Except she didn't need to think about any of it. At least not right then and there.
No, what Jennie needed wasn't a thing, it was a person and she had just left her apartment. Anything else could wait for later – yeah, she could push her rational thoughts to the far back of her mind, and throw all her resolutions out the window because in that moment, all Jennie needed – no, all Jennie wanted was to have Lisa all to herself one last time.
She needed to breathe her scent into her lungs and intoxicate herself with it. She needed to hold her closely and feel the touch of her soft skin against her body. What Jennie needed was a proper way to end things, no matter the consequences. Closure, if you will.
Because honestly, fuck the consequences. And fuck rational thoughts, logical thinking and practicality. All those things could kiss her sweet little ass, because she didn't care in that instant. She didn't care at all.
And apparently, neither did Lisa.
Without hesitation, Jennie bolted to her apartment door and swung it open with all her might and she let out a loud 'Lisa, wait!' that faded when the younger girl's lips, whom apparently had been waiting for her at the other side of the door, crashed onto hers in a searing kiss that knocked the breath right out of her chest so abruptly, that Jennie had to hold on to the wooden frames to steady herself.
Tongues twirling in each other's mouth, teeth chattering, lips smacking and sucking, Lisa grabbed the back of Jennie's thighs and lifted her up to make her hook her slender legs around her waist, effectively carrying her back inside the apartment. And when they made it to the bed and found it covered in all kinds of papers from work, Lisa didn't waste any time cleaning and instead opted for laying herself flat on the carpeted floor with Jennie straddling her torso.
"You're going to get us killed" Jennie squeaked in surprise in between kisses.
"I don't fucking care" Lisa replied in a guttural growl.
Pulling away for just a moment, Jennie took off her own shirt and tossed it aside somewhere into the darkness of the room, her boobs popping up proudly and sensually once Lisa snapped her bra open and discarded it. With a smirk, Jennie yanked Lisa's top garments off and stopped for a moment to appreciate the delicate silhouette beneath her.
The small yet beautiful curvature of her perky tits, the rosy color of her erect nipples, the beads of sweat that formed on her chest and slithered down to her toned stomach where it glistened with the reflection of the dim light coming from the living room in between the cracks of the door, where it looked like she was a sparkling diamond that Jennie felt compelled to lick all over.
Barbie doll, she thought to herself and smiled.
The atmosphere quickly became heavy, and anything else was just background noise to the melodic rhythm in which their bodies slapping and squeezing together made erotic wet sounds. And when Jennie sat on Lisa's face and she felt the skillful tongue digging up as deep as it could go inside her dripping cunt, her naughty moans and lascivious curse words felt like music to Lisa's ears.
Hair pulling, perfectly manicured nails digging into their scalp, tongue sucking, ass squeezing, and dirty little words that would escape their mouths when they weren't moaning out each other's names in pure extasy. And when Jennie's fingers went inside Lisa's tight pussy, pounding roughly and repeatedly against her g-spot, all Lisa saw was white and her mouth hung open with no sounds coming out, as she reached her climax and came undone with a squirt of juices shooting out against the palm of Jennie's hand, who helped her ride out her orgasm while the sight of the younger girl writhing beneath her was enough to get her off as well.
And once they were both done and tired, panting with the relief of a mind-blowing coitus, Lisa opened her eyes and smiled in pure bliss while her right hand played with Jennie's hair, whose sweaty naked body laid comfortably on top of hers – legs entangled and pussies still throbbing with pleasure.
"That was... wow" Lisa said in between ragged breaths.
Unable to find words of her own, Jennie smiled up at her and kissed her lips ever so softly as if she were afraid to break her. Although she knew her next words would do just enough to ruin the moment.
"This was goodbye, Lisa" she said looking directly into confused doe eyes.
Not giving her the chance to argue, Jennie got up from the floor and went into her own bathroom to shower and think about everything she had just done under the hot rivulet of the water, completely sure that by the time she came back out Lisa would already be gone.
-
January 15th, 2018 (9:44pm)
"Unnie, it was awful!" Jennie whined through a mouthful of stale noodles from the fridge.
Jisoo's laughter could be heard from the other line.
"How bad could it be? You still got free food and he was handsome" she reasoned.
"And boring as fuck" Jennie added with spite. "At some point I even felt compelled to give him some money so he could buy a personality. Seriously, I could've had a much more interesting conversation with a piece of drywall."
"Aish, why are you always so dramatic?"
"I'm not dramatic, I'm just honest" Jennie countered, defensively. "It's not my fault that all of Taehyung's set-ups are always pretentious little pricks who think their money will impress me. It's like he doesn't know me at all."
"Yikes" Jisoo could be heard gulping some beverage before proceeding. "What's this guy's name anyway?"
"Kim Seokjin. Why?"
"Hey, at least he was Korean this time"
"Yeah, I gotta give him that" Jennie agreed. "But he was just as boring as all the kiwis Tae has set me up with. Why can't he and eomma just leave me alone?"
