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[ 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗
𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚕𝚕 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 ]
i found // amber run
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There was perhaps nothing more embarrassing than your mother catching you snogging your crush. Regulus groaned as he pulled himself from the night before. He'd have to send Kreacher to search for some Pepperup Potion for him, but he couldn't shake the dread of having to face his mother. She hadn't spoken to him the rest of the night, and they had all retired to their beds promptly. He rolled over onto his stomach, eyes lazily gazing across his walls. He'd decorated when he had just been sorted, mostly in spite of Sirius. He'd seen the wrath of his parents from his defiance, and figured if he kept his room Slytherin enough maybe it could be good for the both of them.
Now articles littered the desk and floors, Daily Prophets writings of the Dark Lord and the chaos ensuing all around them. Not that he experienced any of it, but he heard about it. Sometimes he wondered if he could be on the front lines, maybe then his parents would be proud. Maybe then he could make something of himself that wasn't just his position as the Black son or Sirius's younger brother.
"Kreacher." He called out groggily, the house elf appearing immediately. Sirius had always hated him, calling him names and despising him for his beliefs. His mother treated him as she should, the servant he was, while his father mostly ignored him except to call for a drink. But Regulus had always found Kreacher's loyalty spectacular, and his humor quite entertaining when he thought no one was listening.
"Yes Master Regulus." He bowed, bringing a small chuckle from Regulus's lips.
"Has my mother called for me yet?"
"No Master Regulus, Kreacher has not heard from Mistress Black." The house-elf was so stately, Regulus was sure he made a better Black than him or his brother.
"Good, can you fetch me some Pepperup Potion? I don't want her knowing."
"Of course Master." With another deep bow the house-elf vanished with a crack. Regulus had found himself on the brink of sleep again, falling into the soft supple lips of Jocelin again when the visions were disrupted by the pull of his mother's voice.
"We're leaving this evening Regulus. Visiting our estate in France, and you've been invited back to the Malfoy Manor and the Burke estate in Belgium. So pack everything you may need." He peaked out of one eye to her daunting figure in his doorway. Her hands were hidden under her robes, her face stern and cold per usual. Did she care about him and Jocelin? Was this a ploy to keep them a part because she hadn't arranged for them to be together? She'd told him if he found someone suitable, than she wouldn't resort to an arranged marriage. But yet, she still seemed hesitant to the idea that Regulus could make his own decisions, could chose his own life.
He thought of Sirius.
"Could we leave tomorrow? I'd like to see Jocelin before-"
"We are to leave tonight, if you are so desperate to see her, you may owl her. Her family will be invited to the estates later this season." That usually resulted in just the appearance of her parents. Jocelin and Delilah had been left at home following an incident between Delilah and Sirius, which ended with Jocelin in tears. He had never found the full story of that night.
"You have duties you have committed to. It's best you see them through." She reminded him as she turned away. Kreacher appeared, handing him the potion. His heart dropped at the idea, the promises he had made, the commitments for himself, for his family, for approval. Walburga would do anything to keep them from being derailed by teenage love, that much was evident. Regulus should follow suit. It was none the wiser to do so.
"Kreacher, could you...could you deliver a message for me?" It was moments like this he wished Sirius hadn't turned away, that his parents hadn't pushed them out of their lives, that he hadn't left so willingly. He would know what to do, give him the brotherly advice as he had when they were children, teaching him new tricks on the broomstick, and how to sneak extra chocolates without Kreacher knowing. Now he was alone, leaving to face his future, and on the brink of heartbreak.
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It was risky, but Regulus knew that in a month time he wouldn't be able to do this. That he would be under even more scrutiny, that his freedom would be restricted.
But he sat in the back room of the Leaky Cauldron, wondering if this had been a mistake. He should have taken this time to go see Jocelin, to do something for himself. It was useless at this point, he just had to know.
An hour passed and Regulus had all but given up. Just as he resigned himself to leaving, the curtain parted and there Sirius stood.
"I thought you'd've left by now." He huffed, as if he had been hoping for that to be the case. Regulus swallowed in response. There was something about his stare, not as hateful as Regulus had imagined it to be. In fact there was a glimmer of something more, perhaps it was hope? Maybe he was just projecting.
