XXXII ~ She Was A Hurricane

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{Scars On Scars - Martin Luke Brown}

...I got these scars on scars from making all the same mistakes, I'm pulling myself apart, waiting on a hurricane, to come and roll me like thunder, carry me under, then spit me back out to the sky...

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July 16th

              I waited for morning, feeling the emptiness under my pillow from where I had hidden my Juilliard application like a teenage diary fearful of my parents' prying eyes. As my feet touched the ground, tingling in the early morning sunlight, I knew I had a plan for that day. I wanted to find out why Elliot was leaving. Going after him, demanding answers, would only lead to an argument or me going back on my words to him that night in the music room, that I was done fighting for him and that the ball was on his court. I was going to find Poppy.

               Pulling on a sundress and tying my hair up into a bun, I grabbed a bagel from the kitchen where my Mom and Dad existed in volatile silence before making a swift exit. From the top of the grassy hill leading down to where I stood, I could see a sleepy Bodhi and Cady returning from where they had found refuge for the night away from Mom and Dad. I waved in their direction before veering off in another direction to take the shortcut up the hill before the rush of guests demanding their morning pancakes would deprive me of asking Poppy about Elliot's supposedly imminent departure.

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               She stood at the podium, eagerly waiting to seat guests at their breakfast tables, her unruly blonde curls pinned back away from her pretty face.

    "Hey Ava, can I get you something?" Poppy's cheery smile as I entered the dining area knocked me off of my concentrated path, and I found an unconscious smile infectiously spreading across my face.

    "No, no, I'm fine." I came a little closer to her, lowering my voice. "Are you busy?"

    "Nah, not right now. Is there something wrong?" I nodded to a corner of the room where the employees usually gathered on their break. She followed me as I walked past the tables waiting for the morning rush of diners who, as of yet, hadn't arrived. I stopped at a small, battered sofa behind some plants. Taking a seat, I smoothed my dress as Poppy too sat next to me, worry creasing her eyebrows.

    "I wanted to ask you about Elliot..." Immediately, she understood. She sighed loudly, shrugging her shoulders.

    "Honestly, I didn't expect him to leave. He's worked here for a while during the Summer, but this year he seemed to be earning a lot more and finally had enough saved to move to the city." The city? Was he finally going to go and pursue his dreams? I hoped so.

    "Wow... I mean I'm happy for him, I just..." I tried to find a prominent thought, but I couldn't quite understand it all. Something was missing.

    "He wanted to 'start again' or something. He wants to 'fix' things. He can be such a cryptic little shit sometimes. He was in a mood when I asked him if him leaving was true."

    "He didn't tell you outright?" I questioned.

    "Nah. He's been pretty busy since you guys... Broke up," she squinted her face slightly, worried she'd said too much. I just nodded, pressing her for more. "He's done nothing but work. I've barely seen him," she shrugged, oblivious to how wrong it seemed.

     Elliot suddenly leaving, not telling his sister, and yet Benjamin knew.

    "We spoke recently... He never mentioned it." I spoke softly. "I don't know... I guess I just thought he'd fight for me. He said he still loved me, but things were too complicated for me to be with him." My words tumbled out of my mouth as I remembered that night. He said by staying away from me; he was protecting me."

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