"Have you seen Professor Knight, Severus?" Dumbledore asked as breakfast ended and everyone had started toward their classes. He hadn't seen her since last night, but that was none of the headmaster's business. "No, I haven't. Not since our classes last night," Severus lied as he remembered what all had happened yesterday.
"I will watch over your first class, you go and check on her," Dumbledore said, but before Severus could decline, the headmaster was already on his way out. Severus had been trying not to think of Rowan. After their interaction in his classroom, Severus had been ready to finally accept that his feelings were more than just professional. After she had run away last night, Severus had seemed to conclude that she didn't actually want him.
As he approached her office door, he heard her small and beautiful giggles. He quickly hid behind the wall and listened in on the conversation. A part of him knew it was wrong, but the other part of him knew that he was no stranger to doing what was wrong.
"Thank you Zabini. I needed that talk," Rowan said as she engulfed her long time friend in a hug. "Anytime, Ro. I have to get to potions, think you could walk me?" Blaise asked and Severus assumed that Rowan had said yes because soon she had passed him without noticing his presence. So that is why she rejected me, Severus thought. Of course, she was in love with the young Zabini boy. They had always been close, Severus didn't know how he could have missed it.
He walked into his classroom a few moments after Rowan so that it would not be suspicious. "Professor! I was just preparing the amortentia for today. I had been so busy getting it prepared I missed breakfast and-" Severus quickly interrupted her. He couldn't bear to look into her eyes knowing that, not only did she not love him, she loved another. "Silence, Miss Knight," Severus peered over the cauldron to see the perfect pearl liquid. He had taught her well, but that was not the point of today's lesson.
"Can anyone tell me what exactly amortentia is?" Severus asked coldly, turning his back on his assistant. Unfortunately for Severus, only Blaise Zabini had his hand raised. The girl beside him, Millicent Bulstrode, looked pleased that her partner knew the answer. "Yes, Zabini?" Severus offered, trying not to let his feelings get in the way. "Amortentia is the strongest love potion in the wizarding world, although it doesn't create real love. It is supposed to smell like what attracts you most," Blaise explained with his chest puffed out in confidence. Severus visibly scowled at him but continued with his lesson.
"Now, everyone get in a line in an orderly fashion. I will allow you all to describe what you smell," Severus said as he took his place beside the cauldron. He looked over to Rowan, who was looking rather disappointed. "You too, Professor Knight. It is only fair," Severus offered and Rowan quickly went to the back on the line.
After a few students had gone, it was Blaise Zabini's turn. "And you, Mr. Zabini. What is it that you smell?" Severus asked, almost on edge and in fear of his answer. "I smell flowers, something like sweet-peas. And old parchment, along with ink," Blaise said with a small smile. It was just as Severus had expected, that was exactly what he himself smelled. He knew that Blaise, too, was in love with Rowan.
Severus eagerly waited, almost running out of time, until Rowan was at the front of the line. She took a whiff of the intoxicating liquid and her eyes widened. "And? What is it, Rowan?" Zabini asked from his desk, earning a glare from Professor Snape at the use of his informal language. "I smell, leather. Like from the binding of books and something kind of...bitter?" Rowan said, knowing that what she was smelling was the professor that stood next to her.
The two looked into each other's eyes for the first time that day, and Severus noticed that she had dark circles under her eyes. He began to worry if she had been getting enough sleep. Looking away, he cleared his throat. "Class is dismissed. I expect a fourteen-inch paper on the risks of amortentia due this time next week," Severus said as he slid down behind his desk. He watched as Rowan went over to talk to Blaise, and anger panged against his heart.
Could she have been describing the Zabini boy? He hadn't ever sniffed his students, and he doubted that he would ever want to. He would simply ask Rowan after class who the scent reminded her of. "See you later, Professor," Zabini said with a wink before leaving the classroom. Severus jumped at his chance.
