Say When

T W E N T Y - S I X

The balmy spring weather from the day before gave way to a humid eighty-six-degree scorcher. After much prodding from Rita, we bought cheap swimsuits from the nearby Walmart and had an impromptu dip in the hotel pool. Everyone else cannonballed in. I sat on the side and let my legs swirl through the water. I relaxed.

So relaxed that I didn't notice Rita and David exit the pool and creep up behind me. By the time I felt their hands on my shoulders it was too late. I was plunging to the bottom. My feet touched the rough casting of the pool's floor, but instead of pushing off, I let my body slowly drift to the top. Find its own way back to the surface. With the water rolling over my ears, I stayed under for a moment and enjoyed being submerged.

When I popped up on the surface I cursed them both through their chuckles. We stayed there and just enjoyed ourselves-- being out of the city let us get out of ourselves for a while.

An hour later we were packing up and loading back into the car. I fiddle with my hair which was now nothing more than a tangled heap. I'd pulled as much of it back into a ponytail as I could and stole a baseball cap from Yuri to keep it all under wraps. Once we reached Brooklyn the remainder of my day would certainly be spent in a braid shop. No way I was starting the school week looking like Annie. I'd leave this look in New Jersey.

The car was quiet as we were riding back into the city. Everyone was in various stages of sleep. I pulled Yuri's cap down on my head and peeked at him behind the wheel. He had a smile on his face.

I found myself smiling too. Yuri had tapped my shoulder to wake me before the sun came up that morning. After speaking in the gym we'd found our way back to the old us. In our pajamas, we snuck out and went to IHOP. We talked over stacks of pancakes and bottomless coffee. Our conversation bounced around from clothes to school to music to relationships. His relationship specifically.

"So, where did this Casey character come from?" I poured more strawberry syrup on my stack of buttermilk pancakes.

"Why she gotta be a character?" Yuri chewed on his bacon but he was amused. A smile played on his lips. I looked at him with suspect eyes. He looked back at me, eyes focused. Seeming to challenge me but he broke soon after.

"She's cool. She likes ball." He shrugged.

"Wack." I took a piece of bacon from his plate.

"Why do you care?" He asked, his eyes trained me. Those eyes the color of fresh soil.

The waitress came over and asked if she could get anything else for us. I sucked down the rest of my coffee and asked for the check. I let time fill in the space between his question and any answer I'd have to give. It wasn't long before he shrugged it off and returned to out random musings.

My stomach ached from the pancakes and from the big laughs that rolled through my body. Yuri telling me about how he tried to send his little brother back via his local mailman shortly after he was born. Apparently, he cried too much and it made Yuri sad.

Me sharing how I refused to get up from my desk for seventy-five minutes in my seventh-grade classroom when I first got my first period. I didn't move until the female social worker was called in to talk to me. They thought I had a mental breakdown. No, just a period all over my favorite jeans. Yuri howled and choked on bits of bacon. I snickered and sunk low in my seat, a firm hold on my aching ribs.

I thought of Jax and felt a tug in my gut. Like enjoying Yuri's company this weekend was a betrayal of him. Regardless of the laughs, Jax had my heart. I knew it. I'd walk through the fire with Yuri. No doubt about it. But I'd walk through it for Jax. Jax was all-consuming and transformative. Yuri was a full release and contentment.