Ms. Anderson

Chapter 6

A/N
This chapter will contain information about Emily's past and her struggles. It'll talk about self harm and about suicidal thoughts and actions. It's an important chapter to understand Emily more, but if you're not comfortable with those topics, please skip this!

Today is September 12th. It's the day everything changed. The day my parents found me and rushed me to the hospital. It's the day I wanted to die and the day I decided to live.

I swallowed a whole bottle of pills and chased it down with burning liquor. I remember how it felt. Slowly, all the feelings started to fade away and I began to see stars. Eventually everything went dark, and I took what I thought would be my last breath, relieved that the pain would finally be over.

But then, I woke up, blinded by the bright hospital lights, my head pounding. I looked around the empty room, realizing I was alone.

My arms are wrapped in bandages, and there's an IV in one of them. Confused and disoriented, I wonder if I'm in hell. But after a few minutes, my parents and the doctors enter the room, asking how I'm feeling and if I'm in pain. I question about where I am, and they fill me in on what happened. They explain that they had to pump my stomach to remove the pills and that I've been drifting in and out of consciousness for the past few days.

After my hospital stay, I began seeing a psychiatrist regularly for therapy. At first, the idea of confiding in a stranger seemed strange to me, but now I realize it's exactly what I needed. They took there time to help me see the good side of life again.

Today is 12 September and I feel worse than I've ever felt. It's a constant battle staying clean. It's a fight between your body and mind and it's exhausting. I'm exhausted. And maybe today a little more than usual.

I try to push aside the feeling as much as possible. With school and responsibilities, staying busy is often the best distraction.

After a quick shower, I get dressed. Since it's going to be another hot day, I opt for the same light cardigan I wore yesterday. I head downstairs for breakfast, and Mom has already prepared my plate.

"How are you feeling?" She asks with a knowing look on her face.

"I'm fine. Just struggling a bit."  I admit. She nods empathetically as I sit down to eat.

"I'll be home all day, so let me know if you want to be picked up, alright?" she offers, leaning against the counter.

"Yeah, I will." I assure her, finishing up my breakfast and making myself ready to leave. "I'm going to school. I'll see you later." I call after mom, who went to the washroom.

"Be safe. I'll see you later." She replies as she emerges from the washroom, leaning in to plant a quick kiss on my head before I leave.

• • •

At school, I stop by my locker before heading to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and cool down.

The bell rings and I make my way to calculus. I'm struggling to keep focused but manage to get the things done that needed to be done. After calculus, we have English. It's a class I don't need to focus on too much and still understand what's going on.

Ms. Anderson walks in and starts her lesson. We've moved on from Shakespeare, to some other authors around and after that period.

I'm sitting in class, not really paying attention, just mindlessly drawing squares on my paper and filling them in with color. Surprisingly, Ms. Anderson isn't calling on me, which I'm grateful for. Jennifer is absent today because she's got the flu or something. It's quiet without her here and today I kind of miss it. She would be the perfect distraction.