Stories Written In The Dark

The Librarian

Many know of the Librarian. 

Many do not know of the Librarian. 

How paradoxical. A being so well-documented and researched, and yet only existing in the minds of less than a hundred at any given time. It skirts the boundaries between order and chaos, dancing on the fringes as we struggle to understand their true nature.

But what stops you from going forward? When you reach the precipice of knowledge itself, what stops you from leaping into the abyss beyond it? When you have all the information you need, and all the time in the world, what's stopping you from gazing into the abyss...and waiting for it to gaze back into you?

In my experience, it was nothing. 

"You seek what is not meant to be found! She will destroy you," my mother had told me. "Just as it has destroyed so many others."

"Turn back now," the spirits had warned.

"You don't want to do this," father said. 

All I ignored, guided by my hubris. I thought I could control him. I'd studied the ancient texts. Pored over the manuscripts left by the magicians of the olden times. Studied the writings of so many of the greats, with one purpose:

I intended to be the greatest of them all. To rise to a place that no man had dared to touch. 

"Ascension is my only goal. Will you lead me there or not?" I demanded, staring into the darkness before me. Strange limbs formed out of the infinite blackness, before collapsing back into itself like smoke. Even the darkness refused to touch me. 

Whispers reached my ear. Hushed tones. Not of warning or discussion, but of...exhaustion. Boredom, even. As if I was just another insignificant cog in a machine too vast for me to ever comprehend.

You're wrong. They're all wrong.

"You will not turn back, will you?" they asked. I shook my head.

"I didn't come this far just to come this far," I said, with as much bravado as possible. I regarded them with what I hoped looked like ordinary boredom. Another footnote to my Ascension, I told myself. A simple formality. That is all. 

My heart refused to listen.

"As is our duty, we will tell you once. Turn back, and you can keep what is left of your soul. 

As is our second duty, we will tell you how to reach your goal, for in every being who seeks this knowledge it is crystallized forever, the teachings preserved and collected once more from the Lethe."

"Tell me what I wish to know," I ordered.

"Seek the one who defies all meaning. She who laughs at the edges of creation. He who pulls together the tapestry of destruction. The thing that eludes all definition. The things that all children hide from in the dark."

Many years went by. I was relentless. I neither ate nor drank, and rarely slept. My family tried to stop me. But I didn't let them. Every time I gave up, I found new meaning. The spirits wanted me to go on. I could not give up.

Every time reality refused to comply, something came up. A new lead, a dream or idea that could just about work. 

And every time it happened, I knew that there was something behind it. Something that wanted me to continue with my work, and pave the way for generations to come. 

Many years went by until finally, I found it. I found her. I found him. I found them. 

I don't know what happened next.

I don't remember anything. I see fragments, sometimes. I saw something down there. I don't know what. Something horrible. Something that I should never have searched for. Something that lurks beneath the sea of mundane existence, waiting with a gleeful smile as yet another one is drawn in. 

Seeking a shining light amongst the waves of darkness, because they are special, and the light is meant for them and them alone. The light will guide them, illuminating their path. Every time they veer off, they can follow it, deeper and deeper into the heart of the darkness that they so desperately hate. 

Finally, they're caught. Caught in something they were never meant to understand. 

"What are you?" I scream.

The Librarian shrugs, as if she herself does not know the answer to that question. All around me, colors of every hue and shade dance and laugh. He laughs. They laugh. We all laugh.

"Please, what are you?" I scream again. 

The storm of color refuses to depart. I reach out. Feelings I have never felt before fill me again and again and again, fading away as soon as they came. I touch them many times, and each time the feeling fades away faster and faster and faster. 

I grin and scream and grin once more. 

"Help me! Oh, god, please help me! I'm sorry! I beg you, help me!"

I have no eyes, but I see. I have no ears, but I listen. 

I do not have anything. I am just another part of it all. I am nothing. I am everything. I am the many. I am the one. I am all and I am nothing. Dancing forever in the storm, my mind fades away with so many others...