"I'm not that desperate," I told myself as I signed up to a dating website.
It wasn't fair, all my friends either had a successful career, loving relationship, or both. I had neither. At 26, I was lonely as my cat. This was unfortunately my last resort.
"Oh lord have mercy and please let me find a husband."
My whole family is convinced I'm going to die alone and, at this rate, I'm starting to believe them. Just yesterday a random man started smiling and waving at me, taking it as flirting, I did the same, only to find out it was directed to the more attractive woman next to me. After that I vowed to never reply to any strangers gestures for the sake of my dignity.
"Describe yourself," I read aloud.
Describe myself? Where do I start? Single, old, not that good-looking, indebted, and looking to marry as soon as possible. With that in mind, I wrote the description.
"Single and ready to have fun. I love my life but it gets hard sometimes especially when people use you for your looks. I love a nice walk on the beach while the sun is setting. Just looking for someone to share my love and Pumpkin Spice Latte with. #foreveryoung #blessed"
Yup, that might get me a few fish. Even though it's the complete opposite of who I am, I decided to take a different approach, my usual one clearly wasn't working. All my past relationships haven't gone the way I would've liked them to go. My life plan was to find a job in something I loved doing, meet someone sweet, fall in love just like in the movies, get married, and raise a family of my own. So far I haven't been able to anything my list. I guess the universe has something against me. By this age I should've already had my first child. It's sad actually, you grow up thinking you can be this admirable person that has their life sorted out when realistically you turn out to be the opposite.
When I finally came back to reality, I decide to finish my profile to get it over with already. Time for my profile picture! You see, this is the trickiest part. If you are not blessed with good genes, picking a picture can be really difficult. Good thing I have the perfect strategy. What you have to do is choose a picture with you and your more attractive friends, that way when someone looks at it, they'd probably think you're the blond girl next to you. Works every time, guaranteed.
"Break time," I announced. Hopefully this'll work.
————
The next day I awoke to the sound of my alarm. Groaning, I reluctantly got out of my warm, inviting covers. It was time to start the day. Remembering yesterday's events, I scrambled to the floor to find my phone, excited to see if I had any notifications from that dating site. And I was only left disappointed.
"Whatever, I don't even care," I lied.
————
A few days had passed before I finally received my long awaited request. I was brushing my teeth while scrolling down my Instagram feed when my phone pinged.
"Yay, new email," I sarcastically spitted out, literally.
"Aw man, I got toothpaste all over my shirt. Eh, oh well," I shrugged, wiping off the toothpaste.
Taping my email application, I expected to find more spam but instead found an email with the subject, "Jonah Heard would like to meet you!"
"Thank you, Jonah Heard! There is after all hope," I exclaimed.
————
This was not what I expected. The man in the picture looked nothing like the one ten feet away.
"Damn," I hissed under my breathe.
I can't believe I fell for this! We had been talking for a few days now and he seemed like a decent person and potential husband. I was over the moon thinking I was actually talking to whom I thought I was talking to. Ignorance is after all bliss. The man, if thats even what you can call it, was dressed in a Star Wars attire. You might not believe me but I'm being completely honest. He had on an inner long brown robe, a beige long tunic, and some sort of belt wrapped around his waist. When he told me that he loved the films, I thought, "Oh, how cool. He has personality." Never in my wildest dream did I think it was up to this extent.
"What do I do? What do I do?" I murmured.
I was starting to panic. Quickly scanning the room, I tried to find a way out. And thats when it came to me. Creeping up to an empty chair, I silently sat down. That was my master plan, pretend I was here for another purpose.
"Oh thank god. That was close," I sighed relived while closing my eyes.
That was really close, like extremely. I don't know what I would've done if I actually went on a date with that freak. The universe might not hate me after all.
"Excuse me, do I know you?" asked a strange voice.
Oops, spoke too soon.
Opening my eyes I noticed that I wasn't alone. In front of my was a very handsome man. He was dressed in a black suit, along with a sleek black tie. He had sharp cheekbones and jawline. His look was very rugged despite the suit. Snapping out of my shock, I realized I was openly gaping and most likely look like a fish out of water.
"You know, I have a completely good explanation for this. It's actually quite a funny story," I nervously said.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
The strange man does not seem amused. He crosses his arms leaning back as if telling me, 'please enlighten me'
"Uh, w-well, um you see", I helplessly stutter. And can see it. I can see my grave. 'Here lies (name), who unfortunately died for embarrassment. R.I.P.'
"No, I don't see", Mr. Meanie-Face-But-Not-So-Mean-And-More-Like-Beautiful-Face sarcastically says.
"Okay here it is", I lean in as if I'm about to tell a top secret. But before I can get another word out, an other, once again, strange man comes up to the table.
"Mr.(last name)! Its a pleasure to finally discuss business with you."
Mr. Meanie-Face-But-Not-So-Mean-And-More-Like-Beautiful-Face or as really know as, Mr.(last name), elegantly stands up to greet him with a strong hand shake.
"The pleasures all mine"
"And who is this beautiful young lady you have as a guest",
he decides to keep her there because the perv acts more generous when there are pretty girls around ...
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Suddenly the strange man starts laughing, taking me off guard. Regaining his breathe, he stares at me with a smile. Taken aback, I start looking around to see if there's any attractive woman he smiling at behind me.
"Who are you looking for?" he asks.
"Oh, uh, no one," I reply focusing my stare back on him, even more confused that I didn't find anyone behind me.
"I have time," he tells me.
"Excuse me?" I say.
"Well, you said you had a funny story, I have time to hear it," he smiles.
And that's when I concluded that I might not die alone after all.
"Thank you, universe," I whispered.
"Did you say something?" the man asked.
Regaining my senses I quickly replied, "Yeah, I actually did. But before I tell you, promise me you wont laugh too much."
"I promise," he answered.
"Okay, well it all started when..."