"I'm sure they mean well. They're just looking out for you, that's all"
"What does meddling in my love life have to do with looking out for me? That makes literally zero sense"
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger" Jisoo defended herself with a light chuckle. "Besides, you know damn well you could've avoided this situation if you'd just waited a little longer to break up with Sehun. But noooo, you decided to dump his ass the week before your birthday and now that's what you get."
Jennie scoffed at that.
"Please, we weren't even dating" she retorted. "We just hooked up a few times"
"Be that as it may, he could've been a great excuse to keep auntie's and Tae's antics at bay"
"Yeah but he was also boring. There's no way I could stand that guy any longer; he was too clingy and intense for my taste"
"You say that about everyone, though" Jisoo fired back. "Seriously, Jendeuk. When was the last time you actually liked someone?"
Jennie was so taken aback by the question that she didn't realize she hadn't said anything, until Jisoo cleared her throat on the other side.
"Well?"
"I – it's not that simple" she defended herself very poorly.
"Yes, it is" Jisoo retorted. "The grass is green, the sky is blue, and dick is dick. You either like the person attached to it or you don't"
"Well, then I don't"
"And why is that?"
Jennie thought about it for a second, and could only conclude on one thing:
"They're just not my type"
Jisoo's boisterous laugh broke into the air, almost deafening her cousin in the process.
"That's a new one" she said in between laughs. "So, what is your type then?"
Jennie rolled her eyes at the mocking tone she was sensing in Jisoo's voice.
"I don't know, but it's definitely not them"
"You're being ridiculous" Jisoo said. "At this rate you won't find any guy that satisfies your needs because you don't keep them around longer than a month. It's been seven years; you need to put yourself out there, and I don't mean just sex."
Jennie let out a groan of frustration as she wiped her mouth with a paper napkin.
"Not you too, unnie" she whined. "It's fine, I'm fine. I don't need a man right now; I like my life just the way it is. I will survive"
"You're impossible"
"Thanks"
"Not a compliment"
"I'll take it anyway"
This time it was Jisoo's turn to growl, and Jennie giggled.
"I'll go now. I have an early meeting tomorrow" Jisoo said. "Will you be alright?"
Jennie let out a heavy sigh before answering.
"Yeah, I'll just finish this entire bottle of wine by myself and watch some cheesy romcom or whatever"
Jisoo chuckled.
"Loser" she mocked. "Goodnight, Jendeukie"
"Goodnight, Chu"
But it wasn't enough. And soon the minutes turned to hours, and Jennie had long finished her wine and was now munching on some salty crackers while watching the remaining minutes of Love O2O and feeling completely disgusted at the mushiness of it all. Why did she ever do this to herself, knowing damn well she hated romcoms? The cringe was too much to handle.
But what happens when you put a bottle of wine, a movie about online romance, spoiled food, a bitter aftertaste of a terrible dinner date, and horniness in the same place? You get a grown ass woman throwing dignity out the window and drunkenly downloading Tinder at one in the morning.
However, Jennie still didn't feel like being too recognizable on the shameful app, thus deciding on setting her name as Ruby Jane and using a close-up picture of her eyes staring into the camera in a black and white filter for dramatic effect, of course. She felt a little uncomfortable at her choice of name, remembering the way her ex-husband used to whisper it in her ear, but it was better than downright putting herself out there for possibly her colleagues to find her. Using the app was already embarrassing enough.
'Ruby Jane, 26'
She read out loud and cringed at herself. But the sentiment became even worse once she chose to be shown to both men and women, and that's when she knew she had really gone completely out of her mind.
"I mean, what could possibly go wrong? For all times' sake" she figured with a shrug.
But the whole swiping thing became annoying to her pretty fast, and she threw her phone on the carpet out of sheer frustration. However, not more than ten minutes later, she was back to scrolling through the app waiting to find something interesting to get her mind off of things (and maybe scratch some itches).
'Somebody Super Liked you! Find out who. (2:00am)'
Frankly, Jennie would've probably given up, deleted the app, pretended she never even used it, and gone the fuck to sleep her frustrations away, if it weren't for the fact that she saw her appear on her screen.
'lisa m, 19'
But it wasn't the name what caught her attention, nor the annoying lack of capitalization on it, – she had no idea who the fuck that was. But the face... those big round eyes, the long blonde hair, the thick bangs covering her eyebrows, and that stupid white cap. Yeah, Jennie recognized her. They had never met, but she remembered her pretty face from what looked like a makeshift photoshoot in a studio that one of her clients owned.
Jennie had gone to his office a few times to finalize some documentations for the lease of the building under his new brand name, and she had seen a group of students running a couple of experimental projects, one of which had been an urban clothing photoshoot.
'Barbie doll' she had made the comparison the first time she laid eyes on her.
Yeah, Jennie recognized that girl because she had caught her attention from afar. She was undeniably attractive. And the picture on her Tinder, wearing that dark velvety hoodie with the white cap lazily on the back of her head while pretending to take a selfie with her phone, was a picture from that very same day. Yeah, it had been weeks since then but she still remembered her.
Interesting, she thought.
