Sweet Magnolias Autumn

Lost In My Thoughts

Tyler 

Why were Kyle and Annie not talking this summer? Why did Kyle blow up at Annie after the accident? What made her drink at the baseball fundraiser after-party? Why did she go out with Jackson? Did she mean it when she said the kiss was nothing, or when she said it meant nothing? Why didn't she talk to me on the first prep day of VBS? Why did she stop coming to margarita nights over the summer? What going on with my Dad and Cathy? What did Kyle mean when he said Dad left with Cathy? Why did seeing Cathy at Annie's Party upset her so much? Why didn't she sit with me in chem? It was the whole reason I sat at the front of the class because I knew where she liked to sit.    

Annie in her suit, Annie and I holding hands, hugging her after the football game, cheering her up, writing her a song, joking around with her at the scavenger hunt, talking with her under the stars, seeing her when she dropped off those vases, the weird moment starring at each other in the hallway at the end of last semester, the way we looked at each when dancing at the prom after party, talking with her after a mock trial, hugging her when we found out Kyle was safe, her giving make the cold shoulder after the message getting out, the fight we had about the message, her kissing me, her showing up at the baseball fundraiser after party, and everything that's ever happened between us. 

All these questions and thoughts were running around in my head right now; well, truthfully, they had been in my head for a while. That is probably why I'm sitting in the family room at 2:30 in the morning, unable to sleep. I am frustrated and don't know what to do; I'm about to grab a snack when I hear a noise.  I think it is floorboards.

I hear the creak again and turn around to see who it is. I see Annie coming down toward the kitchen. Her long dark brown hair frames her face, and she has no makeup on and is wearing her pyjamas. She looks beautiful; it is rare to see her like this these days. She almost always has some makeup on and her hair done. Getting to see her like this, god, she is more beautiful than when she is all done up.

Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. I walk over to the kitchen to talk to her and maybe clear up some of the questions that are running around in my head. 

Maybe this is how we clear the air.   

*****

"Ty. Can you go grab your sister for me, please?" Mom says to me. 

"Sure, Mom. Will meet you at the car once I find her." I tell her and wander off to find Katie. 

Once we got home last night from the wedding, I was wide awake. The same thoughts keeping me up then were distracting me from Paster June's sermon. Now, not only are the thoughts I had last night distracting me, but I also have the conversation Annie and I had running around in my head. 

I know I shouldn't have mentioned last semester, but I miss my best friend and want to make sure that we were truly good about everything that went down since last semester. Gabe was my best guy friend, but Annie was my Best friend and had been since I could remember. I told her about things that I didn't tell anyone else and vice versa. I missed that, and I just missed her. When she kissed me after the baseball fundraiser, I didn't know what to think. 

After she kissed me, I finished getting her to bed. I just took a minute to look at her—the beautiful creature I have loved for as far back as I can remember. I knew I had feelings for her, but I thought it was just a crush I would get over. I never thought she would feel the same about me. I knew she saw Katie as a little sister and Kyle as a Brother, I just assumed I was the same. At the same time, I wasn't sure if I was ready to act on those feelings. I mean, it could be one of those cases where friends think they have feelings for each other, but they don't. They just think they do because they've been close friends for so long. Yeah, not likely. When I sat on the couch later that night, and I got her voice message, it was pretty clear that she had feelings, too. But was I ready to potentially lose my best friend over what could just be a high school crush? I wanted Annie to be in my life forever; if things went badly, what would that mean? I mean, my parents were getting a divorce, and her parents were separate. Overall, it came down to two simple facts: I was so angry with everyone, the world, I don't even know, but I wasn't ready to be with Annie; I would have messed it up. I decided then and there if I wasn't ready, I was going to stick with what everyone thought that we were like siblings. 

So, instead, I made the mistake of going out with Cece. I didn't like her; I barely knew her. Over time, I grew to like her, but nowhere near as much as Annie.  I tried to make it work I just couldn't. 

Having to watch Jackson and Annie together hurt in a way I never experienced but I didn't know what to do. We were barely talking, and I didn't know what to say to her. So, I did my best to make sure we rebuilt our friendship and that I didn't let her know how much I hated seeing her date Jackson. Until her birthday, she was upset, and she wanted to see Jackson instead of me; I couldn't keep helping her. In the past, I was the one she would come to, like when her mom kicked her dad out, but not anymore; on top of all that, I had to lie and deal with Mrs. Lewis; I just couldn't support her anymore. So, I tried to focus on being her friend. 

I knew we were getting back into our groove when I made her the cup phone and when she hugged me after breaking up with Jackson at the football game. So, I wanted to make sure there was nothing either of us was holding onto and that we needed to clear up. Okay, maybe I wanted to know if she meant it when she said the kiss meant nothing or if it was something she said in the heat of the moment. I was ready to have my best friend back, for good, no hurt feelings. 

"Hi, Ty," Katie said. I hadn't even realized I had walked over to her where she was playing with some of the younger kids. 

"Hey, guys. Katie, Mom sent me to get it time to go home." I tell her. 

"Okay. Bye, guys." She tells her friends and walks over to me. 

"Bye," I tell her friends. Katie takes my hand and we walk over to the car. 

"I'm so happy Annie is staying with us this week. It's like having a sister. I can't wait to hang out with her," She tells me. 

"What about Rebecca? She's our sister, " I asked, then internally flinched. It still felt weird to think about that. I had another baby sister. It was taking some time, but I was coming to terms with it, and I was visiting with Rebecca; it was hard to blame her for my family falling apart when she was an actual person, not just an idea or reason my dad left. 

"I know, and I love her. But sometimes it's fun to have someone who can do my hair and stuff, and she's not exactly fun yet. I mean, I can't really play with her the way Annie plays with me," she says. 

"I guess, but one day, she will be big enough to play with," I tell her. 

"Yeah," she says with a sigh. 

"Alright, get in the car," I tell her as we approach Mom's Enclave. I open the back passenger side door for her to climb in before closing it and getting in the front passenger seat. On the way back, I engage in some of the conversation going on, but mostly, I think about how I am going to make sure the air is clear between Annie and me.