Femme Fetale

Twenty One

I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean there must be something twisted about me, considering how much I longed for the very person who turned my world upside down. Why can't he just disappear again like he did before? Maybe this time I'll be able to fully get over his ass, however long that'll take me. Even three years later I still have no idea how to even begin leaving these damned memories behind.

I don't even blame him, I blame myself. For putting my trust - and my heart - in his hands. He deserves to rot, I know this, but then why is it when I get just a whiff of his cologne I remember all those nights he held me while I screamed in my sleep. Those nights he comforted me, when god knows he probably needed comforting too. All those times when I came home from a job, and lied through my teeth about where I'd been and he'd known. He played along, smiling and laughing, and teasing me. It's not the apartment that meant a lot to me, I could have sold that place long ago, but deep down I thought - what if he came back?

Well, now he had, and I truly wish he hadn't.

I lean against a wall a little ways away from the small bar I'd been in, taking deep breaths, not letting myself cry over him again. I'd promised myself no more tears, I couldn't break that promise, no matter how much looking at him hurt. Though it already looks like I broke it, I pretend not to notice the drops leaking from my eyes.I reach up and press the heels of my palms into my eyes, doubling over and taking deep breaths. I need to be strong. I can't let his presence keep doing this to me.

I stand up straight and take another deep breath, before pushing myself off of the wall. Down the road was the utility van where I know Parker is. His green eyes jump to mind and I hate myself for what I'm about to do, but I need this. I strut over to the utility van, and pull the back door open.

Parker meets my teary gaze, his eyes wide.

The emotions in them swirl in a blend, never once landing and giving me a straight answer. Could I trust him? Was the cure for my broken heart standing in front of me? I banish the thoughts from my mind. I can't allow myself to fall for someone again.

"Oh, thank God. You had me worried, Adri. What the hell happened, I've been trying to get through to you." He gets up, gestures for me to get in. I climb inside, tossing my purse to the side and looking around me.

"I'm fine. Probably the signal or something," I mutter. He examines me for a second, then scoots his chair closer.

"Are you sure you're alright? You're eyes look a little red," He says, reaching out and pushing my hair out of my face. I look up and meet his green gaze.

"Yeah, just Nickolas being a dick. Hey - I finally got somewhere with Zane. He'll probably call me in the next few days and set a date for our trip to Colombia," I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest. I look down and bite my lip for a second, while Parker tells me about all the things he needs to get ready for the trip. I watch him scoot from computer to computer, his excitement infectious. Would kissing him make the ache in my heart go away? Or would it just replaced one ache with a new one?

A knock is heard from the back door of the van. We both freeze. Parker presses his fingers to his lips and pulls out a gun from the waistband of his jeans. I watch him walk over and open it, the gun hidden behind his person. A few words are said, then Nickolas pokes his head into the van. His eyes meet mine.

"Adrianna, can I talk to you?" He asks me, looking concerned. I don't say anything for a second, examining him. "It's important," he tell me. I slowly get up, sighing.

My feet move almost on their own accord as I step out of the van and come face to face with Nickolas. He looks over my shoulder at Parker and Parker shrugs, heading into the van and shutting the door. I stand there, my poker face on.