She pondered on it for a moment longer; not because of the age difference, after all, she had been married to a man eight years older than her, so it really didn't matter much. But because it had been so long since she'd last touched a woman – and this would be the first time she'd do it without a man in the equation –, that she didn't know if it was the right thing to do. It was nerve-racking.
But incredibly irresistible at the same time. So, she did it anyway.
What could possibly go wrong?
-
May 12th, 2019 (6:02pm)
Nayeon wasn't stupid.
You know when you get a hunch or a bad feeling that something is or will be awfully wrong, yet you can't stop it? You can't prevent it either, and you never saw it coming until it was too late, and now all you can do is sit there and watch everything unfold right in front of your eyes like a movie scene in slow motion. And that's exactly what Nayeon was feeling at the moment.
Her instincts were never wrong, though she wished they were, because at the present she couldn't control her heavy breathing and the thundering in her chest that she swore could break through her ribcage. Her anxiety was through the roof and she braced herself for the inevitable.
She saw it coming that morning when she went to pick-up Lisa at her place. Sundays were the only days they could spend together because the Empress Twice was closed, so it had become their weekly routine to spend the entire day together on Sundays – from getting breakfast at some nice little French bistro, to walking around the park hand in hand, to maybe watch a movie, or go to an art exhibition, or literally anything, and then go back to Nayeon's place and spend the entire evening in a sweet and naughty mixture of sex and cuddles.
But this Sunday was very different.
Because from the moment Nayeon saw her girlfriend, she noticed the guilty look in her eyes, and she knew. Nayeon knew everything she needed to know, because she wasn't stupid. She had seen it before too, at the park on Easter right before Rosé's emergency call interrupted them. Lisa had wanted to say something to her back then, and she recognized that look in her eyes. The look that was hiding something that would inevitably hurt her. But she had ignored it.
And she had also seen it that morning at the bistro while they were having some coffee, but she also chose to ignore it. Just like she ignored it when she noticed her longing gaze at the mall when they walked past a jewelry store. She had ignored all the little moments of spaced out looks that anyone would've considered warning signs.
Nayeon had ignored the look and thrown it away in the back of her mind, because Lisa never said anything, and if she didn't say it then it wasn't real. And they spent the last few weeks with such normality that she had completely forgotten about that look.
Until that day.
Nayeon wasn't stupid, but she felt stupid when they ran into four beautiful women at the mall, who quickly introduced themselves as the bride and her bridesmaids from the wedding Lisa had worked at as a photographer. But that wasn't the worst part, no. And neither was the fact that Lisa immediately tensed upon seeing them. But it was the fact that when Jisoo – as she soon learned was her name – introduced herself as Ms. Kim's cousin, it didn't take much for Nayeon to make the painful connection between them and her girlfriend's reaction, and this time she couldn't ignore it.
That was the wakeup call she needed.
The rest of the afternoon had quickly become awkward, but not as awkward as it was when they made it back to her place. Like a bomb waiting to explode.
Because in that moment, right after entering her house, she turned around and saw Lisa's apologetic expression and she knew there was no turning back now. This was it. This was the reality she had been dreading, the nightmare she didn't want to repeat, and the truth she didn't want to hear.
"Nay, I can explain –"
"Don't" she cut her off, her voice brittle. "Don't say it... please"
The lump in Lisa's throat became heavier and she slumped her shoulders at the sad realization that Nayeon was already aware of what was happening. There really was no turning point from here.
"I'm sorry" Lisa whispered and she took a step forward.
Nayeon's eyes betrayed her, and a thick stream of tears rolled down her cheeks, her lips quivering with the pointless attempts to remain calm. All she could do was turn around and wipe at her eyes furiously with the sleeves of her coat.
Lisa didn't know what to do, and the quiet sobs breaking the barrier of silence in the room felt like a kick in the gut for her.
"You're leaving me" Nayeon said and it wasn't a question, yet she didn't bother turning back around to face her. "It's her, isn't it?"
"I never meant to hurt you" Lisa confessed, and it was the ugly truth.
Yet the truth could never erase what had already been done.
"I should've known better than to trust you" Nayeon spat bitterly. "Was I just a rebound to you? Do you even like me? Or was this just your way of killing time until you could go back to her?"
"You know that's not true" Lisa countered; this time more assertive as she took a step closer to her. "I care about you so much that it kills me to know I've hurt you. I wish I could go back in time and undo my actions, but I can't and there hasn't been a day that I don't hate myself for it."
Nayeon laughed bitterly and shook her head.
"Bullshit" she let out.
"Nay, please look at me" Lisa pleaded, her voice cracking and her eyes glistering with unshed tears.
"You and I were just a sweet nothing in an empty bubble" Nayeon muttered and turned to look at her with fire in her eyes. "But tell me something, Lisa. Does she feel the same? Or is this all just going to be pointless in the end?"
But she didn't get any answer from the younger girl. She had never heard silence cry this loud.
"I want you out of my house right now" Nayeon's whole demeanor suddenly turned cold and harsh – her nostrils flaring in pure anger.