"Rowan, may I ask who your amortentia reminded you of?" He blurted, internally cringing at how desperate he sounded. "Well, you never told us what yours smelled like," Rowan countered as she took a seat on the side of his desk. Severus' breath hitched as he saw her robes inch up her leg. "Mine smelled very similar to Mr. Zabini's. Though, I would say she smells more of freesia than a sweet pea plant," He admitted, looking up into her eyes. "You would never forgive me if I told you who my scent reminded me of," Rowan said vaguely as she turned her attention to the arriving students.
"Rowa- Professor Knight," Severus corrected, but she shook her head at him as she took her stance at the front of the classroom. "Welcome!" She said with a bright smile that could make Severus melt. "Today, I have prepared for us amortentia. Now, can anyone tell me what amortentia is?" Rowan looked around and saw that nobody had raised their hand, which she had expected. This class happened to be younger than the ones before and hadn't reached that part of their studies.
Severus was about to complain about their imbecilic behavior, but Rowan quickly spoke before him. "That is perfectly okay! We all need to start somewhere. Now, if you will take out your books and turn to page two-hundred and three. There you will find some information on this particular potion,"
Severus smiled at how kind she was. She didn't seem to care that they didn't know the answer to the question she asked, as long as they got the information she was teaching. Perhaps he could learn something from her after all.
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Severus let Rowan take control over the lessons, which ended up being very beneficial for him. He was able to get caught up on grading. This would mean he would have free time for the first time in years. "I've cleaned up the last of it, Professor. I'll just get heading to the Great Hall," Rowan said but she soon felt a hand wrap gently around her wrist.
"Rowan, who did your amortentia remind you of?" Severus asked as he let go of her wrist and took a step back. Rowan's eyes dropped down to her feet and she shook her head. "I can't, Severus. I can't keep doing this," Rowan said as she took a few steps away from him. "Please," Severus whispered, and Rowan looked up to meet his eyes.
"It's you, Severus. It's been you since I first got here. I know you regret what happened yesterday, and that's why I didn't want to tell you," Rowan said and Severus stood with his jaw on the floor. His gaze fell to the floor in shock. Nothing was said, they stood in silence and tears slowly filled Rowan's eyes. "This is why," She said and ran out of their classroom. She was going to enter the great hall, but when her teary eyes met Juniper's, she knew that she wouldn't be able to hide her emotions. She rushed out into the courtyard, Juniper following close behind her.
"Rowan! Wait up," Juniper called, but Rowan only ran faster. She needed to get away from Hogwarts. Away from him. "Rowan!" Juniper called out again, except this time, Rowan fell onto her knees. This allowed Juniper to catch up, and sit down beside her breaking friend. "Oh, Rowan," Juniper whispered as she watched her friend collapse in front of her. "Do you want me to go and get Millicent?" Juniper offered but Rowan only clutched onto her friend harder. She didn't trust herself to use her words.
"Okay, we'll just stay here then," Juniper said as she rubbed her friend's arm. "Is it something with your family?" Juniper asked as she knew very well about some of Rowan's childhood. If anything, Juniper was one of the only people who Rowan had told some of what had occured. She hadn't even told her other friends. Rowan only shook her head, leaving Juniper guessing at what had happened. "Is it Snape?" She asked, this time with less confidence. Rowan nodded and cried harder into her own sleeve. Juniper tensed up in anger. "I will hex him, Rowan. Do you want me to hex him? I am so willing to get kissed by a dementor over this. Just give me the word and I will cru-"
"Juniper," Rowan said weakly and Juniper apologized sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I'm getting carried away again, aren't I?" Juniper chuckled and soon, Rowan joined in weakly. "There's my Rowan. What happened?" Juniper asked as she turned to face her friend, who was starting to recover. "I told him that I smelled him in my amortentia, and he just stood there. I knew he didn't feel the same," Rowan explained, her tears threatening to start pouring again. She hated her friend seeing her like this, and she knew that crying over something so stupid was not normal for her. She didn't care, though. She couldn't help it anymore.
