Pandava camp, Kurukshetra
I hurried into Krishna's tent. But he was not there. The bed had no sign of use either.
Where had he gone? I looked around. My heart skipped a beat not seeing his Sudarshana and Sharnga at their places.
Does that mean...?
No! I had to stop him if this was true. I stepped out immediately. My guess was right. Krishna was preparing his Gadura-flagged chariot, with the help of Daruka, his charioteer.
"Bhrata!" I called out, in whispering voice. Though he was related to me by multiple relations, this was the first and most natural address for me. In this moment of urgency this name only slipped out without a conscious thought.
He turned, not surprised to see me in his camp at this hour.
"What are you doing?" I moved closer. "Chariot and weapons... you'll fight tomorrow?"
"I will. If I have to." His voice was calm.
"What does that mean? You're going to break...your oath?" I gasped.
"I am, Devika. If situation demands so." Again that calm reply came.
"No!" I exclaimed, "This cannot happen! Samrat would never let you break your vow for our sake, even if that brings defeat to the Pandavas!"
Krishna's hands stopped.
"I know Jyeshtha would not let me. But I have to, Devi! For Pandavas' lose is my lose!"
"Is it for this you let Abhi die?" I stared hard at him.
He sighed, shaking his head. "Everything happens for a reason, Bhabhi. Abhi has saved Dharma from a certain lose today."
"I never understood you at all, Bhrata!" I let out a sigh.
"Go to Jyeshtha, Bhabhi. He needs you right now!" He gravely said.
I slowly nodded. "I'll go to him. But before that I need you to revive this grieving camp, Govinda. Otherwise nothing can save Pandavas tomorrow."
"What happened?" He asked patiently.
"Don't you think that Arjuna needs to..."
"No." He cut me off. "I have advised him to worship Mahadeva this night. His blessing is a compulsory for tomorrow's war."
"You heard his oath, right?"
"I did. And this is why I'm preparing myself. If he fails to kill Jayadratha by sunset, I will!"
"Govinda!" I exclaimed.
"I cannot let Dharma lose, Bhabhi! Whatever might happen, Dharmaraj alone has to sit on throne and I'll do anything to make him the Emperor again!"
"At the expense of your oath?"
His face turned graver.
"Well, listen then. Before this war began, Jyeshtha has surrendered his four brothers to me. I promised him I will protect Arjuna. If my own oath contradicts the promise given to my loved ones, I always choose the latter." He smiled now. "You know me, don't you?"
My eyes were moist by then. What could I say to this selfless love?
"Go without a worry, Bhabhi!" He assured, "Your family will be safe!"
***
My husband was not himself today.
He sat numb, seemingly lifeless. I sensed his limbs had turned cold. I was told that Devarishi Narada himself had come to console him. It was clear to me that even his words could not heal his deep wound.
I sat close to him, trying to comfort him in my arms. In vain. He gave a vacant look and did not speak a single word.
"Abhi has gone to the highest heaven meant for the greatest warriors, Natha. Pray, do not blame yourself!"
His gaze at me told me that I was correct in guessing what was going inside him.
"You know what I did? I have killed him, Devi! It was me who caused his death!" His eyes betrayed... no, not guilt, it was remorse.
"Why didn't Arjuna vow to kill me instead of Jayadratha?"
"Swami!" I screamed. At the next moment I managed to control myself. I had to be calm now, at least for his sake.
"Natha," I took his head on my chest and caressed his back, "I repeat, it was not your fault. You are a King first. It is your duty to save your soldiers at any cost and you just did that."
He did not speak. I felt only his heavy sighs against my bosom.
"Without taking that decision, your army would have been killed, Dharmaraj! Dharma would have lost! Would Arjuna have liked it either? Could our Abhi like to have that life at the cost of Dharma's defeat?"
He shook his head. "Still it's me alone. I forgave Jayadratha once. I forgave Susharma. They both..." He could not speak more, breaking down again.
