The Beginning of the End || Bloodlines Vol. 1 ✔️ Complete

III • Love, Mom

My sweet girl,

You're getting so big. I can't believe you're ten years old already. Double digits! It's mindblowing. You're so independent, it's terrifying to think that in a few years you probably won't want to spend time with me anymore. Maybe I'll get lucky and you'll continue to be a sweet teenager and give your mama all the love and attention she wants.

I'm stalling. Even though I'm not going to give you this letter for a long time. Part of me wants to date it for your eighteenth birthday. If I were braver, I would. But I'm not brave. I don't want anyone to know my secret. And I honestly thought that I'd be able to just get away with it, forget about it, never tell anyone and never have to face it.

But you're growing up. You're strong. Fast. Healthy. Everyone chalks it up to a good immune system, a natural athletic talent. But it's more than that.

Dale and I... things weren't always great between us. I love him, of course, and he loves me. And we both love you, very much. Don't ever doubt that. I hope you never have any reason to doubt that.

We were high school sweethearts, as everyone loves to remind us. It was a lot of pressure, you know? Living in such a small town where everyone knows each other. We dated for so long it became almost habit, and then after high school it was just expected that we'd get married and continue on with our lives here. And we both wanted that. But I didn't always think I did.

After the honeymoon bliss wore off, we fought a lot. No, I'm not being totally honest. We didn't fight. I was difficult. I'd drink while he was at work and then scream at him when he came home. I was belligerent and mean. God, he was so patient with me. I don't deserve this man. I don't know how he stayed by me after all that.

I sound like such a horrible person. Oh Daphne, you know, I am a horrible person! That's why I had to write all of this in a letter. I'll save it somewhere safe and when I'm on my deathbed I'll tell you where it is. Or I'll leave it in my will or something, so that I don't ever have to see the look on your face when you realize the kind of person I really am.

One of my bad nights, I was feeling particularly rebellious, and Dale was on midnights at the mines. I'd started drinking before he left, so he took the keys to the sedan so that I wouldn't drive drunk. I remember being so angry with him at the time. He was just trying to keep me safe.

I hotwired the car. Note to self, teach Daphne how to hotwire a car. Despite the shitty reason I used it that night, it's gotten me out of a lot of hairy situations in my life. My gift to you, from fucked-up mother to loving daughter. I'm going to soak up all the love now while I still can.

Anyway, I took it a few hours to the city, and near smashed it into a dumpster trying to get downtown. I left it in an alley and stumbled into the nearest bar. I don't need to tell you, or at least I hope I don't whenever you read this, how dangerous it was for a little country girl like me to wander into a dank bar in the city, alone. I was young and stupid. I mean, I wasn't naive enough to think that it was safe, what I was doing. I was just being reckless for the sake of it. I felt trapped in my little box of a life and didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't really care at that point what would happen to me. I'd half expected to die in a car accident on those twisty roads in the dark. I was lucky as all hell not to encounter a moose or deer that night, let alone hanging out in a strange bar in the city.

I hope that, someday, when you decide what you want to do with your life, that you won't feel pressured into something you don't want. I hope that I remember this clearly so that when you're unsure of what to do with your adult life I can give you options and keep an open mind about what you want to do. Because the level of instability I suffered from... I feel it could have been avoided if someone had just told me that I had control over something in my life, you know?