"Nay, please"
"You promised me" Nayeon accused with a glare. "You said you wouldn't hurt me like that. I specifically asked you not to go behind my back, yet you did it anyway! You're a liar!"
"I know" Lisa conceded, the sour tears finally escaping her eyes. "And I'm genuinely sorry"
"Your words mean nothing to me anymore" Nayeon spat in disgust. "Please just go away. I never want to see you again"
"Nayeon, please" Lisa insisted.
"Please what?! What could you possibly have to say to me?" Nayeon snapped in anger. "That you love her and not me? That I was just fooling myself into thinking you were different? That it was never really over between you and her? You know, I've made so many mistakes in my life, but you're the most humiliating one."
And it's almost as if she had stabbed Lisa in the heart with those words; rendering her entirely speechless.
"Get out of my house. Now!" Nayeon yelled this time. "Get the fuck out of my face. Just fucking go!"
It was the first time Lisa had ever seen and heard this side of her, so enraged and fuming with pure and utter fury, but she didn't listen, and instead tried to wrap her arms around Nayeon's smaller frame but the latter took a step backwards and faced her with betrayal etched in fer features and a menacing posture.
"Just go, Lisa" she whispered, the tears coming out nonstop. "Please"
"Unnie?" Jeongyeon's voice suddenly coming from the hallway. "I heard yelling, what happened?"
And when her figure rounded the corner and appeared in front of the couple, Nayeon ran to her arms unable to keep the wailing inside any longer, and succumbing to the pain in her heart.
"What's wrong?" Jeongyeon asked before looking back up at Lisa with a scowl. "What did you do?"
But she didn't let her answer.
"Get the fuck out of this house before I break your jaw" Jeongyeon threatened with a snarl that was intimidating enough to make her back off without a fight.
And without another word, Lisa left.
-
February 11th, 2018 (1:06am)
"Get out. Out!" Jennie yelled as she threw a shoe at her face.
Effectively dodging it, Lisa squealed as she held a thin blanket in front of her naked body while she was standing near the door, looking amused.
"You're a psychopath!" she yelled.
"And you are an immature child. Now get out before I sock you in the face" Jennie threated from her spot on the bed.
"What the hell did I do now!?"
"I told you not to fall asleep! This isn't a slumber party" Jennie said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You know the rules: no sleeping over. I thought I made myself clear the first time."
"Well, excuse me for taking a little break" Lisa countered, sarcastically. "You really tired me out this time, princess" she added with a smirk and a wink.
Jennie rolled her eyes.
"You're cheesy" she huffed, annoyed. "And stop calling me that"
"Calling you... what, princess?" Lisa asked in a mocking tone because she knew she was getting on her nerves.
"Fuck you" Jennie spat.
"I just did"
Jennie was quickly running out of patience. How could this girl be so pretty yet incredibly aggravating at the same time? It's like she couldn't be happy if she wasn't getting on her very last nerve all the time.
"That's it. You're out"
Getting up from the bed, Jennie pushed Lisa out of her room all the way to the living room, where the rest of their clothes laid messily around and on the different pieces of furniture.
"You're seriously kicking me out in the middle of the night?" Lisa pouted. "It's freezing cold outside!"
"Well that sounds like a you problem" Jennie said, nonchalantly.
Lisa rolled her eyes.
"Rude"
"Bite me"
"Ooh kinky"
Jennie flipped her off as she kept picking up her undergarments from the floor.
"That's enough. We're not doing this again– I can't fucking stand you anymore" she let out exasperated.
"You said that the last time" Lisa countered with a sneer. "And the time before that, and the time before that... shall I keep going?"
Puffing her cheeks out in anger, Jennie walked up to Lisa and stared up at her just mere inches from her mouth.
"You are an arrogant, selfish, immature little girl and you need to grow the fuck up" she snarled.
Bending her face down to her level, Lisa stared back at her, bemused.
"And you're a stuck-up, conceited, egotistical little bitch" she replied. "But you got a sweet ass and a nice rack, so I'll let it slide if you just apologize to me"
Jennie scoffed in disbelief.
"Apologize to you? Are you out of your goddamn mind?"
Without a warning, Lisa swiftly spun them around and pushed Jennie against the nearest wall, pinning her hands by the wrists above her head and dipping her head in the crook of her neck with a harsh bite, eliciting a moan from Jennie.
"Perhaps" she mumbled just below Jennie's ear, making the little hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. "But so are you"
And with that, she flattened her tongue and licked all the way up to Jennie's jawline, leaving a trail of wet kisses back to her ear, where she wrapped her lips around the lobe and sucked on it, making the older woman squirm under her touch and let out a gasp that soon turned into a guttural growl of excitement.
"You like that?" Lisa whispered with a chuckle, sniffing her hair.
"Damn it" Jennie hissed, her breath ragged and fast.
"How about now?" Lisa insisted, this time biting on her neck a bit more harshly.
"That better not leave a mark, Lisa!" Jennie growled with a threatening voice.
