Hearts of Stone

22. Hearts of Stone

Kat watched Cage sit behind his desk and place his boots on top of it. He leaned back, lost in thought, as if he was thinking how to put everything into words, and for a moment, she was tempted to stop him. She already had so much to process. But could she even do it until she had the whole story?

"I think you can already guess I was a bitter brat growing up," he said, putting his hands behind his head. The relaxed posture was in sharp contrast with his words. "It wasn't easy being treated like an outsider, even if my mother and brothers showed me nothing but love."

"Do they even know they're your brothers?" she whispered.

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Very smart question, sweetheart. No, they don't."

She shivered a little when the endearment left his lips, once again untainted by scorn or sarcasm, but the conversation didn't really let her focus on the good it brought.

"My mother explained it to me when I turned seven and Fer was born. That is also when she asked me not to make it harder for them. She claimed Fer would want to do the right thing and step aside, and that couldn't happen. I agree with her now. Back then though..." He sighed. "I was seven. I couldn't have that sort of choice thrust upon me. And I was tempted to do it. Tell him and Ed the truth just to watch them squirming with guilt. Make my mother feel bad for keeping me out of the family core, placing me with her brother most of my life.

"Fortunately, I grew up enough before I decided to go through with it. And training for the navy gave me a sense of purpose and discipline far beyond anything Fer had. I watched him study, train and sit through boring social gathering after boring social gathering, and I realized I didn't want that.

"The pressure, the responsibility..."

She shook her head. "How did you escape pressure and responsibility? The navy must have been worse."

He laughed. "Trust me, nothing is worse than what Fer is going through. In the navy, I got to lead. He just gets the responsibility and the stiffness without the satisfaction of the result."

Oh, he was actually talking about the actual prince training. Though if Kat stopped to think about it, if the rumors weren't true and the king was actually in excellent health, there was a chance Ferdinand might be king when he got old. Which would mean an entire life wasted.

"I got to command people, see places, learn about different cultures. Hell, I think I learned more diplomacy from the wondering tribes of the Southern Isles than Fer did in all his classes. Sailors aren't picky, even when they're soldiers. I could speak however I wanted, tell and listen to the crudest jokes, have a different girl waiting for me in every port town..."

He drifted off after the last phrase, gnawing on his lower lip as if regretting he let it out. And Kat's stomach turned into a knot because she realized that he wasn't exaggerating. Seeing how good looking he was and the fact that he was a soldier, it was predictable. And yet, she'd felt so special, being the object of his affection. Apparently, she was not.

"I wasn't lying or exaggerating, Kat," Cage finally said, his voice more tired than she had ever heard it. "I am a monster. I always was on some level. I've killed so many people..."

"Pirates?" she whispered.

Because if there was anything else, she wasn't sure she could stand it. Life was the most important gift in the world and taking it from someone... She was aware of the world they lived in, that people killed each other over the most meaningless things, that execution was a part of everyday life. They had just come out of a war that had lasted years and almost destroyed two people.