Black Catz

Chapter Twenty - "The Render"

It's easy how much you forget about the way your life is run when you step out of it for a few days, to live another life, as I have, with the Catz.

It was the night. It always is, when I began to feel the way I always feel. The time was the same time: nine. Maybe the night had fallen before I could. Maybe everything had fallen before I could. Nobody ever knew about me and her. Nobody ever suspected it to be the way it'd be.

Maybe the night, all of it, is the Queen. Or maybe, the night, is when my grandmother left, and when Moritz left. Maybe the night is nothing at all. And maybe, I've said this before. Maybe I don't even know what I'm saying. After all, I'm just a mindless teen-girl shot in the head from all the killings. And you might think this is just a story you're trekking through that's part of a tale, and that's cool and all, but I think, all of us, including you—the reader—should see that this, hopefully, is more than a story jotted by the Alexa Padz...and maybe it is a lesson on how we're all born on one side of the Wall, no matter what side, because we're all under the same sky...so maybe, we're all part of a gang, whether we like it or not, whether we want to be or not...maybe we're all part of something bigger, and maybe, when we realize we're part of that something that we don't even know that we're apart of...then we can realize it's not too late, before it is too late, like it is for me now, like it for you now...maybe it's not for you, but it is for me, so you should go and do that for me: go and take the gun out of yourself, and out of any other young teen you might see out there with a mental gun, or a physical gun, or a nothing gun...maybe just a word gun, a verso gun, a something gun, a do-it-all for yourself gun.

It's something we should all be aware of...it's something we should all be working towards: filling our mind to task it with emptying the violent one...the violent mindz.

I don't even know what I'm saying now. Maybe this is how the Party wanted us to feel. Maybe this is how the Party, yours too, wants us all to feel. You don't know anything. And neither do I. But if there is one thing I learned from the Black Catz...it is that we are all black cats, we are all part of one Catz organization whether we want to be or not, and when time comes, those Catz will come looking upon you, for you; whether those are your family Catz, or your Pet Catz, or your kid Catz, or maybe just your lover and friend Catz that you have to look over—I don't say what Catz mean or do, but I do know that some Catz can help you as these Catz from my mother's side...helped me.

Perhaps, we're all destined to become what pre-school tells us? For example: I was called Casper, for the friendly ghost, since I could remember...not now, but when I was still in pre-school, and when pre-schools were still around.

And look at me now: I am a ghost; I am translucent; I am invisible; and soon, like a ghost, I, too, will be haunting—and maybe hunting—everyone I know.

So maybe, as they suspected when I was young, I am that ghost they so desperately referred me to.

I learned that while in here, while with the Catz. And now...now I know it more while in the Holding Building of my side of the Wall...also known as the West-Party building. But I call it the Holding Building. Because that is what they do here. They hold people.

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Some days in life, some moments, you realize, somehow, in this crazy world, the one you had lost so much hope on, the one that vitiated you for so long...that it could still have some good people in it, some people that believed what you believed, that helped other people, that did something—even if it's tiny—good for other people.