Loving You Differently

Thirty Six

Aria Adkins

I lift my head and through glossy eyes, take in the chaos that has inevitably taken place since my mom walked in the door. Embarrassment floods me as I stare at Mom and Aunt Dina, who are fighting over Dina's car keys like little kids while Savannah tries to corral them.

And then I look at Austin, who's still kneeled between my thighs and staring at me with unshakable concern, a firm hand gripping my shaking thigh.

"You should go," I blurt out in a shaky whisper, the shame that has followed me for twenty-one years taking over.

I spent so much of my life trying to be in control. Trying to mediate between mom and dad when they were arguing, trying to coerce both of my parents in getting clean after falling heavily into their addictions. Powerlessness is a feeling I've felt far too often, and the fact that Austin is witnessing it once again makes me feel vulnerable and unworthy.

"Aria," Austin says quietly, squeezing my thigh. "What'd I tell you? Eyes on me."

I peer up at him through my lashes. "Last night I asked you to repeat something back to me," He continues steadily. Repeat it to me now."

My heart rate picks up as the sound of bickering slowly ebbs away. Like always, Austin's presence commands my attention and it feels like we're the only two in the room.

I lick my lips and recite, "You're not going anywhere."

Austin squeezes my thigh again. "And what did I say after that?"

A crimson flush dances across my cheeks as I quietly repeat the mantra he sang in my ear during our most intimate moment. "No matter how many times I try to push you away. No matter how scared I am. No matter the amount of baggage between us. You're mine, and you're not fucking leaving."

He tilts his chin down, locking his eyes firmly on mine with a look of determination. "I can fix this for you. Right now. All you have to do is let me."

Emotion creeps up my throat. My eyes flutter closed and I swallow harshly, choking back the sting of tears that have been threatening to fall since the start of my panic attack. "Yeah," I say, my voice shaky.

"Aria. Let me fix this for you," Austin demands quietly.

My head spins. Questions fly at me, but I will myself to tamp them down. "Okay," I whisper. "Please."

Austin doesn't waste any time. Still kneeled on the ground with his stare still locked on mine, he gives my thigh another squeeze and sharply calls out, "Savannah."

All motion ceases, every pair of eyes in the room flying to Austin. He stands and walks to my side, snaking a tattooed arm out and curling his hand around the base of my neck, his thumb lightly caressing my hairline. He jerks his chin to Mom and Aunt Dina.

Somehow, Savannah knows exactly what to do. My eyebrows crease in confusion as she deftly swoops in between Mom and Dina and swipes the car keys. In their moment of stunned silence, they swiftly turn to my sister, their mouths opening at the same time to argue.

They don't get the chance. Before a word can leave their lips, Savannah tosses the keys to Austin, who catches them with a raised hand.