In Between Days: Raising Jordan (boyxman)✅

Private Idaho

Jordan

The shadow grew larger and larger until the shadow turned into a real life human being. He strolled down the hall, his auburn beard bigger and bushier than the last time I saw him. His beard was always a little wild when he returned from his assignments.

"Hey, there's my boy," Art, also known as my father, said. He was stockier than both me and Tim, about the same height as Tim. I backed away as he went to hug me. He had no right to hug me. I didn't want him touching me. The only man I wanted to touch me was Jamie. Instead of hugging me, Art patted my shoulder. "You're looking more like a man every time I see you." I didn't know what to say or what to do while Jamie stood beside me. I was sure his shadow was the shadow I observed on the pool deck. Did he see me and Jamie naked in the pool? Did he see anything else?  In only our towels, Jamie and I stood awkwardly in the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my shirt and his shorts still on the floor. "Who's your friend?"

My friend? I couldn't find my voice. It was gone. He wasn't just my friend.

"Jamie," Jamie said, extending his hand to shake his. "I'm a friend of Tim's. I'm just staying here for the summer."

"A friend of Tim's, huh?" Art said. "Just a friend of Tim's?" he said, still shaking his hand.

"Yes," he said. "Well, I'm Jordan's friend, too."

"Those must be your things up in my room, then," Art said to Jamie, slowly pulling his hand away from his.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be home, so..." Jamie said. "I wasn't expecting you. I'm sorry. I'll just go get them out of there." Jamie left the kitchen with me not far behind him.

"A hello would be nice," Art called to me since I hadn't yet said a word to him. I rarely ever spoke to him. Jamie practically ran up the stairs. To me he seemed upset and angry, which sort of scared me.

"I had no idea," I said as Jamie feverishly and angrily shoved his clothes back in his suitcase. "I didn't know. Jamie, are you mad? I didn't know he was coming. He always does this. He just shows up without telling anyone."

After slamming his suitcase closed, he removed all the bed sheets, not saying a word, which wasn't like him. He couldn't stand silence. With the sheets in a messy ball, he stormed out of the room, went to the linen closet in the hallway, and returned with an armful of clean sheets.

"You're not leaving, are you?" I said in a near panic. "Don't leave. Jamie, don't leave. Don't..." My heart raced in a way it had never done before and not in a good way. I felt like I was about to have a heart attack. "Jamie..." Tears unexpectedly fell down my cheeks as he proceeded to make the bed in painful silence. "Why won't you say anything? Jamie?"  Blinded by a mixture of unidentifiable emotions, I went to Jamie as he made the bed. I pushed his shoulders so he'd stop doing what he was doing. "Don't go," I sobbed. "Why won't you say anything? Why...?" As I went to push him again, he took me in his arms as I sobbed. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"I'm sorry," he said in my ear. "I don't know what to say. I was just surprised...and embarrassed. Did you see the way I left his room? I left my shit everywhere. I'm not mad at you. If anything, I'm mad at myself for how I treated his room...and his bed. Ssh, Jordan...ssh...it's okay. Ssh..." I didn't realize I was crying so hard, scared to death he was going to leave and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.