The Boy Next Door

Chapter Thirteen

"Urgh," I muttered as my eyes flickered, slowly opening as they altered to the light and the white walls surrounding me. I was no longer at the park; that much was clear.

The ache in my head was intense, and I couldn't move it from its position. As I lifted my arm to touch the discomfort, the sight of tubes inserted in my hand flipped my stomach and made me heave. The sudden movement pained my chest, abdomen, and throat all at once, bringing me back to the reality of my earlier choices.

The monitor next to me took my attention as the noise echoed through my aching face, heightening my scenes. I listened to the beeps and watched the wavy lines shift across the black screen, swallowing hard as they mesmerised me; it hurt, so I looked away.

Over on the chair were my clothes neatly folded along with my bag. I looked down, pulling at the chequered gown draping me. Crossing my arms, I rubbed my hands up and down my goose-pimpled skin. It felt tight and itchy, yet numb. My entire body was groggy, and my memories were disorientated.

I needed to know what had happened and how I came to be lying in a hospital bed.

Struggling, I sat up slightly, trying not to move too suddenly. When I managed to stroke my fingers where the pain was, I was horrified to find something parting my hair. My fingers gently moved down what felt like stitches, even though I didn't recollect hurting myself. My chest tightened at the thought of my missing memories, my breathing fell out of sync, and my eyes welled. I was panicking, but then the door opened, distracting me.

"Mum, Dad," I tried, but my voice didn't come out. I cupped my throat, gulping to soothe the dryness, but the pain was excruciating. Yet the worry on my parent's faces didn't compare to the guilt I carried.

Weak and ashamed, I burst into tears, hiding my eyes.

"Oh, Ashley," Mum cried. She hugged me so tightly that it felt more like punishment than comfort. I knew what I had done, and as I looked toward Dad, he confirmed it. His expression was sad, and his eyes creased as he tried not to weep.

The tears I watched trying to form in my dad's glossy eyes were rare. My mum bawling over my shoulder was heartbreaking. I instantly wished I could turn back time and have stayed at home like I wanted to. Instead, after reading articles about depressed teenagers, I put vodka and pills in my bag as a last resort. I never thought I would use them, and I couldn't believe I did. Why would I have since I enjoyed my shopping trip with Mum and felt so optimistic on the way to school?

But with the hollow pain in my chest and the still atmosphere in the room, I was fully aware of how foolish I had been. I had been selfish and caused those I love pain rather than talking to them.

"Mum, Dad, I'm so sorry, so so sorry," I said, forcing my rasping voice out, crying as I let go of her.

"I know...We know," Mum sobbed, wiping my cheeks with her trembling thumbs. "We're just relieved you are okay. But sweetheart, what were you thinking? You could have killed yourself."

"I wasn't thinking. I don't know what came over me. I just..." I paused as my throat clenched. I couldn't breathe. "Lauren was so horrible to me this morning. She told me I might as well not be here." I broke down as sadness washed over me, covering my red, swollen eyes with my hands. Humiliation and regret beat me for letting Lauren's hurtful words win.

"Lauren is fully aware of what her actions have caused. She won't be back in school until the next school term, thanks to them taking immediate disciplinary action. Let's hope you being here is enough for her to change her attitude towards her friends," Mum said with a sigh. She brushed my hair behind my ears before looking back at Dad.

"How did I get here?" I asked, rubbing the droplets from my face as I calmed myself.

Dad sat down on the edge of the bed and took my hand as Mum moved back, placing her hand on his shoulder. He said, "A boy found you unconscious in the park, and he rang an ambulance. You passed out and banged your head on the floor. You have six stitches."

With a harsh swallow, I watched his Adams apple quiver.

"We didn't know how much you had consumed, but with the empty bottle and packet, the doctors decided to pump your stomach, which will explain the pain in your throat and why you feel rotten. Your vitals have stabilised since you have been on the iv drip, so hopefully, you can go home in a few days," he finished. Then for the first time in my life, I witnessed Dad cry. It ripped my heart out.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry. I've been so stupid. I will never forgive myself for this and what I have put you through."

"No, Ashley, we are sorry we didn't notice the signs sooner. You have been so distant lately," Mum said. "I should have asked more questions yesterday after your episode in the car. Just promise that you will talk to us if something is troubling you from now on."

"I will, I promise." I leaned my head against the pillow, raising the bed to a better position. "I'm sorry for disappointing you both."

"It's okay, kiddo. Your friends have a lot to answer for; put it that way. You scared the hell out of us, and nothing had prepared us for it," Dad muttered as he stood and kissed me on the forehead before hugging me.

"I love you so much," I mumbled, holding him tightly. "Where is Zoe?"

"She is with Nate and his parents," Mum said. "Which reminds me, Olly seemed rather upset with the news, so I gave his mum your mobile number to pass on. I hope you don't mind that I gave it to him."

"Oh, okay, yeah, that's fine," I said with a small smile as my delicate stomach swirled and cheeks flushed.

"Right, I will get the doctor and tell them you are awake." I nodded, and Mum left the room as Dad sat on the chair and opened the newspaper.

I slowly picked up the plastic cup of water from the unit beside me and took a sip. A sound tried to escape my bruised throat, but instead, I breathed through the pain as the liquid sliding down was like drinking razor blades, and the pain didn't stop until it hit my empty stomach.

"Are you okay?" Dad asked, looking up as I winced. I slowly nodded, put the cup back down, and closed my eyes.

*

"Night, Ashley," Zoe said, crawling over the bed and sprawling the UNO cards everywhere. The game we had been playing since she saw them in the gift shop. I didn't mind, it limited the questions, and I beat her every time.

"Night, Squidge," I said, cuddling her, embracing how close she was and how I had people who loved me surrounding me. The thought of losing them was tormenting, having nearly lost them forever. I had put them through too much, and I was sure it would take an eternity to make up for it.

"I love you all," I said, blowing them a kiss as they left the room.

Shuffling, I attempted to make myself comfy in the typically hard hospital bed I had been in all day. I did try to go for a walk, but I only made it to the door. My stomach churned and made me sick, which the doctor told me would pass once I ate. I'd waited all day for the flapjack and a box of grapes beside me to look appetising, but it never happened.

As silence filled the room, I picked up the colouring book Zoe picked, fiddled with the pencils, and started to colour. I let my creativity kick in and allowed my mind to relax.

Lauren's harsh words, the event in the park, reliving my missing memories with Mum, and discussing with the doctor if I was depressed and suicidal soon floated away.

I denied the accusation.

Seeing the look on my family's faces was enough to clear the fog in my mind. I was loved and didn't need to be popular.

Having been absorbed into believing that boys and social statuses were the most critical thing in teenage life, I now knew it was far from true. As long as I had Mum, Dad, and Zoe around me, I would be okay, and I didn't need to feel sorry for myself anymore. What I chose to do during a moment of weakness and stupidity could have been the worst way I could have discovered it. Still, I had a chance to start fresh, to be me, the real me, away from Lauren and Sophie.

I was far from feeling sad about it all. I was more comforted than anything.