Skylar: Welcome to the Cahill Chat, where we talk about the weirdest stuff ever that involves the Cahill family. Now, please give a warm welcome to: Dan and Amy Cahill!
(Crowd goes wild. Amy and Dan enter on left; Amy dragging Dan while he plays on his 3DS. They take a seat on the sofa.) Welcome to my show. So glad you can make it!
Amy: (nervous laugh) Well, we try. (Dan frantically playing on 3DS). Dan, say hello.
Dan: Too busy… Trying to beat the 1st gym leader.
Skylar: In Pokémon? Which game?
Dan: Black.
Skylar: Oh, that is so easy. Anyway, since Amy is deciding to pay attention to me (slowly turns her head into Dan’s direction. He doesn’t notice), let’s talk about what happened over winter break.
Amy: Dan bought a snow machine so he could snowboard off the roof.
Dan: Did not! If there was snow on the ground I wouldn’t have. It was still fun though. I was playing Pokémon the whole time.
Amy: While snowboarding???? Are you crazy?
Dan Some people said you can’t multitask, but I proved them wrong!
Skylar: Anyway, what did you get for Christmas, Amy?
Dan: She got a Justin Bieber doll-that talks! She ignored Evan for about three hours before the batteries died… Maybe I should buy a lifetime supply….
Amy: DAN!?!?!? THAT IS SO NOT TRUE!!!!!!!
Dan: Yeah, right, sure… I have the proof on the security system; take a look for yourself! (The monitor shows Amy in her bedroom singing along with ‘Baby’ and dancing.)
Amy: You weren’t supposed to show that!!!!!!!
Dan: NO!!!!!! I LOST!!!!!!
Skylar: Well, that stinks for you. Now, let’s talk about the bigger issues: How’s Evan taking your crush over Justin Bieber?
Amy: Well, uh, he sort of, doesn’t know…
Evan (enters from ceiling and lands on Dan): How dare you like some weirdo singer over me??
Dan: You just landed on my DS- jerk.
Evan: What did you just call me?
Amy: Stop fighting!
Evan: Well, you started it!
Amy: How did I start this???
Evan: By liking that weird singer which makes every six year old go crazy!
Amy: It’s not my fault I like him- his voice is just so mellow…
Skylar: Can you guys just shut up for five seconds? (Studio becomes quiet). Now, let’s continue on…
Dan: Okay, it’s been five seconds! (Everyone is arguing again)
Skylar: Why did I take this job? (Evan tackles Amy and they are wrestling on the floor.
Dan: Oh, come on! Why can’t I beat this guy????
Skylar: Oh, let me help you… (Helps defeat the gym leader). Done.
Dan: Wow that was quick!
Skylar: I defeated the game like, five times. Anyway… What the heck are they doing????? (Points to Evan and Amy on the floor wrestling)
Dan: I don’t know, but WHERE’S THE POPCORN???????
Skylar: We’ll be right back after these-(Amy starts yelling ‘I hate you Dan’ in the background while Evan is screaming ‘Why did Justin Bieber have to exist????’)- Commercial messages
(Camera zooms out to see Dan swimming in popcorn and Amy and Evan still sparring and Skylar is staring in awe, laughing hysterically)
(Rock music plays in background as camera zooms up to Skylar in the middle of an empty stage and the lights only shining on her).
Skylar: Welcome back to-
Dan: GIVE ME BACK MY DS!!!! (Camera turns towards Dan and Evan playing tug of war with his DS) YOU’RE GONNA- (DS snaps in half)
Skylar: Uh oh… (Slowly backs away to behind the couch as Dan turns very red in the face) Camera guy! Get down!
(Dan starts crying hysterically as Skylar comes out from behind the couch.)
Skylar: …Really? You start crying over your DS but you punch my guard in the face if he offers you cake? You need to get a grip. (Amy comes up behind Skylar slowly as she continues her rant.) I don’t even do that and I’m- (Skylar turns around to see Amy five inches from her face and throws a self defense combo, making Amy fall to the floor). YOU SHOULDN’T DO THAT TO ME!!!!!
Amy: (Laying on the floor, looking at the ceiling) You should’ve told us sooner…
Skylar: I thought I did… (Walks out of room, muttering to herself)
Dan: (Looks at Evan) YOU owe me a DS!
Evan: (Looks surprised) How did I break your DS? All I ever wanted was to see what Pokémon you have!
Dan: I didn’t want you to get ahead of me!
Evan: How would I get ahead of you-
Dan: So you can choose Pokémon that have my Pokémon’s weaknesses!
Joseph: (Stage Manager/Skylar’s Boyfriend walks onto stage) WILL YOU TWO STOP IT!!!!!! We have a schedule to keep to!
Amy: Yes, can’t you guys stop it!
Dan: Oh, it’s not like I listen to Justin Bieber whenever I have the chance…
Amy: SHUT UP!!!!!
Skylar: (Walks on stage with a chocolate bar in hand) Alright already! I have a reputation to keep and you guys are lunatics! (The Cahills and Evan turn slowly and look at Skylar with an evil glare.)
Amy: Say another word, and bad things will happen…
Skylar: Are you forgetting that I am a four time World Champ in eight categories, this is MY studio with guards everywhere, and my overprotective boyfriend over there… (Points to Joseph holding a machine gun, pointed at the lump of Cahill family.)
Joseph: (Slowly backs out of studio) You didn’t see anything… (He runs out).
(Studio becomes dead silent for about 10 seconds)
Dan: YOU OWE ME A NEW DS!!!!!!!!
Evan: NO I DON’T!!!!! (They start fighting over it as Amy and Skylar turn and face them)
Amy: No hard feelings, right?
Skylar: … Eh, maybe (They shake hands. Turns towards camera) Will Evan ever get Dan a new DS? Will I become less harmful to anyone? Will my boyfriend stop carrying machine guns wherever I go? Find out on the next episode of ‘The Cahill Chat’! (Camera zooms out to show Evan and Dan sparring and breaking furniture) HEY! THAT TABLE COST A FORTUNE!!!!! (Black out)
