Too Many Secrets

Chapter 1

This can't be real. I repeat these three words over and over in my head trying to make them come true, but it's not. The truth is my mom is dead. I am all alone in the world. It's just me. No siblings. No father. Nothing. As I am in the hospital waiting room, horrible thoughts float into my head. After what seems like hours of thinking, but is probably only a couple minutes, a woman in a navy blazer comes to sit next to me. She is tall and has dark brown hair. Her posture is perfect and there is not a single hair out of place. She has bright red lipstick and a small smile is on her face. I can see the pity in her eyes. After a couple of minutes of talking, she informs me of who will be taking care of me now. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm drowning and endless water is flooding my lungs. How did I not know that I have five brothers?

I need to get out of here. This is fake. How on earth can this possibly be true? I accuse myself from the social worker and make my way over to the bathroom. I look at the reflection staring back at me. My big blue eyes are red and puffy. My long brown hair is a tangled mess. I bring my hands up to my face and touch my swollen eyes. I close them really tightly. Maybe when I open them I will be back in my bed and I will wake up for a normal boring school day. My eyes are so tightly shut that I begin to see spots. I count to three and when I open my eyes I'm still in the hospital bathroom. Last night I thought life couldn't get any worse, but I guess I was wrong. I take one more glance in the mirror analyzing myself. I try to fix myself by combing my hair with my fingers and wetting my face with the water in the sink. I take a paper towel from the rack next to the sink and pat my face down with it. My appearance is not much better but at least I got the swelling down a bit. I dry my hands one more time and exit the room.

On the way home to pick up my things before I fly out to California to meet my brothers, I think of a million questions. I don't understand how I can live for fourteen years with only my mom, thinking I was an only child, only to realize I have five brothers living on the other side of the country. Even the thought of mom's name brings immediate sadness. I feel the tears fill my eyes and terrible pain in my stomach. It still doesn't feel real. I've never really imagined what life would be without my mom. She is the only family I have ever had, well until now. My insides feel like they are being used in a game of tug of war. Thank god no one is talking to me because I don't think I would be able to speak right now.

After an hour in the car, Emma, the social worker, helps me bring my things into the airport. Once we have everything ready, we go to the gate that says in big gold letters "New York to California". We get to our seats within a couple of minutes. As I sit in the soft blue chair that has the horrendous smell of an airplane, I put in my earplugs and blast music as loud as I can, trying to cancel out my misery. I've never been on a plane before so the thought of taking off scares me a little. I grip the side of my chair and hold on until I feel my stomach drop. The flight attendants continue to talk about plane procedures as we take flight. My ears pop and I feel very uncomfortable. Emma sees my discomfort and tells me to swallow. I take her advice and I feel a little relief. Once the plane is fully in the air someone on the loud speaker says we can move around freely if we want.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" I ask Emma.

"Of course," she responds.

I leave my seat and make my way to the back of the plane. I knock on the small door and an old comes out right as I connect my fist to the door.

"Oh sorry, sweety," She says, kindly.

I give her a smile and go into the restroom. I begin to pace around the small stall. My mind is reeling from all this new information. What if they don't like me? What if they didn't even want to take me in but they felt bad for the poor orphan girl? My mind won't stop spinning. All the pacing is making me dizzy so I stop walking and lean up against the sink. How is there a sink on an airplane anyways? I look back into the mirror and see myself. Not only does it look like I have been crying for hours, I have huge dark circles. I continue to look in the mirror until I get annoyed with myself. I wonder if they will look like me. I'm 5'5"; I think that is pretty tall for a girl. I push my long hair behind my ears and wet my face once more before going back to my seat. I decide to take a quick nap so I can at least try to fix my dark circles before I meet them. Once I get back to my seat I fall asleep within fifteen minutes. I wake up to Emma tapping my shoulder lightly, telling me the plane is landing. We go to baggage claim and there I see a tall man with bright blue eyes just like mine staring at me. He starts to walk over and I begin to get a little nervous.