional Manny was, how his students were always excited to participate in his class and how sad everyone was when he had to take a step aside because of his illness. He assured his family Manny had been a great contribution the their college and that his presence would be much missed.
Shawn tried to speak and he did good for the better half, but then his voice cracked. He said sorry and left. He managed to say he loved him endlessly, even when he was an ass that didn't want to take his medicine. People laughed a bit, and then went quiet when he drowned in emotions and had to walk away.
I gave him time and space before going after him, I knew that's what I needed when uncle Mark died. I hated having people on my face while I cried telling me that everything was going to be ok. I knew maybe everything was going to be ok, but in that moment I just wanted to mourn him and feel however I was supposed to feel.
The days passed and Shawn slept tightly wrapped around me, even when it was summer and the nights were hot. Even when my belly made it extremely uncomfortable for me to lay in bed every now and then. But he would go into the office room I had the apartment that no one used and not go out unless it was for food, the bathroom or a beer.
Years of social studies taught me that men needed that alone time to deal with their feelings. They needed to retrieve from civilization and act like cave people before going back to using their full mental and emotional capacities. Therefore, I didn't bothered him for a few days.
But when he wasn't wrapped around me at night and I saw the lights on in the living room at 3 am I decided it was time to say something.
"Shawn", I called him.
He was laying on the couch, his forearm over his eyes and a beer on his other hand. He looked reckless and devastated. He had been like that since Manny passed away, about two weeks ago.
He groaned but didn't say anything. I took the bottle from his hand and I put next to other bunch that were laying around, all empty.
"Baby", I called him.
"No", he murmured when I tried to move his arm.
"Shawn, let's go to bed", I said.
"Leave me here, I don't care".
"I care", I said. "And I worry. Please come with me".
"Just go", he said.
"Come with me", I insisted.
"No, you go to bed", he mumbled but he was drunk and I barely made sense of what he had said. I had never seen him so wasted before.
"Shawn, you're drunk", I told him.
"And so what?", he asked annoyed and put both hand over his head, eyes still closed.
"You'll feel awful tomorrow".
"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters..."
"Don't say that. We matter", I whispered softly.
He was being harsh and rude but I understood where that was coming from, so I couldn't be mad just yet.
I placed his hand on my belly and he rested it there for a few seconds but then took it out like if he had been electrocuted and turned around on the couch with his back to me.
"Go", he said.
His gesture hurt me this time and tears threatened to fall from my eyes.
"Don't do this", I whispered about to cry.
"No, you don't do this", he said back. "Don't use our son to get to me".
"What are you... freaking saying?", I asked angry and confused, but biting my tongue to not say something that would make it worse.
"He doesn't need to see me like this", he said again.
"Shawn..."
"Camila, please".
"No", I told him adamant. "I gave you time and space enough. How else is our baby going to see you if you don't ever act differently now?"
"You don't know..."
"I do! I know you're hurting, I am too. I miss him and I know you miss him a ton more but we could be missing him together if you'd talk to me. We could make it a bit more bearable if you'd let me in".
He stayed still, just breathing for a second and then rolled on his back slowly and looked at me. I was on my knees next to the couch.
"I've lived away from him before and I thought... I thought that would've prepared me for this but...", he tried to contain his tears but failed.
I watched him break in front of me and I held his head against my chest while he ugly and drunken cried. He always did this, keep everything inside until it was too much and exploded.
"It'll take time", I whispered on his ear. "You'll never stop missing him because you will never forget him, but with time it'll hurt a bit less. You'll think about him and it'll just be love and good memories. It just takes time".
He moves his arms around me and held me close while he cried and cried. He cried even more than at the funeral, more than the day we found out there was no turning back. He cried so much that I thought he was going to dehydrate, but he seem to sober up instead.
"I love you", he whispered against my chest. I brushed off my own tears before holding his face and make him look at me.
"I love you so much", I said back to him.
The kiss was wet and salty because of the tears but I had missed his lips so very much that I didn't care.
"Come here", I said and took his hand to get him out of the couch.
He followed me into the bathroom and watched as I took his clothes off. I ran the tub and waited for the water to be ready to tell him to get inside. He was like a little kid, following every direction.
"You too", he asked me and I removed my clothes and held my hair up in a bun before sitting there with him, my back against my chest.
He ran his hands around my body, slowly and delicately. I had missed his touch too.
"I'm sorry", he whispered on my ear.
"It's ok, but you have to talk to me, or anyone. Keeping these feelings to yourself never do any good", I told him.
"I know", he sighed.
"I love you and I've missed you. I barely seen you these days".
"I know", he repeated.
"That's not good enough", I said.
"I'll do better. I promise. For you and our baby", he promised.
"I don't need you to be superman and always take care of us. I need you to be honest with me and trust me as much as I trust you".
"I trust you... so much. Sometimes I don't know how to even deal with myself and I don't want to be a burden".
"I think we both know I know how to deal with you... in every way", I said flirting.
He laughed and I felt his muscles relax.
"Yes, you do", he said and kissed my neck again and again.
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a/n: this is at #5 on the shawnmila tag? OMG. Thank you guys, I'm so happy you like it 🥺