the need of killing myself

chapter 1: her hobby?

can you do something that can kill you just to make you live?
reiteratively?

because I do,
every single night.
-Zaeyl

I live in an isolated area in front an old abandoned hospital.
I don't know why people avoid going to places like where I live now. well maybe because they are scared about the hospital. or the cemetery at the back of the hospital or because a dead body is found 1km away from here. I mean it's a long way from here.

I bought this house for 2 million pesos and it's cheap, considering that it is fully furnished. a hectare and a half (whole lot), around 5,000 sq. meters is allotted for the house. it's big ya know. two floors with rooftop (3rd floor I guess hahha) 9 bedrooms (1 master's bed room, 4 big rooms but the first one is bigger, 4 guest rooms which are smaller but not that small), 2 living rooms, one big empty room, two bigger empty room, a library within 10 book shelf without books , a kitchen (also big), dinning room (big) rooftop swimming pool(without water), comfort rooms for master's bedroom, 'just' bedrooms, guest room, one near the kitchen and one near the living room at the first floor.

one guest room is at the first floor so is the kitchen , dinning room, one living room, comfort rooms and one big empty room (not the bigger one. 'just' the big one.

second floor is where the rest of the rooms are found

rooftop: pool without water, some bench and some plants that are about to die, I think.

i'm by the way a half Filipina half British.
no parents with me, dead.
no friends, too complicated (high maintenance)
no boy friend(s) ( higher maintenance)

my life is perfect (srsly??!!)
no.

*beeep beeep beeep*

oh time to sleep
i'm done na din naman sa paglilinis
it took me 3 days to clean and organize.
I don't like mess that's why I don't like people.
I don't like dirt, not being 'maarte' just hygienic.
I don't like noise, just silence.

ohh I reached my room already.
di ko namalayan, nagkukwento kasi ako.
parang baliw lang?
wala akong kausap. (ay ikaw pala)
no choice lang ako.

I grabbed my personalized dagger and made my way to the king size bed in the master's bedroom of course.
there's nothing much here.
just the bed, two bed side tables and lava lamps for each (bought them earlier) a chandelier (smaller version of the one in the living room first floor. actually parang connected ang dalawang living rooms kasi parang may balcony ung 2nd living room sa 2nd floor kaya kita ang first floor.)di naman luma itong house kaya modern ang design, one year palang daw kasi ito tapos aboard ang may ari tapos nagpapdala lang ng pera para sa bahay tapos nung umuwi daw dito, natakot daw kaya pinabenta, inabot ng isang taon"
so wala pa talagang nakatira dito.
maganda pa ang lahat.

may sofa na mahaba, black
parang mini receiving area kasi may center table tapos yon agad ang makikita mo pagpasok ng room.

lakad ka tapos bed na
may dalawang door, isa ung CR, isa ung walk in closet

dahil kailangan ko nang matulog
humiga na ako sa bed na dati ay white ang sheets na nagcocontradict sa black na kamagong king size bed. ngayon ay black na din

lahat na ata black maliban sa lava lamp na red at tiles na white
ang walls ay gradient black to grey na nag match sa grey ceiling na may silver colored Chandelier.

I held the blanket up to my waist and held the dagger near my wrist.

I slashed my pale wrist as I felt a sudden rush of sleepiness invade my whole body.

with my last drop of strength, I placed my expensive dagger on the bed side table and fix myself to sleep.
I watched the blood rush out of my bloody wrist. oh I think i'll die tonight.
well i hope so.

i'll tell you the next thing about me next time.

i'm sure there is a next time.
it's always like that.
death never like me :(

so good night na.
my personalized sleeping technique is working.
my vision is blurry so I focused my attention at the fact that the chandelier have many crystals that I would like to count sometime.

nyt love

~~~~~~~~~
a'n
how was it?? :D
short? yes?
well sorry, I broke my netbook so i'll be using my phone for all the things I would like to do including the typing parts :(

i'll make it up to you (who ever you are, if there are someone hahaha) somehow.

sorry also of there are grammatical errors, typographical errors and such.
i'm not a pro. :T

love lots :*