The Discreet Charm of Lady Mary (A Howertys Novella)

Chapter 18: This Is It

Mary looked up at John's impassive face as she took a step backwards. There was no sign of whatever he might be feeling other than a faint line between his eyebrows. Which she suspected was a sign that he was hurting and trying to hide it.

"I thought you might have left," she mumbled as she fiddled with the skirts of her dress, not knowing what to do with her hands. She wanted to touch him but wasn't sure if now was the time. Especially after what he had just heard her say.

The line between his brows deepened. "No matter my personal feelings, I would never abandon you here alone. We don't know that there is no danger."

Her eyes met his before he averted his gaze, and it only made the gnawing guilt in her gut feel worse. "John..."

A quick shake of his head told her he was not ready for that conversation. "Come. This is not the place for a private discussion."

When he gently took her elbow and moved towards their room, she followed. It must be a good sign that he had not left. Whatever she had said, he was still there. A few moments later, he closed the door behind them as she walked into their room. She glanced at the bed. To think it was not even an hour since she had experienced such pleasure between those sheets. Something she had never expected.

So much had changed in such a short time since arriving at Hayes's house. Her feelings for John had swept in like a whirlwind and upended everything in her life, all in the span of a few short days. This was not what she had planned. What she had expected her life to turn out to be.

But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

Spinsterhood was not a terrible prospect for her, coming from a good family, and she had rather looked forward to some aspects of it. The freedom. Not having to be accountable to anyone else. But the possibility of sharing her future with John was even more enticing. Now that she knew what she could have, spinsterhood no longer looked so appealing. If only she dared to trust John's feelings. Dared to believe she was his first choice.

John hesitated for a moment before stepping away from the door, coming to stand two feet away from her. Neither spoke, both unsure of what to say. Mary wished she could find the words to explain how she felt. Shifting from one foot to the other, she let out a small sigh.

"I never wanted to make your life more difficult."

"I didn't mean what I said."

They both spoke at the same time and fell silent again as their words mingled.

Mary made a wry face. "I'm sorry. I never should have said what I did. Jane angered me and I lashed out. You haven't made my life difficult. Well, you have—in a sense—but..." She hesitated as her cheeks warmed under his attentive gaze. "But I think these last few days have changed a lot for both of us. Maybe 'difficult' is the wrong word. Complicated?"

"I will admit that I never expected to fall in love when I accepted this case." The hint of a smile played at the corners of his mouth. "But it does not have to be complicated. It's really quite simple."

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow. As he took a step closer, butterflies fluttered in her abdomen.

"Yes," he said, raising his hand to brush his knuckles over her cheek. "I love you. You love me. There is nothing simpler."

"And yet nothing quite so difficult."

"I'm not sure love was ever meant to be easy." His gaze strayed to her lips before coming back to meet her eyes. "Not an uphill battle, of course. But something you have to fight for. Work at. A give and a take. And most difficult of all... You must trust."