We've Met Before

23 - Newton

KAIA

I tug my hands into my hoodie pocket, trying to warm them from the glacial cold inside the school building. I wish they turned the heater on sometimes, even if just for a few seconds.
    I couldn't bring myself to do it.
    I arrived on Tuesday, ready to take on whatever the world had for me, but unfortunately, I fell short. I sat inside the school bathrooms for the entirety of lunch, counting floor tiles like you count sheep.
    And today, Wednesday, I plan on repeating the process once again. Nobody has really talked to me outside of Cade since Friday, but what else could I really expect.
    Jane called, only to ask me where I was yesterday. I laughed and told her I had work to do in the library, seething the lie through my teeth.
    I feel guilty for lying, but maybe lying is okay.
    If there's one thing I learned through this shit show, it's that I can't be accountable for everyone around me, rather just simply for myself.
    I saw Elliot in the halls, and we made eye contact before he immediately turned around and ran the other way.
    I've been mulling a lot of things over, just thinking.
    Big surprise.
    I have a bad feeling about something, and I pray to whatever god exists that I'm wrong. I wish in every star, and bid my luck on every four leaf clover, that it's all a figment of my imagination.
    But what if it isn't?
    What if I'm right?
    What would I even do if I'm right.
    It all started with my bathroom silence. There's not much to do but think when you're stuck inside a bathroom stall by yourself for thirty minutes.
    I recounted all the things said and done in the last two weeks, maybe even three, and I realized something that made my blood go cold. My skin tingled and brought a new sensation into my body.
    It's almost like fear, sadness, and maybe anger, all mixed together into one single feeling.
    The day after I came back from the party, there was only one person who called me after I was drugged.
Gabby.
I didn't notice it at the time, but how the hell did she know what happened?
The only people who knew about the situation were Cade and Dahlia.
    Unless, a third party knew about it, but the only way this could've happened is if this someone was involved in the first place.
    It makes perfect logistical sense. The pieces fit together, but I don't want to believe it.
    I've held this girl while she was sobbing about her ex boyfriend. I've listened to her, and comforted her when I knew nobody else would.
    And, in the case she was the one who drugged me, why would she leave me untouched? Was it a flaw of her plan? Did something fumble and she was forced to see me pass out in the car if someone else.
    Bile rises in my throat thinking about it.
    Why would she even do something like that to me?
    Have I hurt her unintentionally? Have my constant precautions to keep those around me unharmed fail?
    I dig my hands out of my pockets, digging them into my head.
    "Dude, I can feel your energy from my stall, and it's like, so not tight." The girl from the stall next to me slips her joint under the stall once again, holding it a little longer than last time.
    I stare at it for a few seconds.
    Fuck it.
    I grab the small brown roll, placing it between my pointer and thumb, and to my lips. I inhale, feeling the warm herbs filter through my lungs. I breathe out, coughing a bit, but still alive.
    I pass it back to her, leaning against the partition between us.
    "What do you do if you think one of your friends drugged you at a party?"
    She snorts, her lazy voice humming. "Hm. I think I'd burn her house down or something. Real energy vacuum, but sometimes you have to drain your own energy to know you'll regain it back, dude."
    What is she talking about?
    "What do you mean?" I ask, intrigued at what she has to say.
    "Look, think of it this way. You seem to be balancing between starting conflict, or absorbing it on your own, right?"
    "Mhm."
    "Okay, well, that energy is going to be released regardless, whether you want it to or not. Didn't one of these like physics fucktards say something about what goes up must go down, think of it as that bullshit. Would you rather it go up and land on your head, or would you rather simply let it fall where gravity was guiding it anyways?"
    I stare at the toilet paper holder.
    Her voice quips again. "Do you want to come into my stall?"
    Do I?
    You're socially starved Kaia, yes, you do.
    I crawl under the stall, dragging my backpack along with me. I prop myself against my knees and finally arrive on the other side, looking up from my spot.
    Staring back at me is a girl with butterfly locs, and a blue and black flannel with mom jeans.
    She smiles at me, her smiley piercing revealing above her teeth.
    "You got one hell of a story to tell me, blondie."
——
    I lean back against the door, sighing. "And here I am."
    She says nothing, taking another hit of her joint.
    It feels nice to decompress. I haven't told anyone the full story in such detail. I dotted the i's and crossed the t's. I'm a changed woman, free from any and all judgement from the other woman in front of me.
     "All your friends sound like shit. No wonder your aura is so bleak," she laughs, her eyes slightly pink, but still functional.
     I pick at my nails, trying to distract myself from the question. "They aren't that bad. I don't think. They all have their slight flaws, but don't we all?"
