"mom?" I wasn't begging anymore but I know she heard the plea in my voice.
She takes a good look at me, wincing at the way I look. My legs are shaky as I struggle to walk towards her I don't want to.
"Hey sweetie how have you been?" She tries reaching her arm over to touch me but I pull away and remain standing over the table.
" Your doctor says you're opening up more, I'm so proud of you" I shake my head no and turn away from her, the tears fall freely while I try running away from her but she follows me.
"Come on Ima you haven't spoken to me since you got here please just-"
"What do you want me to say mom? Thank you I'm clearly getting better? I'm not mom, I'm, I'm really not" the words come out louder than I intended. She pulls me in for a hug and I don't fight her, I need this.
I lean into her embrace, holding her and cry harder feeling how weak my grip is. Everything about me is weak, my mind my body my voice all of it. she breaks the hug to cup my face in her arms and looks at my entire face.
"Have you even been eating? Look at how thin you are "
"Mom" I hold her hands "it hurts, please help me I-I can't stay here" she sighs and tries to say something but the door opening interrupts us, the guard looks at us in the floor and quickly rushes to separate us.
"Visiting hours are over ma'am, we have to give the patient her medicine now" a sudden panic washes over me and I grab onto my mother's blouse, kicking and screaming trying to hold onto her she moves away from me and gives me a pitiful look.
I'm dragged away from my mom and as soon as she disappears from me I feel numb again, at first I tried to fight it and scream all day but after a few days I realized no one cared, I stabbed the doctors and got violent but they still kept those unemotional faces and sedated me even more. Then I stopped eating, that's when they started to care so now everyday I'm given some kind of smoothie and if I don't finish it once a day I'm fed through pipes.
The guard hauls me over his shoulder and puts me back in my block, the light is turned on really bright as a punishment for "misbehaving" . Inside the doctor is waiting for me by my bed with the bag, tears fall down my cheeks but I don't make a sound, I'm put on the bed and the injection goes into neck. My vision blurs, my body feels numb and it all goes dark.
___
My name is Imani leratong
I keep reminding myself
I have 2 brothers kgotso and kgotatso, they're twins and both love soccer and noodles, my Dad was an alcoholic and now he's dead... He's dead.
"Imani?"
My dad's voice again, it's very faint and like always I ignore it.
"Imani wake up man!" This time I feel a tap on my upper arm, that's new and harder to ignore.
I open my eyes, I'm not in my block anymore I'm in...
"Dad?" I see my dad standing right in front of me, he's sober and looks a bit younger. He's not looking at me with a drunken hate in his eyes instead he's smiling at me.
"Imani you've grown up so much"
I'm confused, more like shocked. I almost never knew my father because he spent all of my life drinking and fading away, but now he looks great and these are the first real words he's ever said to me.
"Dad?" I repeat again he nods this time and comes closer to hug me but I back away.
"What's, are you? Aren't you dead?" He looks away from me and releases a deep sigh before signalling that I should walk with him, we look ahead and it's all clouds and an inexplicable light all around.
"I have to explain something to you daughter"
He spits out the last word, with no emotion.
"I've been trying to talk to you for a while but you've been ignoring me"
"You're dead , how am I ignoring a dead person?" None of this makes sense to me , we continue to walk but it doesn't feel like we are moving.
" Don't interrupt me let me finish, you see my I... I love you Imani you are my child" he sighs nit knowing how to begin and I keep my mouth shut trying to understand all of this.
"You see when I died something happened, I still don't know how but I was given the chance to go to heaven. I'll admit I wasn't the best person but I must have done something right, now it's complicatedbbut when a person dies their soul remains on earth, waiting be collected by the grim reaper or an angel and that determines whether you go to heaven or hell. Sometimes there are exceptions and it turns out I was one of them"
"And what does that have to do with me? "I ask him , impatience getting the better of me.
"I'm getting to that, an exception usually means a good deed that was good enough to give you a chance to go to heaven as a sinner, but in my case someone would have to go to hell in my place"
I nod at him waiting for him to continue but he doesn't, instead he looks at me waiting for something, and then it clicks.
"You? "I say slowly.
"I had to choose someone else in my place"
"So you chose me?" I ask but I still don't fully understand.
"It had to be a family member"
"So you chose me!?" I'm louder and angrier this time.
He says nothing which makes me even angrier.
"Why?"
"I never knew my family you were my only option"
"So you've completely ruined your only daughters life?"
"Well..." I look at him defeated
"Well what dad?"
" You aren't completely doomed, I have two daughters so it could be either one of you"
I look at my father completely heartbroken his tone is what hurts the most , he doesn't even sound the least bit sorry.
"Look , I've been trying to tell you for a while but you just kept ignoring me and I'm sorry for being such a bad father I just wanted you to so you can live your life knowing" he says almost shamelessly.
"No! Fuck you sir! You don't get to apologize, this is unforgivable you literally sent me to hell"
"Listen I don't have much time, but I won't bother you anymore but I'll make sure to have you out of that asylum and maybe you can live your life"
I can't believe it, I'm doomed to hell because of him and he's basically leaving me forever.
💗Aight y'all prologue done and done, I'd love to hear y'all's opinions like what do y'all think? Too dark anyways. First chapter coming soon
