Jaejoong
I knew that what I had done was wrong, but what I needed to do was important. They needed me. I couldn’t turn them down.
I hadn’t even been out unannounced for an entire day and rumors were already circulating that I was missing. An impromptu meeting had sprung up and when they realized that I was nowhere to be found, I started getting call after call demanding to know of my whereabouts.
Unknowing of this, I was in the small kitchen in the hotel room making some breakfast for my woman. My lady. I got this inexplicable feeling within me whenever I thought about her being mine.
I’d been filled laughter as I heard her sing in the bathroom like a cat getting strangled. As annoying as her voice could get, I appreciated hearing it nonetheless. Especially considering the fact that hearing her voice and looking at her in the flesh were rarities in themselves.
The most part of our relationship was conducted telephone, webcam, and internet. Nothing compared to actually being beside her and I’d been so set to give her an unforgettable day to last her until the next time we met.
But the call had come and, shamefully, I admit, I just couldn’t say no to work.
I couldn’t.
It had taken me so long to get to where I was today, thus making each and every moment count. I just couldn’t say no when I was asked to do something. So when I ruefully agreed to show up at the meeting, I wondered how on earth I was going to disclose this to her.
As much as I loved her—something that had taken me a long time to admit to myself, much less to her—she could be a bundle and a half. Mariam was not easily fooled. And the fact that she got sensitive so easily with her suspicions running high made me wonder why the hell I dealt with her sometimes. She wasn’t my type to begin with—and it had nothing to do with her outward appearance. She was a gorgeous woman. It had to do with her personality. I normally went for soft spoken, dainty girls and Mariam was anything but. She spoke her mind, holding her tongue for absolutely no one. Usually females who were brash in that way turned me off but she was quite the exception. When I’d first asked for her phone number—one of the many crazy things I did on a whim—I’d wondered what I’d gotten myself into at first. I gave it a shot though, not really knowing what propelled me to. I never regretted taking that risk. And in due time, I started to like a lot about her. Like her inability to lie. I also liked how she felt it was her right to let her feelings known.
I never had to guess what was on her mind. She was the one, after all, who’d approached me and told me that she liked me first. In the beginning, I'd been reluctant because of my career. After waging a war with myself I finally admitted that I did like her too.
Very much so.
From there, the rest happened naturally. And crazily.
Why I had let it, I didn’t know. I’d always had such a strong hold on my emotions because I wasn’t going to let having a relationship destroy everything that I’d ever worked for.
So why had I taken that chance with her? Why did I keep going back to her?
Some questions, I stopped asking myself. Without even understanding it, I always found myself knocking on her door even after our many blow ups. When I was tired, begging for rare shreds of sleep, I'd go out of my way to see her to suffuse this ambiguous, pressing need inside of me.
She was like an unshakable habit, an unbreakable addiction that was nearly impossible to get rid of.
I just couldn’t get enough of her.
And it scared me to some extent.
I couldn’t turn my back on her yet I agreed to ruin the day that was slated for her and only her in exchange to be with people that I saw every waking hour.
