Virgin Lips

30. Do it like the French

"What is it then?" I asked, more and more confused. Ben spent the past 10 minutes pacing the living room, sighing and cursing under his breath. I was getting worried because I've never seen him so antsy. "Ben, come on, it can't be so bad." I tried to pacify, but nothing, he went on sighing and pacing and muttering curses. "Ben ..."

"I don't know how to say it!" He blurted out in a short breath, finally stopping and turning to me. "Hell, Joanna, I don't even know how to look at you."

I gulped. "What ... what do you mean?"

Ben growled, covering his face with his hands. "I lied! Okay? I lied." He yelled in his hands, his voice therefore muffled.

I blinked my eyes, marveled. "Lied about what?" I almost chuckled, because, come on, what could Ben possibly lie about? His eating preferences? Or maybe he's not really a Slytherin, just a closet Gryffindor? But hey, maybe I was right and he's really a secret agent. I could barely hide the laugh as the last thought crossed my mind. Ben a secret agent. How crazy I was to think that. And how much I've changed since we met, even though it was only a few months ago.

"It wasn't meant maliciously, okay?" Ben went on, now looking at me, which made me a bit anxious, causing me to lose my good humor.

"What wasn't?"

"I ..." and there he goes again, sighing.

"Ben, at some point you'll have to spill the beans, come one. It can't really be as bad as you think." I kind of spat, frustrated. It started off as somewhat funny, but the confusion was making me anxious.

"But it is." He corrected, head hanging low, shoulders deflated, as if he'd given up on finding the right words to say. "It's as bad as you could possibly imagine."

"What, you're secretly a murderer? Or a stalker?" I try to light up the mood, but Ben's lips barely twitched in what was the vague resemblance of a smile.

"You remember what I told you when we met?"

I rolled my eyes. "Ben, you told me so many things altogether the first days, you need to be more specific."

"About ..." he swallowed, "who am I ..."

I frowned, but didn't say anything, hoping he would go on without as much of a fuss. However, I was starting to feel this talk was going to go in the wrong direction. I guess it figures. Like I said, when things starting going well in my life, something bad hides in a corner to ambush me.

"I am ... Joanna, I am not-"

"SURPRISE!!!"

Oh, come on, not now. I sighed at the two blonde hurricanes that just irrupted in my living room, obviously half drunk. I should have expected it, it's Sunday.

But I wasn't gonna let Ben off the hook. "Hey, girls." I smiled, standing up. "You know where's everything," I told them, well aware that they – especially Faith – were after more alcohol. "We'll be back shortly," I said, grabbing Ben's arm. I ignored their puzzled looks, and dragged Ben outside the apartment, determined to get this appalling truth out of him, one way or the other.

Once we were out, I carefully closed the door, and dragged Ben a bit closer to his apartment, because I know Faith loves eavesdropping. I didn't really have much time, Jeremy said he'd come over after the dinner with his parents – a tradition for them on Sundays, but he skipped the past few because we were together. It's like Ben picked the worst time possible to confess his unspeakable truth, with the whole world against him. If I was a superstitious type, I'd have thought the universe was sending us signals, telling us not mess with fate by unraveling truths that are supposed to remain hidden.