"Can two brothers not meet for a drink?" He tried to smile, but it was met with the same blank expression. Sirius had been working on keeping composure, but his anger was always easy to read. He was much more like their mother than either of them would admit.
"Not when they are forbidden to talk to one another." He remained standing, back against the brick wall, as if waiting for an ambush.
"It's only me Sirius, you can sit down."
"I won't be staying long."
The silence was heavy, crushing everything within him. How did people escape this?
"Narcissa was married last night." A neutral ground, not about either one of them, he was sure Sirius had heard about it.
"To that twat Lucius nonetheless. Perfect Cissy." He mumbled in return, but moved to take the seat across from Regulus. The two continued their stare-down, neither wanting to be the first to break. As if breaking would mean more.
"I uh, kissed Jocelin. Finally." The heat rushed to his cheeks and he had to glance away, trying to keep his cool.
"Don't get involved with her." It wasn't the reaction Regulus had wanted, or even anticipated.
"What?" Confusion flooded his thoughts as he tried to sort through the reasoning as to why not. He could only find the reasons why he should.
"You know who her family is."
"Which is why I should be involved with her. She's kind, and quiet, and intelligent." The defense came easily, and he realized that he had never told her any of these things himself.
"She's loyal to her name, and her name alone. Her father is a well-known-" Sirius stopped himself, eyes drifting purposefully off of Regulus as he chewed on his bottom lip in thought.
"You're friends with her sister, I don't see any difference."
"Her sister is an actual good person. As if you would know what one is. You are so afraid of disappointing Mummy and Daddy that you can't think for yourself." There it was, the anger seeping through.
"I can think plenty for myself. I've made my own decisions and in fact, I have a much brighter future than you ever could." The words fumbled out, though Regulus kept his temperament. He couldn't give into the feelings as easily as Sirius could, he would lose whatever upper hand he had.
"Merlin, are you really that dense Regulus? You're just like dad. So committed to the Black name, doing what you can to make yourself and our dead ancestors proud. You are going to live and miserable life. And I can't wait to watch it eat you and our family alive." The words sliced through the air, daggers meant to wound him. But it was the same old speech he gave, caught up in his feelings of hatred for his family. One, two, three...Regulus exhaled.
"You know, it's you I feel sorry for Sirius. That you're so lost you can't see everything you're leaving behind."
"I know exactly what it is." With that he stood up, the chair knocking to the floor from the force. Regulus remained stone-faced, hands clasped within each other. He wouldn't let him get under his skin.
This was a mistake.
There was no good-bye, just Sirius pushing through the curtain dramatically, leaving Regulus alone once again. One, two, three...He exhaled again slowly. He moved quietly from his seat, making sure to pick up the other one and push it under, leaving behind any disturbances that still hung there. He kept his composure as he found his way back to the Floo network and into his house. It was quiet. It was in that moment that everything began to slip. Two by two he took the stairs to his bedroom, only stopping to thank Kreacher as he dusted the portraits, before slamming the door behind him much to their displeasure.
He huffed, pushing aside the clippings on his desk in a desperate search for blank parchment. His owl, Lyra, looked at him quizzically. In the rush of it all, his mother's voice bellowing through the house, he knocked over his ink pot, spreading the black ink across everything. That didn't matter much now, he couldn't even begin to form the words of it all. So he simply wrote:
Gone to the estates. See you at school. Visit and write if you can. I am sorry.
- Regulus
His fingers shook as he attempted to tie it around Lyra's leg, the owl becoming more impatient with each attempt he took to tie it. Sirius had no right to say who he should and shouldn't involved himself with, as if he wasn't obsessed with a mudblood lover. As if he wasn't a traitor himself. He knew what he was leaving behind and he didn't care. There was only one other person who knew what that felt like, who kept the same sadness quiet under their bones.
"Take this to the Avery's, Jocelin specifically." He nodded, the sand colored owl easing out of the place the moment he threw the window open. He hoped she would understand, would inquire, would come for him. That's all he wanted.
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