Pierson
Have you ever felt... worthless?
Like the world is just completely against you?
Yeah.
On the daily.
The past year I've felt like shit. Absolute shit and it feels like it only gets worse and worse. It's like the world is giving me a big "fuck you, Pierson."
It doesn't get easier.
I put my shirt down, letting a tear run down my cheek.
"Oh honey..." mom hugs me. "We don't have to go today if you don't want to."
I wrap my skinny and frail arms around her. "I need to do this. He needs to stop."
She pulls back and cuffs my cheeks. "We are all on your side. You will win this, my love." she gives me a warm, loving smile.
"I just hate seeing his face constantly. It hurts." I pull my sleeves down.
"I know, but, it'll all be over soon. Come on, let's get going." she wraps her arm around my shoulders and leads me out of the house with her.
I open the passenger door to mom's mini cooper and take a seat, putting my airpods in and listening to some Novo Amor.
Their music soothes me in a way I can't explain.
It's calming.
Mom drives off and I put on my seatbelt, leaning back and closing my eyes, but instantly opening them as memories come flooding back.
I truly hate this.
Every time I get settled and calm, those memories and thoughts just come right back.
The medicine is effective and has helped me in so many ways, but, they're still there.
I wrap my arms around my body for comfort, like I've always done the past year.
Within a few miles, we pull into the police station and my heart pounds with fear.
It's gonna burst.
My heart.
"Give me a minute..." I trail off, catching my breath.
"Take your time, love." mom turns off the car.
Gulping, I take out my airpods and put them back in their case then I take off my seatbelt.
I take a few deep breaths and do the breathing techniques my therapist taught me.
Breathe in for seven seconds,
exhale for five.
I look around, naming things I can see, feel, smell, touch.
I turn to mom. "I'm ready."
"Okay." she gives me a half smile, comfortingly rubbing my shoulder before we get out of the car, walking into the station.
"Hey ladies! How can we help you?" an officer at the front desk, named Doug, greets us politely.
"Hi!" mom smiles. "We're here to file a restraining order as well as filing a report."
"H-"
"Doug!" a man in the back calls out.
"My apologies!" Doug stands up. "River, please help these ladies." he jogs off.
I look up to see a tall guy around my age looking pretty annoyed. "What do we got?" the officer sits down. "Oh, call me River." he winks.
"A restraining order and filing a report." mom sits down.
I sit down with her.
The officer, River, looks at me. I grow nervous and anxious right on the spot.
My breathing increases as my heart raises.
"I don't want to be siting here right now as much as you do, babe." he says, sarcastically.
I take a sharp breath. "Excuse me?"
He sits up. "Here," he grabs a clipboard with many papers attached "you could just fill these out." he hands them to mom.
Mom grabs the pen in between us and begins filling out the report first.
My leg bounces as I feel River's eyes pierce on me.
"Oh gee, I forgot my license in the car." mom stands up and looks at me. "I'll be right back." she says before exiting the building, leaving me alone with this guy.
I gulp and he continues staring at me.
"Let's see." he grabs the clipboard to review what mom already wrote down. His cocky look disappears within a second of reading. He looks at me. "What's your name?"
"Pierson." I nervously brush a strand of my hair behind my ear.
"Pierson, Pierson." he repeats, making a face. "Lovely name. Where are you from, Pierson?"
"Here, but, I moved to Illinois and just recently moved back home two years ago." I reply.
"How old are you?" he antagonizes.
"Twenty one. You?" I almost immediately smack myself in embarrassing, making him laugh.
"You're good, Pierson. I'm twenty three."
Mom thankfully walks back in, sitting back down and jotting words down on the papers.
"Here." I hand mom my license for my part of the paper that I want her to fill out for me other than my signature obviously.
Yes, I'm a big girl, but, I have this thing where I can't be looking down for too long.
"You're old enough, ain't ya?" River laughs.
I look at him and mom looks up. "Some things are better off different ways." she replies.
This guy really is a jerk.
"You do you." he continues laughing as he leans back.
Twenty minutes pass and everything is finally finished. Quite frankly, I feel relieved. I don't know if it's because I'm with a cop right now or because the restraining order is in place and this is going to court.
"Thank you."
"You'll hear from us shortly." River leaves.
I roll my eyes. "What an asshole."
"Well honey, not all cops are polite, but, we need to respect them as they're getting the job down." mom says as we walk out of the station.
I sigh.
"I guess so."
I turn back and gulp.