The Archivist's All-knowing Almanac
  • Reads 132
  • Votes 25
  • Parts 20
  • Time 3h 40m
  • Reads 132
  • Votes 25
  • Parts 20
  • Time 3h 40m
Ongoing, First published Sep 21
4 new parts
There's nothing more dangerous than a book, especially in the wrong hands. And, in this world of magic, wars and an alarming number of self-serving, gratuitously selfish people, there are a lot of wrong hands to take advantage.

When the world's foremost mage, Anpound Pudbatter (fresh from a magical accident that had turned him back into a teenager with all the associated raging hormones) meets Gammer Goodhiding, the world's most polite, yet indefinably terrifying witch, and Bindi, a Druid who almost has a filthy mouth, they come together to search for an object that could very well spell the end of the world as they know it. Or change it in ways they cannot imagine.

From the intermittently high Mount Pintel, to the vast, unending Library, to the indeterminately located city of Lost Vagueness, where hope, and Coin, go to wallow in despair, to the world's most important, prominent, and tiniest city, the three of them must follow the magical chaos wrought by the presence of the book. And with warlords bent on conquest, thieves out for a quick score and a djinn with a mischievous attention to detail in the way, things may not go quite according to plan.

And what, exactly, is the origin of the book? Only The Archivist's All-knowing Almanac knows for sure.

A love-letter to the works of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams.

[Cover created in Canva, using an AI generated image and text from Logokit]
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Scarred from the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter Fan Fiction Retelling)

19 parts Complete

Fifth-grader turned wizard celeb Harry Potter must uncover the mystery of the Sorcerer's Stone and thwart those who seek it, but this time, he's armed with the most unusual allies. This is your chance to return to Hogwarts! 'Scarred from the Sorcerer's Stone' is a hilarious twist in this side-splitting parody of 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.' Journey back to Hogwarts (we all want to) for a wildly humorous retelling of Harry Potter's first year. This isn't your typical magical adventure-get ready for a laugh-out-loud Hogwarts Express ride filled with quirky characters, unexpected personalities, and a whole lot of chaos. Ron Weasley can't decide if his freckles are actually chicken pox, making every day a hypochondriac's nightmare. Hermione Granger's know-it-all attitude has reached new heights, convinced that everyone around her is a complete idiot. Meanwhile, Dumbledore, with his memory slipping and forgetting his medication, offers wisdom that's as bewildering as it is amusing. And that's just the beginning. Laugh along with minor characters brought to the forefront like Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil as they plot against Padma Patil for the ultimate betrayal: being sorted into a different House. Rediscover Hogwarts like never before, where the familiar meets the fantastically funny, and every page is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face. Join Harry and his hilariously dysfunctional friends in these 18 chapters (plus one subscriber-exclusive chapter) as they navigate magic, mayhem, and misadventures in 'Scarred from the Sorcerer's Stone.' Only die hard fans will recognize the deep cut references and foreshadowing. Get ready for a magical journey filled with brain freeze potions, Adele music, and a whole lot of fun that's just so Wingardium Leviosity! This is a fan fiction parody retelling of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling, written for non-commercial use. Drop a 🪄 (wand) in the comments if you love the new story!