I knew it would happen. It was so coincidental that both the people involved in Abhi's death, were once forgiven and spared by him only. Was he thinking that forgiving them was his sin?
"But you didn't forgive those six cowards inside the chakravyuha." I cupped his face to make him look at me. "Did you?"
He slowly lifted his eyes to me. A flicker of suppressed anger lept up in that coppery calmness. Something I had seen so rarely in him. I knew my effort had not fully gone in vain. This anger was needed. Much needed.
"Do not weaken yourself, Swami! Rather promise to Abhi that you won't let his sacrifice go in vain!" I cradled his face and forced to bring a smile on my face. "Tomorrow is crucial. We have to make it. Don't we?"
He exhaled deeply, nodding.
"Catch some sleep now, Nath!" I pleaded, "You have to wake up tomorrow before sunrise!"
"Arjuna..." He struggled for words, "is he..."
Realizing his concern, I caressed him. "He is fine. Jiji will look after him. Don't worry!"
"But his oath?" He exclaimed under breath. I sensed he was torn between two different emotions. Half of his heart was lamenting for Abhi and the other half was dying in worry for Arjuna who was no less than a child to him! Knowing his father's heart, I knew how difficult it was for him to even breathe in this condition!
Mahadeva! When would this night pass? A heavy sigh escaped me.
"Krishna is making some strategy for tomorrow along with Daruka and Bhrata Dhrishtadyumna." I ran my fingers tenderly through his hair, hoping to comfort him a little, "nothing will happen to Arjuna! They will ensure that he reaches Jayadratha much before sunset!"
He gave me a vacant look, as if in partly hope, and partly disbelief.
"Krishna will never let any harm happen to His Sakha! Trust Him, Nath!"
He nodded, taking a deep breath. Sensing that his limbs relaxed a bit on Krishna's name, I made him lie on the bed. He let me do so without saying anything.
"Now sleep." I caressed his head. While he finally closed his eyes, I sensed a shadow standing silently at the door. It moved away as I looked up. I knew who it was. He thought that he could hide himself from my eyes!
I rose. While coming out of my husband's tent, I could hear a scream.
"Did not Samrat find anyone else to send inside chakravyuha? Why it is my daughter's fate that he had to play with?"
Queen Sudeshna! I held my breath as I saw the shadow stopping near king Virata's tent once and then quickly moving away.
He had heard it!
Sudeshna could wait, I thought. The other person needed to be looked after first!
I moved forward quickly to the tent he entered in. The young man sank on his bed silently. He was visibly exhausted and wounded from inside. He did not even notice that I had entered.
The guards bowed to me, partly in surprise to see me here unexpectedly. I nodded at them quickly and moved inside.
"Prati!" I kept my right palm gently on the lowered head.
Prativindhya looked up, totally unprepared to face me. "Maa...you... here?" He struggled for words.
"You did not have your meal yet. What happened, child?" I caressed his head tenderly. A surge of affection overwhelmed me looking at his sad face.
These five sons of Jiji Draupadi were not only very close to me, I had an extra soft corner for them among all the children. My mother's heart melted much easily for those ones who remained deprived of their mother's love for thirteen long years! And this boy, the eldest of the five, drew even more love from me, being the most suppressive, most quiet of them.
Just like his father!
"Nothing, Maa." He slowly uttered, "it's just that I don't feel hungry."
"No one does today. Still, you are a warrior and you cannot fall weak, my son!" I tried to smile, "I am calling the maids. Have your meal and go to sleep now. It is already late."
He did not speak. Too obedient to protest he was! I hid a sigh. They called him mature, responsible, caring elder brother. None saw how much his inner being had burnt to grow up so early! I knew well how much his heart was secretly craving to cry out to me, yet something stopped him. After all, they made him believe that warriors do not cry! Even more than that, his father's gene made him believe that an elder brother isn't allowed to express his own pain!
"You have not slept yet, Maa?" He softly asked. His caring tone made me look at him with awe. None in this entire Pandava camp did even remember to ask me or any of my sisters-in-law whether we were fine or not.
