Content warning: sexual imagery toward the end of the chapter (not graphic)
October 2018
Bochum, Germany
My heart thuds against my ribs.
Frantically, I scour my brain for a single, solitary plausible explanation for why in the holy living hell I've accused him of obsessing over me. Apart from the truth, of course. A truth I wouldn't admit to Ian in a thousand years.
That I want him to think about me.
At least as much as I think about him.
Come on, brain! Find an excuse somewhere!
We could always go with the highly convincing, "I was only kidding."
For heaven's sake, do better!
Right when I pull my thoughts together long enough to insist in no uncertain terms that I was simply teasing him, Ian beats me to the mark.
He says in a neutral yet husky tone, "And what if it's true?"
My heart leaps into my throat. No, it's impossible.
It's been over eight years!
And I left him!
"What if I can't stop thinking about you?" he asks, almost defiantly.
A small gasp escapes my lips. Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
"You left me," he adds in a firm tone, "not the other way around."
"Exactly! And that's precisely why--"
"Why what?" he demands, his harsh tone igniting my heart while chilling my bones. "Why I should hate you? Punish you? Seek revenge like a child?"
He renders me speechless.
"If so, I'm afraid I have no intention of fulfilling your wishes," he says. "I've resumed contact with you for one reason--and one reason alone."
"Why?" I ask, breathless.
"To win you back."
Silence falls between us.
"Or, more accurately perhaps," he says in a gentler tone, "to convince you to stay. Here in America. With me. Even though it repels you so much."
So that's why he got all offended!
"America has its problems," he admits. "Not even an entire lecture series could cover the myriad ways in which this country needs to grow the fuck up!"
My lips part in surprise. He hardly ever drops the F-bomb.
"But I live here. I've studied here. I've built a life here. Because unlike you, I don't have the linguistic talent to earn a graduate fellowship and move abroad."
"Ian, I'm sorry--"
"Don't apologize!" When I fall silent, he continues, "I want you to be happy, Sylvia. By all that I hold true, I want you to be euphoric. If I could storm over to Germany and give you everything I could offer you here, I would."
Every muscle tenses while I listen.
"If I could have saved you from the miserable marriage you accepted because you were so desperate to stay in Europe, I would."
A lump rises in my throat.
"If you had let me sweep you off your feet and give you a safe, comfortable, loving home, I would have done it."
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Don't Look Back
RomanceONC 2024: In college, it was a case of wrong place/wrong time. Eight years later, they have a second chance. But will they take the leap? ___ Prompt 14: "My muse, believe me, waiting for you has been a form of freedom." ___ Excerpt: "Don't look bac...