    "Those aren't flaws, those are people who do nothing but drain you. You think I'm fucking around but," she places the joint to her mouth, inhaling, "this energy shit is real. You feel your best around people who build you."
    My mind immediately flows to Cade. The happiness I feel when I'm around him is the best feeling in the world. Sometimes I think that if I tell him the things I think, and feel, and experience, that maybe I'll end up draining him.
     "What if you're like an energy sucker, like some sort of energy vampire?" She passes me the joint, which I happily take. I've never smoked weed in my life before.
    "Depends. How do you think you're draining people?"
    "Sometimes, I just feel like I hold a burden I don't want others to hold. The boy I told you about; he seems to want to hold my worries in his hands and carry them for me, but how am I supposed to let him do that? I don't even want a fly to touch him."
    The smoke lingers through the stall, heating the small enclosure slightly. Occasionally the staff will enter the bathroom, knowing that stuff like this happens all the time.
    Keeps me a bit on edge, but I like it.
    "Think about it this way —do you let him lean on you for his own problems?"
His dad. "Yes."
     "Does it feel like a burden to you?"
No, it feels nice to know he trusts me. "No."
     "Then babe, what makes you think he's any different. What goes up,"
     I finish her sentence. "Must come down."
     She nods, her raspy voice continuing. "You're only making things harder for yourself, and the people who want to help you. You seem like such a cool girl, stop letting yourself get dragged by the vultures."
    I laugh, and she does too. Our laughter flows like the smoke in the stall, floating above us like a cute poem, or a sunny day.
    I like her.
——
    I roam around the halls during passing period, trying to avoid arriving to class too early.
    I wonder what Cade is doing right now. Probably with his football buddies, joking around and wallowing in their popularity.
    He's such a jock.
    I turn the corner and bump into a brunette figure. I look up and see Elliot, his reading glasses falling onto the floor. I lean down and pick them up.
    He tries lunging for them quickly, hurried to move away from my presence.
    "Woah! Not so fucking fast."
    He purses his lips, pushing his hands deep inside the pockets of his jeans.
    "Where have you been?" I ask, holding the glasses at arms length.
    "I can't talk. I have class, and so do you."
    "Yes, I know my schedule pretty well. Answer the question. We can be late for all I care."
    He rolls his eyes, staring at the wall, the floor, the lights, his shoes, my shoes, my shirt, his sleeves—anything that isn't me.
    "Give me my glasses, and leave this alone, Kaia." His tone becomes dangerous, more of a threat than a simple comment.
    I don't want to keep pushing him, because I won't be able to do anything against him if he does, but I need answers.
     I haven't seen him since the party, and worse comes to worst, he's just as guilty as Gabby might be.
     "No. What happened the night of the party, Elliot? Did you know that I don't remember anything from that night? That I scour my brain for any sort of fucking memory of those 12 hours, and I can't seem to recollect anything?"
     He clicks his teeth with his tongue. "Maybe, you don't want fucking answers."
    I watch as sweet Elliot turns into something entirely different. This Elliot stares back at me with an expression I can't decipher. This Elliot seems perfectly capable of what happened to me at the twin's party.
    I back away, heading towards the other side of the hall. He doesn't stop, he follows.
    I pick up my pace, realizing exactly what happened that night, or at least a vague recollection of it. My feet begin to slightly jog, trying to keep a safe distance between Elliot and I.
    The halls are now empty, passing period already ended. It's just me and Elliot. If I were to scream, some classroom would hear me right?
    I'm not that invisible?
    He chuckles behind me. "I told Gabby that it would catch up with us. Stupid bitch didn't let me finish what I needed to do."
    My eyes widen in fear, but I don't let him see it. I stare straight ahead, running to wherever my feet can take me in this school. I'm a couple halls away from my own class, plus tardy —a bad look.
    I reach the end of the gym halls. A dead end.
    Elliot comes closer and closer, minutes between each step. His agonizing speed makes me feel heavy, my legs tied impossibly tight against the floor.
    He finally reaches me, dragging a finger along my hair. My hands shake at my sides, the glasses falling on the floor with a small sound following.
    His hot breath grazes my face, a monster I can't seem to recognize in front of me.
    This was never Elliot. This can't be Elliot.
    "I had you this close that night. I could feel your skin under mine."
    Disgust revels in my body at the thought. His fingers move onto my face, his claws scaling up and down my cheek.
    I keep my eyes closed, trembling from the pressure. If I open them, a tear will flow out, and I can't let him know I'm scared. I'm done for if he can smell the fear off me.
    Sharks can smell blood from miles away.
