Mere Jazbaat

Chapter 9: How Do You Find the Words to Say Goodbye?

The previous night at the hotel, Zoya had been tossing and turning. The events and words from that day kept running through her mind like a roller coaster. Allah miyan! Why can't I just stop thinking about all this?

When sleep finally over came her...

Zoya walked in a straight line, down a long corridor, with many doors. The corridor was white, impeccable, glistening. As she passed the doors, she noticed each one had a small window into its respective room. She peered inside one of them. Then the next, and the next, only to see... Mr. Khan.

Mr. Khan saving her in Mangalpur. Mr. Khan carrying her out of Akram's house. Mr. Khan fighting the goondas for her. Mr. Khan comforting her in the garden. Mr. Khan bringing her cheesecake. Mr. Khan holding her while she mourned her father. Mr. Khan telling her not to go...

Mr. Khan... Asad...

She was smiling, tears of happiness welling up in her eyes. Zoya walked further down the corridor to even more doors. But these weren't doors of fond memories...

Mr. Khan... she saw... telling her she is a musibaat, a misfit, has no tezeeb, tameez...

Mr. Khan throwing her out of his house. Mr. Khan threatening her life. Mr. Khan blaming her for his mother's condition. Mr. Khan slapping her... she cringed... Mr. Khan questioning her upbringing...

Mr. Khan... "Khuda ka shukar ki aapke abuu aaj zinda nahin hain, une aap par zaroor sharam aati agar une yeh din dekne par the!"

Zoya jerked awake, her face moist with tears. When she realized where she was, and why, a new rush of tears trickled down her face.

Mr. Khan mujhe kabhi nahi samaj paenge. Aur mein une khabi nahi samaj paongi. Yehi sab ke liye acha hoga, she tried to convince herself.

Dejected and numb, she laid back down. Slowly her sobs lessened, as she softly cried herself to sleep.

* * * * * * *

Dilshad was in no mood to talk to anyone, but she figured it might be someone important. And when she heard the voice at the other end of the line, she knew she made the right choice.

"Phoopi..."

"Zoya! Beta, tum kahan ho! Aur aise kyun chali gayi!" probbed Dilshad, relieved to hear her voice.

Asad opened his room door the slightest bit. Hearing her name, despite his anger, still made his heart skip beat. Maybe I can still... No Asad, screamed his brain. She's trouble. She's a musibaat. And if she comes back she'll cause problems. Even yesterday, she went to Ayaan's sagai and ended up causing the biggest problem we've ever had to face with that family. And yet, his heart kept him frozen at the door, listening to his Ammi's conversation, hoping he could catch a glimpse or a clue as to where she'd gone.

"Phoopi," Zoya repeated on the other end, "I'm sorry Phoopi, I'm so sorry. Par mein aapke ghar mein aur nahi resakhti. Mera visa khatam ho chuka. Aur mein Mr. Khan ko jooth bol ne ko force nahin kar sakhti. Please, Phoopi. Aap samaj ne koshish kije. Mujhe aapse door nahin jaana, lekin mein kisi aur ki zindagi... barbaad nahi karsakti," explained Zoya, whispering those last few words. She had tried to maintain her composure, but hearing her Phoopi's- No. Her Ammi's voice, she felt like she was ripping her heart out, knowing that she won't be seeing her. Maybe forever.

"Shh, Zoya, sambhalo apne aap ko. Yeh tum kaisi baatein kar rahe ho. Kiski zindagi barbaad hogi? Kisi ki bi nahin. Hum mein se kisi ko bhi nahi cheiye ki tum jao. To tum kyun gai?" Dilshad was utterly confused. She knew Zoya would be hurt by Asad's cold words, but she didn't understand why Zoya thought she would be ruining his life.