It Could Be More | ✔

12. Mild Disinterest

Justin Yoon sat in front of me during Biology. Ms. DuPree talked about molecular genetics, clicking between slides on the projector that we were supposed to be writing notes for. The lights were low and she had her back to the class most of the time. That meant everyone had out their phones.

Mine rested on my thigh under the desk. Liah was on the other side of the room due to an unfortunate seating chart. Ms. Dupree assigned seats based on the color of our shirts on the first day. It was weird, but so was our teacher.

ASK HIM!!!, Liah's message read. 

Class was almost over, and I still hadn't worked up the nerve to say anything to Justin. What if he turned out to be another Dameon? Or scared of my brother like Travis. What if he wasn't interested in me? Rejection would kill me right now.

My leg started bouncing without me noticing, sending my phone falling from my lap, sliding right under Justin's desk. Really? A few people glanced back at the sudden noise. Ms. DuPree stopped teaching. "What was that?"

Justin grabbed my phone from the floor, hiding it. "Calculator fell out my bag."

The woman eyed him. She wasn't buying it. If she took my phone, I wouldn't get it back until after school. I wasn't addicted to my phone, but the idea of it being in someone else's possession made me queasy. What if they figured out my pass code and found the pictures I took of Liah's boyfriend list?

But the teacher simply hmphed and turned back to the projector screen, clicking through to the next slide. I sank into my chair, relieved.

Justin handed my phone back on the low. I immediately made sure the screen wasn't cracked. Thank God it wasn't. "Thanks," I whispered to Justin.

"Yeah," he said over his shoulder.

I caught Liah's eye. Hers were like saucers and I knew she was yelling at me to say something to him.

My stomach was tight with nerves. Whose idea was this again? People always say that the worst thing someone could say is "no", as if that wasn't the absolute most terrifying word in this situation. Being rejected meant there'd be someone walking around knowing I liked them. It meant me walking around knowing that the person didn't like me back. Living with a what if sounded a million times better than living with rejection.

Then the lunch bell rang. I'd never been happier to hear that shrill sound.

• • •

"There's still two guys on the list." Liah and I sat at our usual lunch table, eating our chicken sandwiches and fries.

She'd been trying to cheer me up since we left class. How could I tell her Justin wasn't the problem? It was me. It was easy talking to guys when my sole purpose was to defy Gray, but my brother and I had been talking more lately.

After our conversation about Mom and Hudson, we moved on to other topics. He told me about his roommate, Allister, who snuck a bunny into the room that they named Bugs. Or maybe his roommate was Bugs and the bunny was Allister?

He also mentioned that there was always a party happening somewhere on campus. When I asked if he went to any, he said that Bugs couldn't be left alone. Which was worrisome. Why wasn't he making more of an effort to make friend there? I wanted to ask him why he didn't go out, but was afraid he'd get all defensive like before. We were on good terms at the moment. I didn't want to mess things up.

That also meant the dates were for me. The stakes were higher. Things were getting serious. I couldn't put myself out there when I actually cared about the outcome.

"Please tell me that wasn't your idea of flirting." Corey joined us at the table, sitting next to me.

Something inside my chest jump started. A few days ago, after I told him I'd leave him alone, I thought that'd be the last time we'd talked. He said he was looking forward to no longer talking to me. And, until that moment, we hadn't. Yet there he was.