so content warning for sexual content. this chapter is uh...yeah, sex.
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I knew asking Tally how to deal with Tyler was going to be the worst decision of my life. But asking for her advice and then actually following through with it is just the stupidest thing I've ever done.
Before the art class which of course just had to be the naked week, I had called Tally while Tyler was using the bathroom.
"You've just got to fuck him, Fran."
"I'm sorry, what?" I had almost shrieked. "Tally, I'm having tension problems and I really want to jump his bones but that doesn't mean I should just go and try to have sex with him!"
"It one-hundred percent means that. Look, you dated before, you know each other well. But you need to get past the tension before anything else can happen."
"Nothing else can happen, he's literally going back to America."
"But you need him out of your system."
I had paused because I knew then and I still know now that in some way she was right. Being around him makes me feel like I really am back in high school, head over heels for a brooding kid that barely gave me a 'hello' back for ages. And I don't even know what the end goal is for all of this. If he's going to be going back to America then that's it, right? We'll be friends in the best case scenario, and lose touch again in the worst. But something does tug and rip at me at the thought of not even seeing him anymore, not talking to him.
For so, so long everything has felt like it's out of my control. That nothing was really mine, nothing was allowed to be mine. Tiptoeing over eggshells about everything until I felt like I was going to lose my mind. Maybe it's not healthy that the few moments of relief and the only times I feel like I can actually breathe is around a guy who is probably going to have to leave me anyway and never come back.
But I've never really been the best when it comes to healthy relationships.
"Maybe the best way to deal with this is to get him out of your system," Tally had said over the phone.
"What if this just makes it harder to walk away from him?" I asked.
"Then maybe you shouldn't be walking away a second time."
***
The class ends too soon and my cheeks hurt from how wide I've been smiling the entire time. It feels like I'm back in high school with him, sitting at the back of the class, alone in our own world.
Butterflies blossom in the pit of my stomach. I glance over at Tyler as people around us pack up their things and chat as they get ready to leave.