"So demanding"
With a chuckle, Lisa picked Jennie up and the latter's legs hooked around her waist – both their sheets falling on the floor, leaving them butt naked once more. With ferocity, they kissed each other as Lisa made her way back into the room, clumsily. It soon became a heated make-out session that wouldn't budge even if it meant they weren't even breathing anymore – the heat radiating off of their bodies too much to bear any longer.
"I fucking hate you" Jennie mumbled in between kisses.
"Feeling's mutual, princess" Lisa said right as they both fell onto the mattress once again.
-
May 31st, 2019 (9:49pm)
The semester was quickly approaching its end, and so was the College Youth Talent season, which was the main event every major University across the country was a part of in their own respective districts. And the location for the most important event, the College Smash, which was the perfect way to begin the summer, would only be revealed on the last Monday of May each year, as per tradition. On that account, it had been made public to every competing University at the beginning of the week that this year's College Smash would take place at the Black Label Metropolitan Garden, which was one of the biggest public auditoriums of the urban area in Seoul.
So, on that Friday night, YGU's We Zaa Cool, along with other clubs and solo contestants who had also made the cut, found themselves in a nightclub celebrating their qualifications to the finals, which were only a month away but, with a few small presentations in between, the stakes were very high.
"Hi"
A cheery voice caught Lisa's attention and she turned around and looked up to see a beautiful tall girl smiling down at her with two drinks in her hand, one which looked to be a pink concoction that she was offering her.
"Don't worry, it's lemonade" the girl with the pretty smile said. "Your friends told me you don't drink"
"Thanks" Lisa said hesitantly as she took the drink and watched the girl take a seat next to her in the booth.
"You don't remember me, do you?"
"Should I?"
Lisa didn't mean to come off as rude, but she was just tired and didn't even want to be at that damn party in the first place, but it was Wonho who had convinced her this would be a great idea to get her mind off of things. With the end of semester approaching, and juggling between rehearsals and her classes, Lisa was stressed beyond herself preparing for final exams and presentations, and hadn't had much time for leisure. All she wanted was to be alone, eat her weight in junk food, watch some cheesy romcom and fall asleep listening to Kehlani's discography.
But the girl in front of her didn't seemed fazed by her apathy, and on the contrary, she only giggled at her response as if she had said the silliest thing ever.
"You really are something else, Lisa Manoban" she said, taking a sip of her drink.
"So, you're not going to tell me your name?"
"Take a guess" she challenged.
Lisa tilted her head to the side and stared at her as if she had grown a second head. What a strange girl.
"Can I get a hint?"
"Remember that party at the alpha nu frat house?" the girl said, casually.
"You're going to have to be more specific than that, sweetheart. It's been too many" Lisa retorted.
The girl shrugged.
"Back in January. The one with the extasy pills and the neon body paint"
Lisa's mouth hung open in an 'o' at the realization, as memories from that night hit her like a ton of bricks in a confusing string of bits and pieces that made no sense whatsoever. The only thing she remembered, though, was waking up in Joy's apartment wearing nothing but her bra and a pair of Nike shorts that didn't belong to her, and the pretty brunette she was entangled with...
"Oh shit"
"So, you do remember me" the girl giggled with a quirked-up eyebrow.
"You're the History major" Lisa said matter-of-factly. "You're a freshman, right?"
"English Literature, but close enough" she replied with a smile. "I'm Jeon Somi, by the way"
"Right. Literature" Lisa laughed nervously and offered her a hand shake. "It's nice to officially meet you, Somi" she added with a cheeky grin.
Somi laughed at her silly antics but shook her hand regardless.
"It's nice to officially meet you, Lisa" she replied.
-
(10:08pm)
"Unnie, we did it. We really did it!" Jennie exclaimed excitedly.
"We couldn't have done it without your help" Jisoo replied with a shit-eating grin. "With the last hearing next week, I'm confident that they will lock that bastard up. No lawyer is good enough to save his disgusting ass from this one."
"Can you believe it's finally over?" Jennie let out as she took a sip of her wine. "After all these months of gathering evidence and digging up old shit, it's finally over. It feels surreal in a way"
Jisoo noticed the glint in her eyes and her gummy smile, and she couldn't help but smile herself at the sight. She knew that look very well.
"You missed it, didn't you?"
Jennie seemed a bit surprised, but she could never hide anything from her cousin. When it came to her facial expressions, Jisoo could read her like a book better than anyone else.
"I did" she admitted with a shy smile. "A lot, actually. Even though Captain Yang can be such a pain in the ass, I still miss getting my hands dirty on the field and seeing things that others don't. It's exhilarating."
Jisoo put her glass of wine down on the coffee table and turned her body to face Jennie completely, crossing her legs in a lotus position on the couch. And with her serious expression and the solid grip on her hand, Jennie knew she meant business.
"So, why don't you go back to it?" she enquired. "I mean it, Jen. You can't let uncle control your life forever; he isn't your boss and you're not a little girl anymore. Sure, you made mistakes in the past, but who hasn't? Stop punishing yourself for what you did when you were just a teenager."
Jennie sighed before turning her face to look at her cousin in the eyes.