    "Did you know she knocked me out that night? Who knew Gabby had it in her. Fucking up her own plans."
    What the hell is he talking about?
    His hand moves from my cheek to my throat, his fingers squeezing lightly at it, a couple decibels of strength away from choking me completely.
    I can't take him on. I don't have the strength to do it, but I'm obviously encircled.
    His hands move from my throat down to my chest, barely touching the top of my breasts. My breath is heavy, and my chest is heaving against his palm. He must know how terrified I am. He must know what I'm thinking of right now, all the possibilities of what he could fucking do to me making me shake like an earthquake.
    Yet, he doesn't stop.
    He doesn't care.
    "I've always thought you were prettier than Jane and Jennifer, even though you all look somewhat alike. Your face is softer, a little rounder, a little more naive. I like how quiet you are, how unresponsive you can be."
    "Let me go, Elliot," I mumble, keeping my voice as controlled as it can possibly be. I'm about to pass out from the fear. I'm about to give up.
    "I don't think so—"
    A fist flies through the air, connecting directly with Elliot's jaw. Elliot's body is shoved off me, and thrown on the floor, the perpetrator's body straddling him to the ground as he throws punches repeatedly at his head.
    "What the fuck did I say about getting lost?" Punch. "Did you not hear her either?" Punch. "Are you fucking deaf?" Punch. "I'll rip every single finger that touched her, and mail it to your fucking mother." Punch.
    There's a crack, and a couple of thumps before I finally decide to intervene.
    "Cade, c'mon! Get off of him! You're going to kill him and that's going to be bad for all of us." I tug at Cade's shoulder, trying to hold his arms back, but it's useless.
    Elliot's face is splattered with blood, the red liquid oozing down his chin and onto his shirt. Cade is operating like a machine, throwing punch after punch like he's being instructed to by some higher power. It's not anger that's written on it's face, it's wrath.
    Its a violent phenomenon to behold.
    I've seen Cade when he's cocky, and when he's sad. I've seen Cade when he's happy, and when he's frustrated, but never before have I witnessed what I'm seeing right now.
    The blood, the noises, the slight groans from Elliot every couple of seconds.
    It's cruel.
    I grasp at straws as I continue shouting at him, hassling at his back, and arms, and shoulders.
    "Cade! Holy shit. Cade!" I grab his hair, digging my nails slightly into his scalp. He pauses, slowing down his movements, someone pressing his off button.
    He stares down at Elliot, and then at his bloodied hands. He turns to his side, facing me. His face falls, breaks into a million pieces. His blonde hair mats around his face, framing it as beautifully as it always does.
    I kneel down beside him, grabbing his face between my hands.
    He looks so young right now. He looks like a little boy, scared, and helpless. The same face he makes when he visits his dad, or when he looks at his mom gardening alone.
    "Breathe with me okay?"
    I start counting.
    "1...," he inhales with me, his hands holding onto my waist for dead life. "2...," I rub my thumb across his cheek, feeling for any of the warmth I know he has. "3...," he exhales one last time, closing his eyes and closing his forehead on mine.
    "Thank you," he whispers, softening his grip on me.
    I kiss his forehead, standing up, extending a hand out to him and helping him do the same.
    Elliot lays on the floor, a broken nose, and a mouthful of blood. He's still awake, and I can tell because of the way he's cussing at us under his breath.
    Cade seems to have snapped back into focus, his soul returning to his body. I look at him.
    "What do we do?"
    He passes a hand over his face, dragging his features down as far as possible. "You guess is as good as mine."
——
    Cade drags Elliot by his hand, forcing him to walk to his car.
    I insisted on having Cade and I carry Elliot to the car, but Cade insisted on not doing that for two reasons:
1. "He's a slimey fucking bastard and I'd rather incinerate both my balls before having him touch a single sliver of skin against yours."
2. "You shouldn't have to carry anything in your damn life, Kaia."
    How do I argue against that?
Cade shoves a hammered Elliot into the backseat of his Jeep. Elliot mutters something which is practically incoherent, but what else can you expect?
I can't help but wince at the blood stains, and future bruises on Cade's knuckles, a silent reminder of what he can be like.
I can't say I'm angry at him though, or even mildly disappointed. He did what I couldn't do, but what I would've done.
My thoughts are interrupted by Cade slapping Elliot across the face, another lazy groan coming out of Elliot.
"Kaia is going to ask you questions, and you're going to listen, motherfucker."
He goes in for a second slap but I grab his wrist, shaking my head. "You're good, thank you, love."
I turn to Elliot.
    "What the fuck is wrong with you!" I raise my hand and slap him, feeling myself let go of all the suppressed anger inside me.