"You haven't either!" I said.
His lips curved into a sad smile. "I don't need it, Maa. I'm already alive by snatching several innocent people's sleep, and dreams!" He looked away, bitting his lips.
I sensed something wrong. It could not just be the pain of losing Abhi. It had to be something more which I didn't know.
"Prati," I held his shoulder. "What bothers you, kid?"
He lowered his head, and did not speak for a while.
"Maa would you tell me one thing please?" He looked at me helplessly, "Do I...do I get more advantage...more protection in the battle ground being Emperor's eldest son, and the heir of his throne?"
"Prati! How dare you doubt your father's fairness?" I was grave. "These words cannot be yours! Who told you this?" I looked straight through his eyes.
He turned away, as if could not face me.
"No one. It's just my own heart which says so. After today Pita will be blamed even more, Maa!" He almost whispered, "Due to me."
"What are you saying?" I fumed.
"I'm saying what is reality, Maa! You know people judged him for not staking me in the dice game. Now everyone will again say that Pita did partiality with me. They will say that the selfish Emperor saved his son's life and throne." A sigh escaped him, "Was I born only to cause infamy to him, Maa? Would I never bring glory to my parents?"
"Who says you aren't our pride, child?" I pulled him closer and caressed his head. "And why should you care for others' opinion on that? What right do they have to judge your relation with your parents?"
He cringed and sank on bed again, covering his face with both hands. "I can't forgive myself Maa! I still believe that me being the Kauravas' slave could have saved my mother from that insult. Today also, it was I who should have been inside the chakravyuha, not my little brother.Why couldn't I die today?"
"Prati!" I chided, "Dare you say that again to me! You are not so immature to not understand a simple thing, my son. Had you known how to enter chakravyuha, could any power of this world stop you from rushing to Abhi's help?"
He lowered his head again, sighing heavily.
"We all know what Abhi was to you! Why are you blaming yourself unnecessarily, kid?" My voice had softened.
"Maa, an elder brother's job is not to enjoy protection from his younger but the opposite! I have failed Abhi in an irreversible way!"
"I have failed him even more, Prati! Don't you feel my pain, brother?"
A voice at the door made me turn. Ghatotkacha's eyes were red. I had never seen our most obedient eldest son in such a frustrated anger.
"I am the eldest, Prati!" Ghatotkacha said, "It was my job to protect all of you today! Despite my presence Abhi had to..." His fists curled and slammed on a wall helplessly. "Shame on my strength!"
"Jyeshtha!" Prativindhya rose quickly and put an arm on Ghatotkacha's shoulder. "Please calm down!"
"I cannot, Prati! I cannot, at least not until I avenge my brother!" His eyes shone, "Either I will avenge Abhi tomorrow, or will die myself! I promise!"
"Yes, that's so nice of you!" I suddenly burst out, "Your uncle, your brother, you, all keep taking the vows to prove your valour! Who cares for the mothers and wives of this camp?" I finished and rose.
"Mata I didn't mean..." Ghatotkacha was shocked. He had never seen this me.
I raised my hand to stop him. "Do you boys even understand what is going on in your parents' heart right now? Have you thought of your wife and son's face once before uttering this, Ghato? How did you become so heartless to take such a vow?"
He lowered his head. Prativindhya stood in flushed face.
"Listen, King of Rakshasas! Unless you can discard your promise for the ones who love you, do not talk to me!"
I walked out of the tent in hurried step. I could listen him calling me continuously.
"Devi Maa! Mata! Please listen once!" He pleaded again. I paused in my steps but did not look back to him.
"Forget the vow you have just made, Ghato! Promise me that you won't talk about your death anymore! Otherwise do not even show your face to me!"
Only if I could know what a huge mistake I was doing! I could have never known before the next day's sun was set.
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Well, this is not yet finished. I want to show the fourteenth day as well because it's linked with thirteenth night. Sorry for this extra long chapter. Next one will be short, hopefully.
Do tell me if you want the next part of fourteenth day or should I end it here?