"I wish it were that simple"
"But it is!" Jisoo countered, a little too aggressively. "Tell me honestly. Are you happy, Jennie? Is this the life that you want to live?"
"Why does me being a lawyer bother you this much?" Jennie reacted defensively. "I'm getting my PhD and eventually becoming a prosecutor. We've talked about this before"
"No, you've talked about this" Jisoo said pointedly. "I never got to get a word in on any of it. One day you just decided to turn in your gun and badge without giving me a heads-up first or an explanation, and then just expected me to be okay with it. Well guess what, Jendeuk, I'm tired of playing along so I will be brutally honest with you. No, I'm not fucking okay with you throwing away your dreams and your happiness to follow in on the steps of a man who never treated you like a daughter."
"We're not doing this right now" Jennie said getting up from the couch, but Jisoo's firm hold on her hand stalled her.
"Oh no, you don't get to run away from me" she declared. "You might be great at pushing everyone else away – an expert even, but you're not doing this with me, so sit your ass down before I pounce on you."
Grunting, Jennie obliged and braced herself for the lecture.
"When Taehyung called me that night telling me you had left your home with Jiyong, I knew something had gone completely wrong" Jisoo started, her tone caring yet stern at the same time. "We spent an entire year looking for you, and when I finally found out your whereabouts, I couldn't sleep for weeks until he called to say he had found you and you were okay. And when I took you in after you left Jiyong, I knew it would take a lot of patience and loving to put you back on track. To make you trust me and open up, and to help you start the future that you wanted.
You insisted on going to school and getting a law degree, which was totally fine by me because I remember you and Tae talking about becoming spies or whatever when you were kids."
Jennie let out a light laugh at the memory.
"But it always pained me to see the way you treated yourself. How you kept pushing yourself to the limit and acting like if you were nothing but perfect, then you were undeserving of affection. And you always worked your butt off since your freshman year because you wanted to pay off all your debts to Tae and your father, and you never accepted my help because you said you didn't want to owe anyone else more money, even though I would never charge you for it. But I still let you do it.
I let you do all of it because I knew it was your own way of redeeming yourself and I respected that. But what I don't respect is you putting someone else's goals and desires before your own. You never wanted to be a fucking prosecutor – you said yourself that you hated anything remotely similar to what uncle does, but then you went and left the one job you actually loved because he didn't approve of it? So what? Who gives a shit about his approval? He wasn't there!
He didn't stay up late to hear you crying alone in your room every night for a month. He wasn't there to hold your hand the day you signed the divorce papers and you were trembling so hard because you were scared Jiyong would find you. And he certainly wasn't there when you graduated from YGU with honors. He was never there, so why are you still trying to please him?
And it's not just about work either."
"Oh no, not this again" Jennie rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I'm going to fucking say it" Jisoo growled. "Even in your personal life you're still trying to prove him wrong. That you're not a reckless little girl anymore who makes all the wrong decisions and gets together with the wrong people. That's what it is, isn't it?
But tell me, what are you so afraid of? He can't hurt you, he can't disown you or take away your money or your car or anything, because everything you own you bought it. All of it. This whole entire place is paid off on your own blood, sweat and tears, so there really isn't anything he can take away from you that is so valuable you'll be willing to sacrifice your own happiness for.
You've been miserable the last couple of weeks and I don't even have to ask to know who this is about. We've had this conversation far too many times already, yet you can't seem to make up your mind because you're not thinking for yourself; you're still afraid of a man who hasn't done shit for you.
I'm tired of watching you throw away all the happiness you've ever had. It's not worth it, Jendeukie; trust me on this.
You need to stop wasting your words and your merits on a man who doesn't deserve your silence."
Jennie was stunned. For a moment she couldn't find the right words to say and, if things couldn't get any worse, the ding of her phone notifying her of a new text message took her by surprise, but not as much as the person's name displayed on her screen.
"Who is it?" Jisoo asked.
"It's Kai"
-
April 3rd, 2018 (8:15pm)
When the doorbell finally rang, Jennie – who's patience had run out long ago – opened the door to reveal a disheveled Lisa with wet hair, muddy jeans and a fluffy little thing shivering in her arms.
"What in the world happened to you?" she asked, taking in her repulsive appearance.
"I found this little guy stuck in some bushes" Lisa replied, lifting up the dirty brown puppy. "He didn't have a collar or anything, so I'm guessing he's a stray."
"And you couldn't go back to your own place?"
Lisa shrugged.
"Your apartment was way closer" she answered casually, and taking a step forward, but Jennie blocked her way.
"Woah, where do you think you're going?" she stopped her in her tracks. "You're not coming inside looking like that, and you're certainly not bringing that thing into my apartment."
"Come on, princess, stop being so vain for once" Lisa said with a roll of her eyes. "I can't just leave him outside"
"What you do with it is not my goddam problem, Lisa"
"Please?" she insisted. "I can take a shower really quickly and maybe you can join me" she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Jennie rolled her eyes this time, but when she heard the neighbor's door opening, she quickly took Lisa by the shirt and pulled her inside, quickly closing the door to her place.