"Rowan, did he tell you what he smelled?" Juniper asked, trying her best to keep her calm. "He said it was similar to what Blaise smelled, but Blaise is attracted to every girl within twenty miles of here! How is that supposed to make it better?" Rowan exclaimed, sobbing quietly. Juniper took a deep breath and shook her head. "That man doesn't know what he is losing, Rowan. Come back to dinner. You can sit with us, like old times," Juniper offered and Rowan nodded weakly.
The pair entered the Great Hall, Rowan obviously still very upset. Her eyes were red and her face had become blotchy. Still, she walked as if nothing had happened and sat down in her old spot at the Slytherin table. This earned some odd looks, but everyone eventually went back to their dinner.
"Woah. Rowan, what the hell happened?" Blaise asked, earning Millicent's attention as well. Juniper quickly explained the situation, as Rowan didn't trust herself to. "I will kill him, Rowan," Millicent said as she threw nasty looks up at the staff table. "No, there's no need. He simply wants to keep it professional and that is what I will do,"
Blaise looked up at the staff table and saw that Professor Snape was staring down regretfully at Rowan. Blaise recognized that look, and while he didn't want to, he sighed and nodded toward him. "That's not the look of a professional," Blaise knew that he loved Rowan, but he also knew that he could never love her as the potions professor did. Though, he would still try with everything within him; when the time was right. Rowan turned, tears still in her eyes, and met Severus'. He seemed to gasp at the sight of her. "I need to get out of here," Rowan mumbled and she stood up and ran out of the hall. Her three best friends, as well as the potions professor, all chased after her.
Rowan had only stopped running when she reached her office. She quickly ushered her friends inside and locked the door behind her. When Severus had finally reached her, he knew that he was too late. With a sigh, he retired to his own quarters. She was so far away, surely he had scared her off now.
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With a slow stride, Severus reached the all too familiar fireplace that held the picture of Lily and himself. "If you were here, surely you would be yelling at me," He said as he picked up the photo and gently placed it into a trash bin on the other side of the room. "Goodbye, Lily. It's time,"
With that, Severus found himself back in the shower where he tried to get his mind off of things. He wished he had said something when Rowan had confessed it had been him that she had smelled in her amortentia. He had just been shocked that she had held this secret for so long. No matter how hard he tried, the image of her bloodshot eyes had been glued into his brain. He had never meant to hurt her.
All this time, he had thought she had been the one who had been rejecting him. He hadn't stopped to think that it was he who had been rejecting her. The time he walked away when they had almost kissed, and when he asked her to stay quiet about it. He had been thinking about his reputation, not her feelings. He had been so selfish without even realizing it. How was he supposed to fix this? He didn't know if he could.
The last time he had hurt someone had been when he called Lily a mudblood, something he never truly forgave himself for. It wasn't that blood status had mattered to him, it was just that he had been embarrassed. He was simply immature, and that was the only excuse he would ever have for how he reacted.
He would make it different with Rowan, he just couldn't figure out what to do. He could apologize, but that wouldn't do much to mend her broken heart. Severus stepped out of his shower and dried off, before slipping into black sweatpants and a black t-shirt.
With a loud sigh, he sat down on the edge of his bed. "What am I going to do?" He asked aloud, running his fingers through his wet hair. "Well, you can start by apologizing," A voice that spoke startled Severus, but when he turned around, he relaxed. "Albus, what have I told you about knocking?" He said in an irritated tone.
"Severus, are you finally ready to talk about your feelings?" The old man asked as he took a seat on Severus' black leather-bound couch. "I don't-"
"Severus. We both know the truth, and it is okay to tell it. I will ask again, are you ready?" Dumbledore seemed to be getting impatient with his friend, but his voice hadn't seemed to hold any venom. Sighing, Severus nodded. "I am,"