Moral Devotions

11| Macy

"I don't know why I told you that. You didn't ask." I wipe the tears from my cheeks with the backs of my hands.

"I didn't ask. But I'm glad you did. You shouldn't keep something like that bottled up."

"If you speak the words therapist or counselor I will literally kick you out."

Declan chuckles at my words. "I wasn't going to."

"Good. Because they all say the same shit anyways."

"Which is?" He pushes on, but part of me is glad he does.

He's right I shouldn't keep this bottled in. And it's been about three years since I last talked about it.

"It wasn't my fault. There was nothing I could do. I had no idea. He was just angry, he didn't mean what he put in the letter. What am I supposed to tell my son when he starts asking questions? Sorry baby, Daddy didn't want you so he overdosed and I've got the letter if you want to see it!"

Declan takes a step forward. "You have it?"

I shrug. "I think so. I think I just shoved it in a box somewhere when I moved."

"Macy..."

"I know." I put my hand out. "I need to get rid of it. I know."

"What else are the nightmares about?"

"I'm not sure you want to hear all of my baggage. But then again, it'll get you to stop flirting with me so why the hell not?"

"Do you really hate it that much?"

Maybe it's the fact that I'm exhausted and it's two in the morning, and that's why I confess. "Not at all. It's refreshing, honestly."

"So why keep turning me down?"

I cross my arms over my chest. "Because there is a thought of things you don't know. And I'm sure there are a lot of things I don't know. But there's also a lot of things I do know, which is the reason I'm not sure if I can trust you."

"You trusted me with Axel."

I shake my head. "Not in that way. You've just... You're not the type to settle down, Declan. This isn't some rom-com book and I'm the good girl who's going to change the bad boy."

"What, 'cause I have tattoos I'm the bad boy?"

"And you sleep around. You have a one-time rule. You probably have a no-sleepover rule too. And I bet in the summer, you drive a damn motorcycle."

"Yeah, I sleep around, I'll admit it. I do have a one-time rule. And I do have a no-sleepover rule. But notice where I am right now? I was sleeping on your living room floor. Not out at the club with my teammates with a girl on my lap. I was here. I was begging to be here. And actually, the motorcycle comes out in April, not June."

I curl my toes as I lean back on my heels. He's right. He is here. He was begging to be here.

"I don't give girls my jersey, Macy. But I gave one to you. And I sure as hell don't sleep on girls' floors. But I did yours. Y'know why? 'Cause I care about you." I look up to find that he's stepped closer to me.

"I looked at your phone."

His dark brows knit together. "You did what?"

"When I was cooking. It just kept lighting up. I'm sorry."

Declan sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. I take a step back because now he knows that I know about his soon-to-be hookup.

"I wish you wouldn't have done that."