Her Inner Strength

Escape, Finally

Hellen started accusing me of touching her youngest son inappropriately and told me to "stay the fuck away from him". I was so confused. I didn't understand why she would say something like that and I didn't know what she even meant. I was heart broken.
Her youngest son had Down syndrome. I had helped teach him how to write, to draw. I spent most of my days with him in my room reading him books, drawing, making ramps and rolling marbles down the ramps and using 100% of my imagination entertaining him. I had picked him up at the end of the day and went to the bus with him and dropped him off to his class in the morning. He sat on the bus with me every day. He was my absolute best friend. When he was younger, he'd get scared of the dark and sneak out of his room and into my bed. I felt like I was a safe person for him. Hellen hated that and punished me for letting him sleep in my bed. I encouraged him to try new foods, he was so picky and ate the same foods constantly. I got him encouraged to eat a tomato and cheered him on as he took a bite. Hellen yelled at him and me.
In the summer time, we'd play under the porch in the dirt, push Tonka trucks through the yard and crawl around in the grass, picking interesting weeds and making "salads". If the grass was freshly cut, we would make huge piles of it and play "monkey monkey island", a game I made up.
He was my first example of unconditional love. I loved him like a brother. Even when he followed the lead of his mom and brother and hit me and called me "stupid" and was absolutely awful to me, I loved him. And later he would always come back and be my best friend again. He kept me going all those years. He gave me happiness and kindness when I needed it. He was a ray of sunshine.
Anyways, she started accusing me of that shit and refused to take care of me anymore. I knew something was up. So dad took me to my Aunt Lola's for a while. I loved her house and enjoyed the time we spent together. She took me to her college class with her one time. I was so fascinated that she was in college.
Her house was huge, and so cool. It was a very old house, she explained that they had moved it there by horse way back. It had a deep, white,  claw foot tub. I loved that tub. She made me a makeshift bedroom there. It was a narrow room, in front of the sheer white curtain covered window, was an old sewing machine. And a little desk. It was her sewing room. The bed was a twin bed, kinda creaky but comfortable as heck. The whole house was just old, had original woodwork throughout. It was beautiful and the feeling of nostalgia and wonder of the history of the house, made me happy.
At night, she would rag curl my hair, she painted my nails and taught me how to put mascara on. In the morning she would take the rags out of my hair and it would be so curly and pretty. She made me eggs in a nest and made sure I was ready for school before my dad would pick me up. It was winter then and snow was on the ground. He bought me a new coat, a purple and black plaid coat with a fur rimmed hood. I picked it out myself.
I was on edge, my gut telling me that at some point I'd have to return back to hell, back to Hellen abusing me again. I was soaking up the time and escape I had with aunt Lola. I didn't quite know how to handle being free.
My dad got me a little flip cell phone with a keyboard at some point. Memories can be pretty fuzzy for me. But I got a call from him one day while he was at work I think. All I remember is asking him "Is she gone?" And he said "Yes." I remember getting off the phone and Aunt Lola physically yanking me into a hug and spinning me around as tears of happiness streamed down my face and I trembled with excitement. After all these years I was free.
After three years of not seeing my mama and papa or anyone and not hearing from them. I called them. I had their number memorized as they'd had the same one since I was born. I don't remember much of that conversation but I'm pretty sure both Mama and Papa were crying.
The first time I visited them afterwards, Mama cried and yanked me into a hug, Papa had tears in his eyes (or cried) I can't really remember, Aunt Lorie came down and brought her (now two) kids. Lucas was just a tiny baby when I'd seen him last. He was now huge. And I had never met Lillie until then but she was this adorable little girl. Next thing I knew, Uncle Ronnie all but burst in the door, snatched me up and squeezed me tight, he WAS crying.
Thanksgiving time came around and I was SO ready to eat. I helped Aunt Lola make apple pies, I snuck the extra dough and ate it. She used my Great Grandma's crust recipe. It was the best pie ever.
We went to Aunt Vicki's that year, Great Grandpa, Papa, Uncle Ronnie, my dad, everyone was there. I ate until I was nearly sick, without fear of being punished. In the back of my mind, I was still terrified she would be back.