The Pastor's Daughter

Chapter Nine

When I was seventeen, my life changed forever.

As I walk the streets of Charlo ten years later, thinking back on that year of my life, I remember everything as clearly as if it were all still unfolding before my very eyes.

I remember Hayley saying yes to my breathless question and how we began to cry together. I remember talking to both Pastor Kruger and my parents, explaining to them what I needed to do. They thought I was doing it only for her, and all three of them tried to talk me out of it. What they didn't understand - and what i had to make clear to them - was that I needed to do it for me.

I was in love with her, so deeply in love that I didn't care if she was sick. I didn't care if we wouldn't have long together. All I cared about was doing something my heart told me was the right thing to do. In my mind it was the first time father God had ever directly spoken to me, and I knew with certainty that I wasn't going to disobey. 

I know that some of you may wonder if I did it because she'd be gone soon anyway and I wasn't committing much. The answer to both questions is no. I would've married Hayley Kruger if the miracle I was praying for suddenly came true. I knew it the moment I had asked her, and still know it today.

Hayley was more than just the woman I loved. In that year she helped me become the man I am today. With her steady hand she showed me how important it was to help others; with her patience and kindness she showed me what life really is about. Her cheerfulness and optimism, even in times of sickness, was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed.

We were married by Brixton in the Baptist church, my dad standing besides me as the best man. That was another thing she did.

In South Africa, It's tradition to have your father besides you, but for me it's a tradition that wouldn't have had much meaning before Hayley came into my life. Hayley had brought my father and me together again; somehow she'd also managed to heal some of the wounds between our two families. After learning what he'd done for me and Hayley, I knew that in the end my dad was someone I could always count on, and our relationship grew steadily stronger as the years passed.

Hayley had also taught me the value of forgiveness and the transforming power that it offers. I realised this the day that Siya and Bronwyn had come to her house. Hayley held no grudges, Hayley led her life the way the bible taught.

Hayley was not only the angel who saved Anthony Andrews, she was the angel who saved us all.

Just as she'd wanted, the church was bursting with people. There were over 200 people inside, and more than that waited outside the doors as we were getting married on March the twentieth. I saw everyone I knew - Miss Gerber, Siya, Bronwyn, Kyle, Zinzi, Lunga and even Lunga's Grandmother - and there wasn't a dry eye in the house when the entrance music began. Although Hayley hadn't moved from her bed in two weeks, she insisted on walking down the aisle so that her father could give her away.

"It's very important to me Ryan," she'd said. "It's part of my dream, remember?" Though I assumed it would be impossible, I simply nodded.

I couldn't help but wonder at her faith.

I knew she had planned on wearing the white dress she'd worn in the play, though it would hang loosely than it did before.

While I was wondering how she would look in the dress, my dad laid his hands on my shoulder as we stood before the congregation.

"I'm proud of you. Son."

I nodded.

"I'm proud of you too, Dad." It was the first time I'd ever said those words to him.

My mom was in the front row, dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief when the wedding march began. The doors opened, and I saw Hayley, seated in her wheelchair, a nurse by her side with all the strength she had left, Hayley stood shakily as her father supported her. Then Hayley and Brixton slowly made their way down the aisle as everyone in church sat silently in wonder. Halfway down the aisle Hayley suddenly seemed to tire, and they stopped while Hayley caught her breath. Her eyes closed, and for a moment I didn't think she could go on. But finally she nodded slightly, and they started moving again. As they did so, I felt my heart surge with pride.

It was, I remember, thinking, the most difficult walk anyone ever had to make.

The nurse had rolled her wheelchair upfront as Hayley and her father made their way towards me. When she finally reached my side, there were gasps of joy and everyone began to to clap. The nurse rolled the wheelchair into position, and Hayley sat down again, spent. With a smile I lowered myself onto my knees so that I could be level with her. My dad did the same.

Brixton, after kissing her daughter on the cheek retrieved his bible and began the ceremony. All business now, he seemed to have abandoned his role as Hayley's father to something more distant, where he could keep his emotions in check. Yet I could see him struggling. He perched his glasses on his nose and opened the bible, then looked at us. From this position Brixton towered over us, and I could tell that he hadn't anticipated our being so much lower. For a moment he stood before us, almost confused, then, surprisingly, decided to kneel down as  well. Hayley smiled and reached for his free hand, then reached for mine, linking us together. Brixton began the ceremony in the traditional way, then read the passage in the bible that Hayley had once pointed out to me. 

Knowing how weak she was, I thought he would have us recite our vows right away, but once more Brixton surprised me. He cleared his throat, and his voice rose high enough so everyone could hear it. This is what he said:

"As a father, I'm supposed to give away my daughter, but I'm not sure that's I'm able to do this."

The congregation went silent, and Brixton nodded at me, willing me to be patient. Hayley squeezed my hand in support.

"I can no more give Hayley away than I can give away my heart, But what I can do is let another share in the joy that she has always given me. May father God's blessings be with you both"

It was then that he set the bible aside. He reached out, offering his hand to mine, and I took it, completing the circle.

With that, he led through our vows. My father handed me the ring my mom helped pick out, and Hayley gave me one as well. We slipped them on our fingers. Brixton watched us as we did so, and we where finally ready, he pronounced us Husband and Wife. I kissed Hayley softly as my mom began to cry. Then I held her hand in mine. In front of father God and everyone else. I promised my love and devotion, in sickness and in health, and I'd never felt so good about anything.

It was, I remember, the most wonderful moment of my life.

It is now ten year's later, and I still remember everything from that day. I may be older and wiser, I  may have lived another life since then, but I know that when my time comes, the memories of that day will be the final images that float through my mind. I still love her, you see, and I've never removed my ring. In all these years, I've never felt the desire to do so.