if only we had made it

Finny

Scientific studies have shown that after death despite the human heart no longer beating the brain stays active and aware for seven full minutes, and in those seven minutes the brain re-lives memories from the person's life.

Ironic that the very thing controlling everything takes seven minutes to relive past moments instead of giving seven minutes to make new ones. A lot can happen in seven minutes, one major thing is saying goodbye. In the seven minutes the brain takes to shut down, loved ones and people we care about could have had one last conversation, one last laugh, one last hug. One last memory before you're put into a hole in the ground where you'll never move again.

It makes me question what people re-live in those seven minutes.

Do they have control of it?

Can they shut off the memories they don't want to re-live?

Can they choose to skip ahead to just before they die?

I hope we can choose.

Cause I would choose every moment of my life that had somehow managed to involve Autumn. 

I'd die a happy man if I had Autumn on my mind. 

I came close to it tonight, and the only thing that would have made my death more tragic was if I hadn't been thinking about autumn and getting home to her. 

It only would have been more tragic because I would have been thinking about Sylvie. 

In a way, I was though. 

Who wouldn't think about someone they had just seen fly through a windshield?

 I was selfish though. 

Selfish because I wanted Sylvie to be okay so I could get back to Autumn faster and selfish because why had Autumn even been a thought in my head when I looked over and saw my passenger seat empty? 

Selfish because I loved Autumn more than I loved Sylvie. 

Selfish because as Sylvie was sprawled on the road ahead of me I was thinking about getting to her as fast as possible so I could go home to Autumn.

Who even knows if I would have made it home to her? 

I didn't listen. 

She had told me to stay in the car. 

I wouldn't have listened if I weren't forced to. 

I believe that somewhere, someone in the universe looking down on us realized how much of an idiot I was for not listening to Autumn and made a rash decision to force me to stay in the car by jamming my seat belt, instead of giving me an option on the matter. 

Luckily both of us made it out of the crash alive. 

Although one of us might not make it out of the hospital. 

I stand here my pinky intertwined with Autumns.

The mothers are walking away, toward the elevator to head home. 

We can't say anything. 

We already know what is in store for us. 

What I had wanted to be just me and my Autumn now involved Sylvie once again. 

And once again I was feeling selfish.

Selfish because why was I upset I couldn't be with Autumn openly the way we wanted as I watched her walk to the elevator silently. 

Selfish because why was I following after Autumn and standing on the other side of the elevator thinking about how mad I was that Sylvie didn't just wear her seat belt like she should have been?