stay with me

Chapter 36

Hunter:

I made my decision. I'm going to move out of my apartment once my lease is up next month and I'm going to quit my job at the bar. I need to sever all ties to Grey. I'm going to move out of this city. I talked to Daniel about it and his aunt and uncle said they know of cheap apartments near them and they'd help me find a job. I was leaving. I had to. I just had to get through the next few weeks.

It's been over a week since I've seen Grey and damn do I miss her. I miss her every second of every fucking day. I see her everywhere. It hurts so bad but I deserve it. Girls at the bar throw themselves at me but I can't take them back to my place and fuck them. In fact when they talk to me or try to touch me I feel sick. I can't even think about being with anyone besides Grey. She's all I see. She owns me. She always will.

I quit going to my mixed martial arts lessons. I couldn't risk running into her and besides Mark probably knows what happened by now and he probably wants to kick my ass along with Sam and Nate. If they ever did come for me I'd gladly let them beat the shit out of me. I deserved it.

I know I chose to hurt Grey. I have no one to blame but myself for that but I had to. I had to in order to protect her. She would have never left on her own and I only would have ended up hurting her worse. I'm too fucked up. She can't love me. But she does.

I couldn't believe it when she said she loves me. I almost lost all resolve to let her go. Her blue eyes were shinning and they were strong and powerful and she looked so fucking beautiful and perfect. She wasn't breakable anymore. She'd get through losing me. She had gotten through worse. She'd be okay. Or at least that's what I tell myself. I had to in order to stay away from her.

I have work tonight and I'm terrified every night I work that Grey is going to come walking in and try to fight for me or that I'll see her and lose my shit and go running back to her begging for her to take me back. I was a wreck.

It's another open mic night tonight and I'm reminded of when Grey ran out of here and the panic I felt from the thought that something bad had happened to her. I knew I loved her then. To be honest I think I knew I loved her the first moment I saw those incredibly sad blue eyes that drew me in. I had just been too scared to admit it. I was a pussy.

Its 10:30 when I see her walk in and my heart stops. It actually stops. I can't breathe. I'm frozen. She's holding her guitar and Sam is trailing behind her. She walks right by the bar and doesn't even look in my direction. I'm relieved and disappointed at the same time. I watch as she goes with Sam to talk to the guy in charge of the open mic night. It seems like they might be arguing for a second but then the guy takes one look at Grey and his expression softens. I knew what that was like. The girl had a gift.

When she's done talking to him she goes into the back room with her guitar. I wonder if she is really going to sing this time. I hope she does. She deserves to play again. It makes me sad to think she gave up so many things once she lost Jason.

About 20 minutes later I notice Grey coming out of the back room and then I hear the guy with the mic call her name and she hesitantly heads to the stage. She's nervous I can tell. I want to yell to her that she can do this. I want to tell her how strong she is. I want her to look at me. But she doesn't.

She sits on a stool and cradles her guitar in her lap. She looks out nervously at the crowd but then her blue eyes find mine and she speaks. "Hello everyone" she says sweetly. "I'm gonna sing a song for someone who is really special to me. It's one of my favorites and I hope y'all like it and as for the special someone you know who you are."

She may be speaking to the crowd but she's looking directly at me and it's like we are the only two people here. You know who you are. She still cares about me. She doesn't hate me even after how awful I treated her. I definitely didn't deserve her. But I wanted her.

When she begins singing the room falls completely silent. I've never heard the song she is singing but the lyrics are beautiful and powerful just like her and as she sings I feel like every word is meant for me and me alone. There may be over a hundred people in this bar right now but in this moment it's only me and Grey. Her eyes never leave mine the entire time, not even when I see them well up with tears. Her voice is so god damn incredible. It's the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. By the end of the song I have tears of my own in my eyes and when everyone erupts into applause I feel this I incredible sense of pride. I'm so proud of her for doing this. She gives me one last look before she walks off stage and as she walks though the bar people stop and congratulate her. I watch as she reaches the door and her eyes find mine once more before she walks outside and my heart races from the message in her eyes.

I love you. Here's your second chance. Fight for me.

I had a choice to make now. A choice that could alter the course of both of our lives. Did I fight for her? Or did I walk away? I thought about my decision all night and by the time I woke up the next morning I knew my answer.

Grey:

I was shaking as I went on stage. Visibly shaking as I had flashbacks of what happened the last time I tried this. You can do this. I keep telling myself that over and over again. I look out into the crowd and see over a hundred faces staring back at me but all I want is one. I know where he is. I was aware of him the moment I entered the bar. I look to where he is and my heart picks up when I see that he was already staring at me. He doesn't look away when our eyes meet. He holds my gaze and I stare right back at him refusing to look away, knowing that I have to be looking into his eyes as I say what I need to say.

A few days ago I had decided to not give up even though I had every reason to, even though a part of me wanted to, but something deep inside was yelling at me not to give up. Not yet. Keep fighting. I had no idea what my next move would be. I mean I told him I loved him and gave this whole romantic speech and he still turned me away. What else could I do? Eventually the idea came to me. I would use a whole different type of language, a language that I used to use all the time. Music. It was always an escape for me and it always allowed me to say what I needed to say. I picked up my guitar and played it. I practiced for days and spent hours trying to figure out the perfect song to sing. When I eventually thought of it I was surprised it took me so long to figure it out. The song was perfect. It also happened to be one of my favorites.

Holding Hunter's gaze I spoke to the crowd but in my heart I'm only speaking to him. He's the only one I care about. This is all for him and I let him know that. I begin to play the opening cords for Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley and the crowd falls silent as I begin to sing a few moments later. Hunter watches me the entire time he's eyes never leaving mine and mine never leave his not even when my eyes well up with tears. I can't quite read his expression. He looks brooding and serious as usual and for a moment I feel like all is lost, like I did this for nothing, but then at the very end I see his eyes glisten with tears. He looks proud of me. I'm proud of myself.

I walk off the stage and find Sam and tell her that I'm ready to go. I don't allow myself to look at Hunter again not until I get to the door. I turn around and find that he is once again already watching me. His expression once again unreadable the tears from earlier gone. My expression isn't unreadable I make sure of it. I make sure that he knows I'm still fighting, that I love him and that I want him to fight for me and then I walk out of the bar and pray that it worked