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Downstairs on the couch, I was going through my medication, the doctor had put me on, because I was apparently showing signs of "BI- Polar Disorder" and suffered from "Severe Anxiety". My Aunt came down and was shocked at the medications, she confiscated the bottles and took them to work with her the next day to research. I was on an anti-depressant, an anti-anxiety and a Placibo. That evening she informed me I would no longer be taking these pills, because I was hormonal, not crazy. I had to deal with my shit and try to smoke less pot. I was very sick for 2 weeks coming off the medication, but suddenly cured. I would talk, and my aunt would listen. She joked about me having every disease in the medical dictionary, and I learned about sarcasm. I really liked sarcasm and our evenings together. After dinner, we would drink Malibu rum together and smoke and look at the stars. I was only there for 3 weeks before Uncle Russell started.
I can't say the first time it happened, but the first time I woke up to it, I was slowly returned to consciousness into a heavy feeling of insecurity. I kept my eyes closed, I could hear his presence and feel his sour beer stained breath on the side of my face. It was between his long steady breaths I could smell the fireplace needed to be refilled. The scent of burning sugar maple that usually fills the room was muted to the coals smouldering. The silence was so loud I could hear each breath he took, each CLICK from his tongue as it separated from the roof of his mouth, this thick atmosphere held together by the hissing of the coals in the old fireplace in the corner. I kept my eyes softly shut, as not to arouse suspicion from my predator. My "play dead and it will move on" instincts that I didn't even know I had, were at work. A slow piercing creeeeek from the hardwood floors upstairs broke through the tension. I was unsure it it was a footstep or just the old house shifting - as they do, but the thought that we were not alone in that moment soothed me, and startled my uncle. He quickly turned to the wood pile and banged around a few pieces before throwing a few logs on the coals. I shifted in the blankets and let out a relaxed breath that vibrated a small snort and faked being in a deep sleep.
I laid awake the next hour an a half replaying what had happened, until it was time to get ready for school. A rational decision to keep it to myself after an entire day of contemplating, I didn't want to be the wrench in the already rusted out machine that was my aunt and uncles marriage. Also, nothing did happen, he would probably deny anything, teenagers and their imaginations.
That day, I told my aunt I had met some friends and they invited me over to play some video games. She said I could go, and would pick me up in the evening. It was the first time I asked to go out, and it seemed harmless. What ended up happening, was a bottle of Tanguray Gin, me and 5 guys who liked the pretty new city girl. We got wasted and they kept talking about how Tanguray Gin was "pantie dropper". They didn't expect the city girl with big titties, bleach blonde hair and tanned skin to be a virgin, and unwilling to give it up to any of them. One of the rednecks would plug one nostril and blow boogers out the other one, all night. A "farmers blow" they would call it. Poor at courting, they were all disgusting. I had enough of their stories about how "bad" they all were and stories of other times they drank and did exciting things which promised no excitement for my night. I found a payphone and called my aunt.
I called my aunt, but Russell came. He didn't even look at me when I got into the car. His hands were tightly gripped on the steering wheel. 5 minutes into the dark silence, our bodies left to shadows from the blue gleam from the radio, he started, "I was in the middle of something you know. Not only do you cost me money now, but you're costing me MY spare time?? HUH?"