    He's throw off balance while he's sitting, causing him to lean back against the right of the Jeep. He crosses his arms over his chest and scowls at me.
    "You're going to need to sit before I tell you what happened."
    Cade rolls his eyes, walking away from the car. He mumbles something before placing a closed fist against his forehead.
    If this situation wasn't so serious, I think I'd laugh. I'd find it comical that Cade is losing his cool, and that Elliot's smart mouth has finally caught up with him, except that isn't what's happening at all.
Blood pools inside his mouth as he speaks, small droplets of it splattering across his shirt as he talks. "Gabby has something against you. Now, don't ask me what it is, because I don't know." He shrugs, telling the story as if it doesn't mean anything to him. As if it it's just that, a story. "She gave me this like...pill, and told me to drop it in a drink I gave you. About fifteen minutes passed by and you were drunk as shit. I brought you to an empty room." he smiles, his teeth bloody and red. You can barely make out the white of them as he grins.
    A chill runs through my body, the urge to throw up rising through me with a power I've never felt before. I hate him. I hate him for the what he was going to do. I hate him for the way he treated me out in the halls. I hate him for making me trust him for so long.
    Cade stands in the middle of the parking lot, not too far away from me, but far enough so he doesn't hear. He'd go wild if he heard what Elliot just said. He'd unleash what's left of his anger and probably kill him.
    "I was going to start with you whenever that bitch walked in. She started fucking shaking. She took a vase on the edge of one of the nightstands and knocked me out cold with it. If it wasn't for her, our little story would be much different."
    Gabby.
    Elliot rolls his eyes, scoffing. "Stop fucking crying. Nothing happened to you."
    I feel my face, the tears rolling off my fingers the way gravity meant them to.
    "Why me? We were always good friends."
    Elliot shrugs. "I didn't want to be just friends, but I noticed how impossible that would be with Cade around. Gabby told me there was no other way, and there never was."
    I wipe my tears with my hands, pulling my sleeves up. I swallow the last bit of my tears left, drowning them somewhere between what I should, and what I want to do.
    "Have you heard the saying: what comes up, must come down?" I grasp the edge of the car seat, narrowing my eyes at Elliot. He already lost once, who says he can't do it again?
    He backs away slightly, his eyebrows hooded low over his eyes. "No."
    "I wish you were a little smarter." My hand flies out to his hair, gripping the bloody mess Cade left of it. His blood stains my hand as I drag him out the car and onto the empty pavement of the back of the school parking lot. There could be cameras anywhere, watching me do what I'm about to do right now, but I don't care.
    Not now.
    I watch as his eyes widen, scared for what I might do next, but it never comes, and it never will.
    I whistle at Cade. "Let's get going! We have to meet with your reading specialist at two."
    Cade points to Elliot.
    "He'll be alright."
    Cade walks over, grabbing my waist from the side and pecking my cheek, tossing one final glance at Elliot, and kicking him in the stomach.
    "Cade!"
    He shrugs, laughing. "Had to, sunshine"
——
    On the drive back home, Cade asks me a question.
    "Why did you leave him there? Not that I'm mad, or upset that you did, but you could've done so much more."
    More. I think about that night, and how he could've done more as well, but he didn't because someone else stopped him.
    I'm not like that.
    I've stopped myself far too many times against doing what I wanted to do, and that's what separated him and I.
    I have self control.
    I'm not like him, and I never will be.
    I through him on the side of the road, like empty trash bags nobody wants. I did nothing, and I'm perfectly satisfied with that.
    What came up, came down.
    I left him stranded, alone, disoriented.
    Paid the same price I had to.
    "It was the right thing to do."
    Cade looks over at me, worried. "What did he say?"
    I stay silent for a couple minutes, pondering what I should respond. I need Cade to trust my decisions. I need him to not think I should've done something else, or I should've said something different than whatever flew out of my mouth.
    "He drugged me with Gabby that night."
    I smile to myself, realizing how funny it is to keep referring to it as "that night." Such a fateful evening.
    A piece of me is still holding onto that initial shock I had the night of. I cant feel sad, or upset. It's all just lingering above me like an ugly dark cloud that refuses to rain.
    Cade's hands become white against the steering wheel, his nails digging into the leather cover.
    "It's my fault."
    I freeze.
    "What?"
    He shakes his head, keeping his eyes glued to the road. "I fucked up, Kaia. I fucked up so bad, but please you don't understand what happened that night."
    My blood runs cold. I stare at his side profile. His jaw is clenched and his muscles tighten underneath his shirt.
    Maybe it will rain after all.
    What comes up, must come down.