"Oh my God, Lisa, you stink!" she let out disgusted. "Did you roll around in that thing's shit or what?"
"Such a drama queen" Lisa said. "It's just a little bit of mud"
"Whatever. Go shower before I throw you out the window" Jennie dismissed her, making her way to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of whiskey. "And take that thing with you! It stinks and it looks all matted and gross"
"You got it, boss" Lisa said, making her way to the bathroom with the puppy.
"And you better clean afterwards or I will kill the two of you with a knife!" Jennie yelled out after her.
About twenty-five minutes later, Lisa came out of the bathroom clad in her underwear with the fluffy puppy in her arms, which now looked completely different.
"I think he's a Poodle or something" she said as she walked inside the master bedroom.
"That's a Pomeranian, you dumbass" Jennie corrected her from her spot on the bed.
"Well, excuse me, miss animal planet" Lisa countered sarcastically, as she put the puppy down on the carpet. "I didn't know you were the dog whisperer"
"Whatever" Jennie huffed in annoyance. "Why aren't you wearing clothes anyway?"
"What do you mean?" Lisa asked confused. "Aren't we going to fuck?"
"A. that's a vulgar way to put it" Jennie said. "And b. my mood is all ruined thanks to you and that hairball, so just put something on and go"
"Uh oh"
Jennie's eyebrow quirked up at that and she squinted her eyes at her suspiciously.
"Uh oh, what? What happened now?"
"I think he just marked his territory" Lisa replied, pointing down somewhere.
When Jennie looked down, all the blood rushed to her face turning it crimson with rage.
"No, he didn't mark his fucking territory. Your stupid dog just took a shit on my new carpet!" she yelled out, scaring both Lisa and the dog.
"Eehee?"
But Jennie wasn't amused, and when she got up from her bed in a menacing manner, Lisa yelped in fear and put her arms up in surrender.
"Okay, okay!" she exclaimed. "I'll clean it, just tell me what to do"
"Figure it out yourself" Jennie spat.
"Come on, don't be like that" Lisa pouted. "I don't know anything about dogs"
"Then you should've thought about that before bringing one into my apartment" Jennie countered, picking up the puppy from the floor and walking towards the door to the living room.
"Where are you going?"
"To sit somewhere where it doesn't reek of dog shit" Jennie answered as she walked past her.
"But I don't know how to clean this!"
"Tough luck, asshole. That's not my problem"
It took Lisa about ten minutes to figure out how to pick up dog shit without throwing up, and another fifteen minutes to clean up the carpet and remove the stain completely. By the time she came out the room, she was already dressed in her spare dance clothes she always carried around in her backpack, and she found Jennie on her couch with the puppy snuggled up cozily on her lap.
"I should get going now" Lisa said to make her presence known.
Jennie simply turned to look at her and nodded in acknowledgement.
"He looks comfortable" Lisa commented with a smile, crouching down in front of Jennie to be at eye level with the sleeping puppy. "Hey there, buddy"
"Kuma"
"Kuma?" Lisa repeated, looking up at Jennie in confusion but the latter simply shrugged.
"He looks like a bear" she replied as if it were obvious. "I figured it's a nice name"
Lisa took the hint and smiled.
"Alrighty then" she said, getting up once again. "I'll see you and Kuma tomorrow. Goodnight, Jane"
"Bye" Jennie whispered once Lisa was already gone.
-
June 1st, 2019 (12:24am)
How Lisa ended up in a cab in the middle of the night was beyond herself.
One moment, she was at the club dancing around with her teammates and enjoying a nice conversation with Wonho, teasing Jungkook and Tzuyu who were caught sucking face in a corner near the restrooms, and the next one she was making out with Somi on the dance floor.
However, everything went by in a blur when she pushed Somi off of herself and mumbled a quick apology before leaving the club in a rush, not before letting Bambam know she'd be leaving early. And now there she was: fretting in her seat, unable to contain the anxiety that was building up in her chest from her sudden actions. What was she even supposed to say?
Whatever it was, she didn't have much time to think about it when the taxi parked right outside of the familiar tall building, and she found difficulty in swallowing. And when she paid the driver and jumped out of the car in a hurry, Lisa made her way up the elevators to the floor of the apartment she had grown to know so well and felt so attached to.
But what she wasn't prepared for, however, was for a man to open the door to Jennie's apartment after she rang the bell. It was him. She recognized him immediately, and now standing face to face with him, she felt sick to her stomach.
"Who is it?" Jennie's voice could be heard from behind him and soon her figure appeared next to the tall man. "Lisa?"
"Sorry" Kai said with a charming smile. "I was just going anyway; I'll leave you ladies alone. Goodnight, Jennie" he added with a sweet peck on her cheek.
Nodding at Lisa in acknowledgment, he left the apartment as she stepped inside, closing the door behind her.
"What are you doing here?" Jennie immediately asked, once she was past her initial surprise.
"I came to do this" Lisa said right before forcefully smashing their lips together.
Jennie gasped in surprise, and when she felt Lisa's tongue trying to slither its way inside her mouth, she pushed the younger girl off of her with sheer confusion and anger.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"What was he doing here?" Lisa countered with a question of her own, unable to keep her emotions at bay.
