Face The Music

What Now?

I finished doing my makeup as I sat at my lighted vanity. We were in the dressing room of a theater in Orlando, Florida, getting ready for Nationals. I felt so incredibly sick this morning and was secretly sneaking ginger chews that my mom packed for me.

"Doing okay?" asked Nina, the assistant, as she pulled my hair into a bun.

"Yeah. I'm good," I said.

"You're gonna nail this solo. I just know it," she said.

As our star tapper, I really wanted a tap solo this year, but I felt like I was getting screwed with my contemporary ballet routine. Addie, of course, was getting a beautiful lyrical solo, which was her specialty. I liked ballet, but it wasn't my strong suit. Addie always had the advantage because she was the studio owner's niece. It pissed me off so much.

"Hey, do you want to run the duet real quick?" asked my dance best friend, Zoey.

"Yeah. In a bit. As soon as she's done with my hair," I said.

When my hair was all sprayed and pinned, I got out of my chair and worked on my hiphop solo with Zoey, even though I was in my solo costume. This duet was more old-fashioned, and this was choreography the studio had been using for years to win at Nationals. This was the first time they'd ever tried using it in a duet instead of a solo, though.

"Addie and Deni, you're both up. We gotta go," said Marcus.

Our whole team walked down the hall and backstage with us. Addie and I were the only ones with solos in the senior category. As I stood there waiting for the other solos to finish before Addie went on, I couldn't help but notice the sparkles on her delicate little costume. I actually didn't like my solo costume at all. The skirt was a little poofy, and now it was too tight on me.

"And now, please welcome to the stage act number fifty-two. This is Addison Winter performing to Cry," said the emcee.

Addie went out on stage and did her thing. She was beautiful, seamless, and didn't miss a beat of her sad little solo. We all high-fived her when she came off stage. She was smiling and looking confident. I normally didn't get nervous before going on stage, but this time, I was. Or maybe it was just gas. Pregnancy was weird sometimes.

"Now, please welcome to the stage act number fifty-three. This is Denali Andrews performing to Love Me a Little."

I walked out on the stage to lots of cheers and took my starting position, then my song started. I tried my best to just feel the music and focus on my face. My solo songs normally didn't mean much to me, but this one did. The song was about a girl who didn't want to accept that her lover broke up with her.

It was kind of how I felt about Hudson. We weren't a couple, but "breaking up" as best friends felt just as shitty. He was a huge part of my life and now he was gone. I wanted him back. I wanted things to be the way they used to be. It wasn't fair.

I did my best and went through the solo I'd been working on for two months, then reached my ending pose. I got a lot of claps, but it definitely felt like I didn't get as many as Addie. Maybe I would've if I had the special advantage of doing a fan-favorite song from Dance Moms.

"Good job, Deni!" said Addie, giving me a super fake smile and hug as I got off the stage.

"Thanks, you too," I said, giving her a fake grin back.

I rushed out of the wing to get back to the dressing room so I could change into my duet costume. Of course, Zoey and I couldn't just be the only ones with a duet for an easy win, we had the trio of Addie, Claire, and Sophia, who were playing cancer patients that were dancing to Sia's song Unstoppable.

The two of us just really, really had to bring this hiphop number, and Zoey was the absolute best. Hopefully she wouldn't make me look like shit out there. I already felt like it, so I didn't need to get upstaged, too.

I laced up my sneakers and ran through the number with Zoey on one end of the room with our moms, while Marcus worked with Addie and Claire on the other side of the dressing room. Before we knew it, it was time to go.

I held hands with Zoey as we walked down the hallway with Claire, Addie, and Sophia. Our duet was up first. We had two numbers ahead of us, and my nausea was kicking back in. I was really feeling it.

"Coming up next in our duo/trio senior division, please welcome Denali and Zoey with Feel You Move."

The song started and Zoey did her thing, running right onto that stage and performing a flawless back tuck. I did my best to keep up with her while simultaneously not throwing up. Once we were done, I couldn't stay to watch the trio. I ran straight offstage and found the nearest bathroom to throw up in.

"Deni, are you okay?" Zoey said, coming in right as I flushed the toilet.

I coughed a few times, wiped the vomit from my face with a piece of toilet paper, and finally said, "Yeah. I'm good."

"Did you get food poisoning again? I told you to be careful with that salad bar at the restaurant last night!" she said.

I chuckled and got out of the bathroom stall, then washed my hands. In the mirror, my face looked pale. I could see the worry in Zoey's bright green eyes as she stood behind me. We'd been dancing together since we were two. She knew me, and she knew me well.

"Zo...I need to tell you something. But you have to keep it a secret, okay?" I said.

"Girl, of course! You know you can tell me anything!" she said.

"I'm pregnant," I said, turning around to face her.

She hugged me, and I thought at that moment I could trust my best dance friend, but little did I know how that would be a huge mistake.