Our Many Fears

Gentleness of Pain

It's funny isn't it? How the true pain is silence. It's a gentle sounding word. Yet, it's what you should fear the most. Here's a little advice: don't bathe in the silence and its melancholy, for you will drown. There's no swimming in it, silence is too thick, and there's no shouting either as it's far too loud.

Loud? Yes, you heard me right. Silence has a sound like no other, it's a sound that creeps up on you and you're not even aware it's there until it's too late. Put on some music, or a video to try drown that noise out. But that's just normal silence if it can be drowned out. I'm not talking about that.

What am I talking about? I'm talking about that beating, insufferable silence that consumes you as you try to survive emotional turmoil. That silence that, no matter how loud the rock, jazz or comedian is, it creeps in and gets inside your head. And you're stuck, listening tentatively for nothing. That silence, that means you can hear yourself thinking.

When does that silence occur though? Well it occurs with pain. It's the last stage of it, it's the stage that holds you back every, every, every time you try to escape. But pain itself, well it isn't a hammer beating at you telling you to WAKE UP and LOOK AT ME. Instead... It's gentle... Pain is like a mother cradling a baby. It's careful.

So what's it like then? First, you get that weight telling you it's coming, next the hairs on your arms stand up forecasting what's about to come. Then your mind twists, and turns ever so slowly... And just like that, all of a sudden... You hate the silence. But, what does this silence sound like? The sound of that silence is your breathing, your sniffing, quiet tears and the biggest part... Emptiness.