"That's none of your business" Jennie deadpanned.
"I broke up with her" Lisa suddenly said, catching Jennie completely off guard.
"You did what?!"
"I broke up with her" she repeated more calmly, taking a step closer to Jennie and cupping her face in her hands. "I can do this. We can do this"
But Jennie yanked herself away from her.
"Do what exactly?"
"This" Lisa immediately answered, waving a hand between them. "Us. I know you didn't want to be with me knowing I was dating someone else, but I'm not anymore. I should've done this sooner but Jennie, we can be together now."
"Have you lost your mind?" Jennie scoffed. "I never asked you to that!"
"But I did it anyway!" Lisa countered, her voice rising gradually. "I can't keep lying to myself and pretending I don't want this when really, you are all I want. And you shouldn't either"
"You don't know shit, Lisa" Jennie barked back.
"But I do" she retorted pointedly. "And I know you're scared, but we can take this slowly; one step at a time. I promise I won't pressure you but please, just give this a chance. I know you want it as much as I do."
"And what? I should just throw everything away and turn my life upside down to play house with you?" she countered. "I'm an adult, Lisa. I have a job and a reputation to keep, I can't just go reckless because you think it's romantic. That's absurd."
"Stop acting like this isn't what you want. We both know I'm not the only one invested here"
"You're wrong" Jennie simply said. "I think you should go, Lisa"
But just before Jennie could walk around her and open the door, Lisa took her by the wrists forcefully and successfully pulled her into her arms in a tight back hug.
"No, you don't get to do this anymore" she said. "You don't fucking get to decide when I should or shouldn't leave. I'm tired of listening to your bullshit, and I'm tired of you pushing me away all the time. I'm tired of you acting like nothing's wrong one moment, and kicking me out the next one. You don't get to fucking decide for me anymore because I'm done playing games with you, Jennie."
Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, Jennie took ahold of Lisa's cold hands gently in hers and slowly pulled them off of her body. Turning around, she saw the hurt and betrayal in Lisa's eyes and she had to swallow the lump forming in her own throat at the sight.
"I'm not playing games with you either, Lisa" she simply stated. "You and I are through; it's over. We can't do this"
"But why?"
"Cause it's not right" Jennie replied with a soft voice. "You are a free spirit, but I could never be like you. I'm never going to give you what you want, because I'm not whatever it is that you're looking for. I'm sorry if that's disappointing but it's the truth."
Taking one of her small hands in hers, Lisa made Jennie feel the rough pounding of her heart against her chest as she stared deeply into those feline eyes.
"This isn't something I can just run away from and pretend it doesn't exist" she whispered. "I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life –"
"Don't say it" Jennie cut her off with a frown. "Don't you dare fucking it"
"I love you"
"God damnit!" Jennie let out exasperated, taking a step away from the younger girl. "Why do you fucking have to ruin everything?! Can't you just leave me the fuck alone? Please! I'm begging you, Lisa, just go away!"
"But why?!" Lisa let out in a desperate cry, her voice cracking with hopelessness.
"Because I don't love you!" Jennie yelled.
For a moment the room became so quiet you could hear a pin dropping, until Jennie broke the silence once again.
"I don't love you" she repeated, this time softer but in a stern tone of voice. "I never did, and I never will. So please, just go"
"I don't believe you" Lisa tried to argue back, but her voice betrayed her. "I know you, Jennie, and I know you're lying right now"
"I don't give a shit what you think" Jennie spat with venom in her voice. "You know things about me, but you don't know me"
"Then why were you so upset when you saw me with Nayeon? Huh?" she countered, this time regaining some of her confidence. "You wouldn't have rendered me guilty of your own jealousy when I did nothing but try to protect you in the first place."
"Protect me? What the fuck are you even talking about?"
"I know you're scared!" Lisa yelled. "But that's okay, because I am too. Don't you get it, Jennie? This hasn't been easy for me either, but I can't go around any longer pretending I don't love you when all I want is to be with you. You bring back reality."
"I'm not scared of shit, and you're a fucking idiot if you think you know me better than I know myself, Manoban. This isn't Thailand – there are rules here, and people don't just go around breaking them because they feel like it" she said while walking to the door and opening it. "Now leave before I call the cops on you."
Lisa's eyes widened in surprise and she stared at Jennie in disbelief.
"You wouldn't dare"
"You don't want to try me" Jennie snarled. "You will only lose"
"So that's it then?" Lisa asked as she crossed the threshold and stood in the hallway. "I just go?"
"We're done"
Jennie didn't hesitate and she didn't stop to wait for an answer either. Simply slamming the door shut in Lisa's face, she went to her room and cried herself to sleep that night with Kuma snuggling in bed with her.
She couldn't do it. She was a coward and she knew it, but she couldn't dare to reciprocate Lisa's feelings because they were terrifying and she had everything to lose.
She'd rather be alone than risk it all.
-
A/N: next chapter will be the last one and I'm going to take my time writing it because I want it to be perfect for you guys.