How do I explain the most surreal place I've ever been to?
Try to imagine the worst, most deserted trailer park you can.
It's named (maybe still today) Gal ranch or in Hebrew - Havat Gal.
About 1 KM from our base, on top of a hill was Havat Gal, 7 families living in the most random houses (if that structure could qualify as a house).
Built out of cans, concrete, half a bus and many other very creative materials.
Since it was relatively far from base, we used to have 2 soldiers guarding there 24/7 on 8 hour shifts.
This time I was staged there with the one and only - Swag.
Which is, unfortunately, let's say delicately - Not the brightest of men...............
We're both there, he keeps on talking about his experiences with women. It's important to mention - By that time, he didn't have any. All his stories were taken out of adult films he used to be addicted to (maybe still to this day).
So every story was something like -
Swag: Yo Bro, I hooked up with that girl last Friday. She was super freaky and super HOT!
ME: Really?? I'm happy you had a great weekend! (knowing what's comes next)
Swag: Yes yes her name was Jessie. Blond, thin, just perfect.
Me: Swag, are you telling me you met Jesse Jane at a club in Beer Sheva and she went home with you?
And starts to describe one of her acts from one of her films while I roll my eyes hoping it'll pass soon.
Two and a half hours in. My brain is dry, one more eyeroll and they will be stuck looking at what's left of my brain and I just can't do it anymore.
I had cigarettes with me but rookie as I was - I forgot the lighter. Desperately needing a smoke while he goes on and on about asian, blonds, brunettes and many others I started knocking on thous houses (the ones we guarded 24/7) doors and ask them if they have any kind of fire so I could light just 1 cigarette and have 6 and a half minutes of break from this imaginary adult film. Surprisingly, all those ungrateful families didn't want to lend me a lighter,matches or any kind of help in that matter.
4 hours in, I'm losing my mind, out of nowhere Swag pulls a lighter out of his pocket and burns a tiny piece of loose fabric.
Me: Swag, you had a lighter all this time and you didn't think to offer?! You saw me asking and looking everyone and everywhere for 2 hours!!
Swag: You didn't ask me :|
Me: Why would I ask you, you're not smoking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was mad. Very very mad. I think it was the closest time in my life to hit someone without actually doing it.
As revenge, I waited patiently until Swag would fall asleep.
On Havat Gal, there were a couple of farm animals. Chickens, Goats (which we actually saw giving birth once), and Sheep.
Took some of the Chicken's food and covered him with it. Made sure it's in his boots, pockets, helmet, EVERYWHERE.
Not much time has passed and I got to see Swag waking up screaming in terror not understanding what's going on with all those chickens on him.
He starts running around dropping their food while he runs and they all chase him.
I laughed for the next hour, again when we told the story to the rest of the squad and again now while writing it.
